Really, all that I really want...is just a good one.
I don't need any presents underneath the Christmas tree, so long as I know there are people around me that I love. They are gifts enough.
I don't need the heat of a fire or the warmth in my tummy from hot cocoa. My heart will be warm enough, kindled by the fire of a thousand kindred spirits around the world and right here, feeling exactly the way I feel right now.
I don't need the decorations. Christmas spirit lingers in the air, in the eyes of people that truly know the Reason for the season.
I don't need all the food. My spirit will be full enough, hearing the low hum of hearts rejoicing, seeing more smiles on people's faces...
I don't need all the people, the parties...even though that would be great. 'Cause I finally know the deep, deep love of Jesus; to rest in the arms of His mercy.
26 days till the dawn of Grace.
Really...I just want a good Christmas, whatever that means.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Kazz the 5yr old Spaz.
Kaz is the bomb. Period.
We have a sliding glass door in one of our rooms, and it looks out onto the backyard. Our dog, George, will only go to the backyard if there is someone there. This morning, my mom was in that room like she usually is, and when Kaz woke up, he went straight there. He opened up the glass door and started to play with George. He was petting him and stuff, then right out of the blue, he says to my mother, "George has a wish. He wants to be a people. So that when he grows up he can be my brother." Needless to say, my mom was laughing so hard. :)
Another time, he and George were playing in our garage. Kaz LOVES to talk to George. Last week, they were playing while my dad was clearing up the garage, and Kaz asks George, "Georgie, how old are you?" My dad tells Kaz George is only 3 years old. Kaz then replies, "Oh! That means he needs to be in Mrs. Ignacio's class! And when he's 5, he can be with me in Mrs. Schallhorn's class!!!" He's an awesome kid.
One morning, my mom and I were having breakfast in the dining room. Kaz is bouncing around on our couches while Mom and I were talking. All of a sudden, he stops, looks at me, and asks, "Ruthie, do you cry when you're alone?" And I told him I did. He then responds, "Ok, I'll stay with you, so you won't cry. I don't like it when you cry." Then my mom and I proceeded to bust out laughing, because truly it's Kaz who cries when he is left alone. We thought it was funny that he shifted the need of another person to me....cute kid.
Today we went to PIC to swim. We were playing on the animal slide thingies. Kaz stops to fix his hair and then goes down the slide. Afterward, he fixes his hair again. I accidentally pull him under the water, and he starts freaking out. He looks at me and says, "I just fixed my hair! Now I won't look handsome anymore!" It was so funny.
Some of my favorite things that Kaz does are: whenever I get left alone ('cause I'm delaying and everyone else is ahead) he will ask everyone to stop and wait for me. And how he always sticks up for me. And backs me up. And thinks I'm the coolest, most beautiful ME in the world. And how he always, always, always, without fail makes sure I'm ok, and does whatever he can possible to make sure I'm ok. He'll make me laugh when I'm sad. He'll start crying when I'm crying. He'll get mad at something/someone that has hurt me. He'll do kung fu to George to make sure I can get into the house safely. Kaz is so caring; I love him. He's the best.
All to say, I think it runs in our blood. ;)
We have a sliding glass door in one of our rooms, and it looks out onto the backyard. Our dog, George, will only go to the backyard if there is someone there. This morning, my mom was in that room like she usually is, and when Kaz woke up, he went straight there. He opened up the glass door and started to play with George. He was petting him and stuff, then right out of the blue, he says to my mother, "George has a wish. He wants to be a people. So that when he grows up he can be my brother." Needless to say, my mom was laughing so hard. :)
Another time, he and George were playing in our garage. Kaz LOVES to talk to George. Last week, they were playing while my dad was clearing up the garage, and Kaz asks George, "Georgie, how old are you?" My dad tells Kaz George is only 3 years old. Kaz then replies, "Oh! That means he needs to be in Mrs. Ignacio's class! And when he's 5, he can be with me in Mrs. Schallhorn's class!!!" He's an awesome kid.
One morning, my mom and I were having breakfast in the dining room. Kaz is bouncing around on our couches while Mom and I were talking. All of a sudden, he stops, looks at me, and asks, "Ruthie, do you cry when you're alone?" And I told him I did. He then responds, "Ok, I'll stay with you, so you won't cry. I don't like it when you cry." Then my mom and I proceeded to bust out laughing, because truly it's Kaz who cries when he is left alone. We thought it was funny that he shifted the need of another person to me....cute kid.
Today we went to PIC to swim. We were playing on the animal slide thingies. Kaz stops to fix his hair and then goes down the slide. Afterward, he fixes his hair again. I accidentally pull him under the water, and he starts freaking out. He looks at me and says, "I just fixed my hair! Now I won't look handsome anymore!" It was so funny.
Some of my favorite things that Kaz does are: whenever I get left alone ('cause I'm delaying and everyone else is ahead) he will ask everyone to stop and wait for me. And how he always sticks up for me. And backs me up. And thinks I'm the coolest, most beautiful ME in the world. And how he always, always, always, without fail makes sure I'm ok, and does whatever he can possible to make sure I'm ok. He'll make me laugh when I'm sad. He'll start crying when I'm crying. He'll get mad at something/someone that has hurt me. He'll do kung fu to George to make sure I can get into the house safely. Kaz is so caring; I love him. He's the best.
All to say, I think it runs in our blood. ;)
Your Love Keeps Lifting Me Higher
"Lord, I'm all in. Let's do this. I don't want control over my life. All that I have, all that I am, it's all Yours.
Take the sin that makes me human, and purify it. Cleanse me. I want to be right with You. All the bitterness and hatred, it's Yours to cover with Your healing. All the lying and unkind words, it's Yours to cover with Your gentleness. All the pride and self-righteousness, it's Yours to cover with Your humility. All the shame and the guilt, it's Yours to cover with Your acceptance. I don't want to live in sin. I want my heart to beat like Yours and be with Yours.
Take my life and use it however You please. I will go to the ends of the earth, the depths of the sea, the heights of the mountains...what ever it takes. I want You to use my life in a way that will show the world how much I love You and the awe-striking glory that You are. I want to be known as a consecrated, committed child of God.
Take my heart that longs for fulfillment aside from you. Bind it to Your heart. I want to feel the warmth of Your everlasting love. I want to be so lost in the vast oceans of Your mercies. Keep my heart in Yours. I want You to have my whole heart, not the bits and pieces. I want to have a heart after Your heart. Lord, what breaks Your heart, I want it to break mine; what angers Your heart, I want it to anger mine; what delights Your heart, I want my heart to be overflowing with joy.
Heart and soul, I'm Yours."
God came down and walked beside me. God came down to remind me...this is what it feels like to be loved.
Take the sin that makes me human, and purify it. Cleanse me. I want to be right with You. All the bitterness and hatred, it's Yours to cover with Your healing. All the lying and unkind words, it's Yours to cover with Your gentleness. All the pride and self-righteousness, it's Yours to cover with Your humility. All the shame and the guilt, it's Yours to cover with Your acceptance. I don't want to live in sin. I want my heart to beat like Yours and be with Yours.
Take my life and use it however You please. I will go to the ends of the earth, the depths of the sea, the heights of the mountains...what ever it takes. I want You to use my life in a way that will show the world how much I love You and the awe-striking glory that You are. I want to be known as a consecrated, committed child of God.
Take my heart that longs for fulfillment aside from you. Bind it to Your heart. I want to feel the warmth of Your everlasting love. I want to be so lost in the vast oceans of Your mercies. Keep my heart in Yours. I want You to have my whole heart, not the bits and pieces. I want to have a heart after Your heart. Lord, what breaks Your heart, I want it to break mine; what angers Your heart, I want it to anger mine; what delights Your heart, I want my heart to be overflowing with joy.
Heart and soul, I'm Yours."
God came down and walked beside me. God came down to remind me...this is what it feels like to be loved.
Conversations
--I am sitting on the lanai of the Family Life Center, sick as can be. The sky is a blazing pink and orange slowly fading up to a deep blue yonder. Thoughts swirling through my head at dizzying speeds. Fatigue crawling through my skin. A faint rustling sound is heard in the still, solemn silence of the wind. I look into the depths of the sunset......
My stomach drops. I feel sick. Slowly, I ease myself down so that I am looking straight up into the starlit sky. A peace falls over me. The thoughts come to a halt. I hear a still, small voice...
"Ruthie, what is it that you really want?"
-To be loved, Lord. That's what I really want.
"Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us, and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins." (1 John 4:10)
"What else, Ruthie? I know there's more."
-To be accepted, Father, I want to be accepted.
"...Wherein He hath made us accepted in the beloved..." (Ephesians 1:6)
"Am I enough for you?"
-You are my Shepherd. I shall not want. (Ps 23:1)
"Can you live this life without Me?"
-My flesh and my heart faileth, but You are the strength of my heart and my portion forever. (Ps 73:26)
"Do people mean more to you than I do, Ruthie?"
-...Whom have I in heaven but Thee? There is none upon the earth that I desire beside Thee. (Ps 73:25)
"Where is your heart?"
-Far away from the shores of Your heart, Father.
"Ruthie, where is your heart?"
-No longer lost in the vast oceans of Your mercies.
"Where should your heart be?"
-In Your presence is fulness of joy. (Ps 16:11)
My stomach drops. I feel sick. Slowly, I ease myself down so that I am looking straight up into the starlit sky. A peace falls over me. The thoughts come to a halt. I hear a still, small voice...
"Ruthie, what is it that you really want?"
-To be loved, Lord. That's what I really want.
"Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us, and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins." (1 John 4:10)
"What else, Ruthie? I know there's more."
-To be accepted, Father, I want to be accepted.
"...Wherein He hath made us accepted in the beloved..." (Ephesians 1:6)
"Am I enough for you?"
-You are my Shepherd. I shall not want. (Ps 23:1)
"Can you live this life without Me?"
-My flesh and my heart faileth, but You are the strength of my heart and my portion forever. (Ps 73:26)
"Do people mean more to you than I do, Ruthie?"
-...Whom have I in heaven but Thee? There is none upon the earth that I desire beside Thee. (Ps 73:25)
"Where is your heart?"
-Far away from the shores of Your heart, Father.
"Ruthie, where is your heart?"
-No longer lost in the vast oceans of Your mercies.
"Where should your heart be?"
-In Your presence is fulness of joy. (Ps 16:11)
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