Contemplations.

Lord, I come humbly before You. 

My hands empty. 

My eyes brimmed with tears. 

My heart aching for Your love. 

I want to rest in Your grace, in the arms of Your healing. 

I want to be so lost in the vast oceans of Your mercies.

I want to be in awe of Your glory.

I want to fall in love with You again.

Show Yourself strong..

when I am so weak.

Texas Rose.

This is the second book in the series Texas that I'm reading. It's Kate Lowell's story after she and Travis are no longer engaged. Same setting: Dogwood, Texas. 1885.

At the beginning of the book, we see Miss Kate keeping to herself at the train station waiting for the train to take her to El Paso. She overhears a man, McCall Adams, and a woman in a heated argument. The woman is shouting and refuses to tutor McCall's son because he's half-Cherokee. Kate realizes that she has nothing left for her when she goes to El Paso. She has no

Texas Honor.

Ok, so you can totally just start laughing at me like right....now. I just finished reading this book called Texas Honor. Oh my word! It is one CRAZY book! Seriously!

So there's this girl named Rachel Isaacs. She lives with "Momma Ella," a former-slave that Rachel's father adopted into the Isaacs family. Mrs. Isaacs got run over by a bull shortly after Rachel was born, so Momma Ella has taken care of Rachel like all her life. It's early fall at the beginning of the book in the year 1885 in Dogwood, Texas. Rachel's dad passed away sometime in the summer, so Rachel is trying to prove to herself that she can manage their ranch on her own. (I love books like this! This is so Hattie Big Sky!! Except Hattie Big Sky takes place in Montana...but the time period and setting are like totally similar :D) 

Anyway, a little bit after Mr. Isaacs passes away, Rachel finds this letter that he wrote to his best friend Mr. Clayton Campbell in El Paso. Mr. Campbell has a son slightly older than Rachel, so the two fathers arrange a marriage between Rachel and Mr. Campbell's son Travis. Not only do they arrange a marriage, but Mr. Campbell promises Mr. Isaacs that Travis will come and help Rachel with the ranch, since her father is ill.

Ok, fast forward. Cows are being stolen from Rachel's fields and a part of her ranch was set on fire. That same day this guy comes to her farm and says he's Travis Campbell. Skip a lot. Rachel doesn't want him to stay because 1) she doesn't want help on her ranch, she wants to prove to herself she can do it alone 2) she is "intended" to marry Samuel and doesn't want Travis meddling with that. Travis asks if he could at least just spend the night in the barn since he is really tired from traveling on horseback from El Paso to Dogwood, something like that. The Travis Campbell meets initially ends up being some guy that faked his identity. She meets the real Travis Campbell. 

Skip a lot of little details. Rachel lets Travis stay on the ranch for "protection" from the dudes who are stealing cattle and lighting her home on fire. Samuel is not ok with this, duhhh. Momma Ella, throughout the story, contemplates her love lost. She fell in love with Lionel, the "slave" (he wasn't treated as a slave, more like part of the family) that belonged to the Campbell family, but she never knew if he still loved her or if he still remembered her. Rachel's best friend is Abby, but closer to the middle of the book, there's tension between the best friends. Rachel finds out that Travis has a girl he's going to marry back in El Paso named Kate Lowell and that Travis accidentally killed his best friend Zachary (who was Kate's fiance before Travis). SUCH DRAMA! But I'm not even done yet. 

Rachel and Travis slowly fell in love with each other, but they kept denying it because they were both supposed to marry other people, but then they each realized that they really didn't love the people they were supposed to marry. It's so ridiculous. On Rachel and Samuel's wedding day, as Abby was walking down the aisle (before the bride), Rachel noticed how Abby and Samuel look at each other and then she realized that they love each other. Samuel started to whisper something in the minister's ear...right when...DUN DUN DUN!!! Travis busted through the door yelling, "Rachel! I can't let you do this!!!!" He picked her up and stole her away from her wedding. She tried to fight it and started yelling mean things at him, and as they were escaping, Samuel caught up to them, then he and Travis got in a fight. As they were fighting, a carriage stoped right beside them, and out hopped, none other than Miss Kate Lowell herself with Lionel, Momma Ella's lover, escorting her. CRAZINESS!!

Samuel and Rachel realized they never loved each other. Samuel was fond of Abby, and only proposed to Rachel because he felt like he needed to protect her after her father died. Travis and Kate talked and they apologized for never really loving each other the way a man and wife should love each other; Travis only proposed to her because he felt like it was his duty to her since he killed her fiance. Kate only said yes because she was so overcome with grief that she needed somebody to be there for her. She split and went back to El Paso. Lionel and Ella confess that they have continued to love one another in the 20 years they've been separated. So things are all fine and dandy, except Rachel was upset that Kate was around because Rachel didn't know that Travis doesn't love Kate or whatever.

Kate was trying to leave on the morning train to get back home. Travis was going to bring her to the train station, but he stopped to get Kate's things inside the house. He tried to propose to Rachel, but because she was still angry with him, she refused. Later, the household found out that Travis got shot, so then Rachel was all frantic like and told him that she really did love him and that if he didn't die, she would marry him that same day.

Well, they get to the doctor and the doctor is all like "He won't die! Go get some other guy to get the guy who shot Travis and stole your cattle!" So Rachel went out to go get the Constable at the little general store thingy, but then she gets held at gunpoint by one of her hired hands. Ends up there's gold on her land and some guys have been trying to take it from her. So all in all, they catch all the bad guys and all the people that love each other marry the people they love. It's nuts!!!!! But a very intriguing plot, I must say. I love stories in the 1800s, especially on the American frontier or in countryside England. :D

I'm going to bed. Too much drama for 4 hours. I am overwhelmed. :)

Just a thought.

"Oh! divine Redeemer, out of whose inexhaustible fullness I would daily draw a rich supply of grace into my needy soul, be pleased to impart unto me an undivided heart; that to please You, may be my greatest happiness, and to promote Your glory my highest honor. Preserve me from false motives, from a double mind, and a divided heart. Keep me entirely to Yourself, and enable me to crucify every lust, which would tempt my heart from You. Enable me by Your grace to walk in one uniform path of holy, childlike obedience. When tempted to turn aside to the right hand or to the left, may I keep steadily Your way, until brought before Your throne, I see Your face, behold Your smile, and fall in ecstasy at Your feet, lost in wonder, love, and praise."
- Thomas Reade

:)

I know I haven't updated in like A WEEK! It's been terrible!!

You know what I think is sad sometimes? When I go into stores and I get spoken to in Tagalog, but then I speak back in perfect English, and the people that are talking to me look at me surprised. I don't know why that's sad, but it kind of makes me feel bad.

I SAW SO MANY CUTE BABIES TODAY! I love cute babies! Especially when they're chubby and have ADORABLE feet that you just want to pinch and cute faces that smile at you so happily!! Eeeeeee!! Babies are so cute. 

I'm eating leftovers tonight. YUM YUM YUM! They're actually really delicious. :)

My paper for research class.

How to Succeed in Research Class

Rebekah was sitting in her research class on a bright Tuesday morning. It was beautiful outside today, and she longed to just sit out under the sunshine, but she was stuck in research class. She knew she needed to listen to her teacher and pay attention in class; she needed to learn how to write her research papers correctly, but it was so difficult to focus when she did not know what to do or what she needed to help herself pay attention. Rebekah sat at her desk and thought about what she could do to succeed in her research class.

          The teacher, Mr. Muntz, was standing at the front of the class holding a stack of books. He announced to the students that he was passing out their handy-dandy MLA Format book. This book would save them so much time and effort; this book would be the handbook to survive this class. Rebekah made note of this on a piece of paper from her pocket: "Keep MLA Format book handy." Mr. Muntz went on this spiel about how he does not want to see papers full of slang, commonly used words or words we obviously don't know the meaning of. "Other must haves: dictionary and thesaurus," was written in underneath the last note.

  SNAP! Rebekah's pencil broke suddenly. "Aww...," she whispered under her breath as she fumbled through her backpack. There were papers, papers, papers everywhere but no pencil in sight! "Note to self, especially since I can't write this down: Keep pens and pencils handy! Oh, and another thing, get notebooks and keep loose papers in folders." Drew was sitting in the chair next to her and noticed her dilemma. He leaned over and asked Rebekah if she needed a new pencil. "Yes, please," Rebekah shyly answered. Drew just shook his head, laughed cordially and handed her a couple of pencils for, "Just in case." Rebekah knew she needed to have some way of organizing her school supplies. She couldn't get through this class with broken pencils and random scraps of paper.

            As Rebekah was scrambling to find a pencil, her desk was strewn with all the junk that formerly made up the inside of her backpack. In the mess, she spotted her library card. "Oh. It's expired," she said to herself sadly. She would need to have her library card renewed soon, because she knew that research papers need information, and even though, Rebekah knew a lot of information, she didn't know everything there is to know in the world. That sort of information would have to be found within the pages of books located in the local library, easily accessed with the possession of a valid library card. Rebekah slipped her expired library card into her pocket. 

            Mr. Muntz’s hand slammed down on Frank’s desk across the room. Poor Frank shot up from his slumber. Rebekah spotted drool dripping from his mouth. “Frank. Have you been paying attention to anything I’ve been saying?” Mr. Muntz sternly asked Frank. Frank looked up at Mr. Muntz and humbly said, “Yes, sir. I have. You told the class to write a short story that’s due at the end of class today. I wrote mine about a fifteen-year old boy who recently lost his parents. I finished ten minutes ago, and I decided to rest a little, because I was up so late last night working on vocabulary for your English class.” Mr. Muntz stood there completely frozen. “Though you exhibited symptoms of apathy and laziness, Frank, you have embodied the three main characteristics I expect from each of you in this class! You listened to my instructions, followed them with flying colors, and finished the job until it was done! Bravo!”

            The bell rang jolting Rebekah’s research class out of their little interruption. Rebekah frantically finished writing down her thoughts of exactly what she needed to be successful in her research class.

Phenomenon.

I messaged this to Asia before our first day of Freshman year. It's nice to look back and see how far we've come.

Ok, I don't really know what I'm referring to, and you can tell I'm ranting, which means I'm obviously really nervous. You know, I was thinking. Wanna go full-out God this year? Idk how to do that, but it sounds exciting. Asia, it'd be awesome if we really stood up for Him and really did what was right. Do you KNOW how much change would happen. It'd be amazing. And for some reason I am suddenly super burdened about ministering to our peers! It's so strange! Asia, I think it'd be so amazing being used by God. I know it's gonna hurt, I'm gonna make major sacrifices, and things like that, but you know as well as I do that the outcome is astounding. And we're really gonna need each other. To keep each other accountable. To pull each other up and toward Christ. Man, seriously, if we were really serious, GOD WILL REVOLUTIONIZE OUR SCHOOL. Really. And man, like even Hazel and Mariah have this new fire. A desire. A burning for Him. If we really stuck together, like they told us to in camp, MAN, GOOD NIGHT! WE'D DO A LOT FOR GOD.... WHOA I'm super on a roll. But seriously, so many people are praying for us, and that's what we learned at camp--to make a difference for God. We have His power. We have HIM on OUR SIDE. Dude, and like. I can't even begin to explain, but I'm feeling vibes that deep down you feel this way too, and you TOTALLY understand what I'm talking about. MY WORD. This is too amazing. We should discuss and pray about it tomorrow. =]

I love you!

I think it is also entertaining to count how many times I said "dude" or "man." I sound way different than I do now. :)

News.

Last night, we were making preliminary decisions about my 16th birthday party. It was fun. :) 

Mom, Dad, and I also went to Home Depot, and I helped Dad shop for PVC pipes. That was so cool. Ten 1 1/2 90 degree elbows. There was this poster in the pipe section that teaches you how to cut and glue pipes together, step by step with pictures. I pointed at the poster and told Dad that I already knew how to do that. He asked me how I knew. I told him that I've seen him do that a million bajillion times and he's even let me try. I feel proud of myself when I know how to do random things like that. :)

Today is a slooooooow Saturday. I kind of want to go watch a movie and get ice cream. :)

Spirit Week.

Well, I think I went into this week with a proud heart. Sometimes I get to thinking that "I don't need these sermons," but that's not true. I still have a lot of growing to do. This week has been pretty humbling. When I think I have it all together, that's when I fall. I can't live my life on my own strength. I need to moment by moment die to myself and let Jesus live through me. I need to live by grace and ask for mercy continually. I need to live redeemed.

My little taste of the summer I didn't have.

Labor Day Monday. :)

First day of Spirit Week.

Today was really good. I will write more about the spiritual side of Spirit Week at the end, because it will take too long. :) I feel like I'm super loud cheering and I can't hear anyone else! It is so difficult to get underclassmen to cheer! Very ironic!! It used to be the upperclassmen who wouldn't cheer.

Anyway, Rio and I were playing together in this huge afternoon game thing today, and he kept having "muscle spasms" in my direction, he was like whacking me with a pool noodle and punching me very wimpy-like. It was ridiculous. I've known that boy for most of his life...if he wasn't Asia's brother... :) Just kidding. He's an awesome kid...I guess being a freshman isn't really a kid...

I digress!! I shouted at him (because it was really loud), "STOP muscle spasming in my direction!!!" And that dark, mysterious sophomore was there, and he thought I was talking to him and he said, "[took God's name in vain]!!! YOU'RE SO MEAN!" Then I felt bad, because I didn't know if he thought I was talking to him or if he was just messing around. I probably shouldn't shout at my friends' brothers..:(

Quick little update.

Went to Bryce's party yesterday. THAT WAS SO MUCH FUN! I love parties like that. They had super good food, and I love his family! They're hilarious and really sweet.

After that, Jon, C.J., Eliza and I went to the beach. I haven't been to the beach since my post about how I felt like summer personified. :) It was fun! We swam out really far, like farther than I had ever been at Ypao beach, but the water never got deep, that was kind of lame. I love swimming in deep, deep, deep, deep water, but I had fun nonetheless!!

We played volleyball too...but hah! Eliza and I are really bad at it, and we kinda just stood there. It was so cute. :)

More later! I have to go! :D

One moment.

I'm reading this book called The Alchemyst: The Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel right now, and there was this part in the book that one of the main characters had this moment of contemplation. He realized that in that exact moment, his life would be changed forever.

I've had one of those experiences. Usually, though, it seems as if one would only realize how life changing that moment would be after time has passed. My memory is like that.

One night, so many months ago...January 21, 2009 exactly, actually.

Nellie Mae, if you're reading this, do you remember? It's the night you and I first started talking. :) I remember distinctly hearing a voice in my head tell me to get up and talk to you. I sure am glad I did. It really feels like my life did change forever. :) I love being dramatic.

But in all seriousness, it did change a lot of things. :) I miss you lots.

More.

We read the "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God" sermon by Jonathan Edwards today in English. It's so interesting that Edwards read this sermon with a monotone voice hardly looking up at the congregation

Another rainy day.

I love days like today. Growing up kind of days.

Ordinary start to my morning. Slow. Sweet.

It was picture day today.

Had some trouble in my morning classes.

I don't really want to get into that, but all is well now.

Hmm, I shared a testimony in Bible class today. It kind of had something to do with what I shared in prayer meeting last night. I will try to remember what I said.

"After sitting in so many testimonies in our class, I realized that there is one definite thing we have in common, not only with the girls in this room, but with human kind in general. It's that we all hurt; we all have hurts deep inside us, that sometimes we don't even know how to express. Before prayer meeting last night, I was reading through Romans 8, and I thought I should share this with you guys." It's hard to directly quote myself. I quit...I read verses in Romans and told the girls about how our sufferings on earth is nothing compared to the glory we will receive in Heaven, if we are children of God. (vs 18)"

"It is so comforting to know that this pain, this suffering is only temporary and that we have Heaven to look forward to, but sometimes, when we are really hurting, it's hard to grasp the reality of eternity in Heaven. I was talking to Mrs. Loker a couple of weeks ago, and she was saying that when we are in Heaven, earth will feel as faraway as Heaven does right now."

I said more stuff, but I don't quite remember anymore, but it had to do with verses 24 and 25: about hoping for something I can't see, which makes it something I hope for, if that makes sense. I asked, "Do you guys know what it's like when you're crying and crying and you really want to tell someone how you're feeling but you don't know how to put into words? You have that aching feeling in your heart and it just hurts to cry? Well, in verse 26, it says that the Holy Spirit understands those feelings that we can't put to words. He makes intercession for us. I don't have to try to tell God how I feel when my heart hurts like that. He understands anyway."

"The next verse after that is incredible. Verse 28. And when Paul says, all things, he means all things, the good and the bad. Isn't it amazing to know that all things will work together for good?" I said that God's plan for us isn't something bad, something we should be worried or afraid of, but it's GOOD.

I read the passage about God's love. And that's when I just felt so burdened. I shared with the girls how nothing, absolutely nothing, not even the Devil himself can separate us from God's love.

"God in His mercy loved us so much that He sent His perfect Son to come to this dirty, sinful world to die for us. That's humbling, but you know what, it's also really exciting. Why? Because Jesus didn't stay dead. I know you guys have heard this before, but this is what I want to share with you. You can go to Mohammed's grave or Buddha's grave, and you will see them there, dead. You can go to the grave of Jesus Christ, and there isn't anybody there. My Savior is risen. He beat death. Mrs. Loker shared in a homeroom devo last year that if John died for her, it would be honorable and she would be really thankful, but John would be dead and she would be sad. Jesus loved us more than John could ever love Mrs. Loker, and He did die for us, but my Jesus didn't stay dead. He is alive and real, and He is seated at the right hand of the Father making intercession for us. Isn't that awesome? Not only do you have Harvest teachers and fellow students praying for you, but you have Jesus praying for you. I don't know, but I find that so amazing!!"

"I love you guys so much, and it is so special the unity and openness we share in this class. I sit through your testimonies and cry, not because it makes me sad, but because it is so encouraging seeing you guys up here sharing your hearts. It's encouraging to see you grow. Really, it is."

I felt extremely inclined to pray again, so I did. I thanked God for these girls and for our class and for the sweet fellowship we share. Honestly, I really love my class. There's something so special about my class and my grade. We are family, truly.

Miss Choi added to what I said about Jesus making intercession for us. It's in John 17.

"Neither pray I for these alone (His disciples), but for them also which shall (or will) believe in me through their word. That they all may be one; as Thou, Father art in me, and I in Thee, that they also may be one in us (unity); that the world may believe that Thou hast sent me. And the glory Thou gavest me I have given them; that they may be one, even as we are one. I in them, and Thou in me, that they may be perfect in one; and that the world may know that Thou has sent me, and has loved them, as Thou hast loved me.

Jesus prayed for believers in the future too, which would be us believers today. He prayed for unity, so that the world might believe in Him. Not only that, but this passage says that God loves us as much as He loves Jesus. It's incredibly humbling. I learned a lot today.

Prayer notes for Jon.

1. Prayer is accompanied by obedience. Prayer is obedience, but it also requires obedience. If I am not obedient, then our prayers are in vain.

2. Prayer's answers involve waiting, isolation, and fasting. The most effective praying is done in secret, away from the world. We must lose sight of the world, of what steals our hearts the most. In our secret prayer life, we experience the presence of God the most. In our corporate prayer life, we experience the power of God the most.

3. Prayer is how we know God's will. God speaks to us through His Word; We talk to him through prayer.

I know it's not as detailed Pastor Joe's message, but this is what I have.

Tuesday.

Hmm, it's the first of the month, and I can use my Pandora account. Last month I used up the max of 40 hours, because I just let it play the whole day while I was home. I don't think I'll use it up all this month..:)

Anyway, today was good. They had my favorite muffin in the coffee shop this morning. Cappuccino chunk! And they have this new blended drink that I tried: Nutter Crunch, something like that. It has a scoop of peanut butter and Reese's peanut butter cup in it. It's YUM. We had the August birthday party in homeroom today. :D We had chocolate cake with Cool Whip icing and a mini quiche thing to eat. It was fun. :) I love being in Miss Choi's class. She's super sweet and I learn a lot from her. :) I am thankful.

The past couple of days in our Life Skills classes, we've had girls in my class give testimonies. Yesterday, Jenny gave hers, and it brought me to tears. She was telling us of what God's done in her life and how far she's come. She shared a little of her background and how all the things she's gone through gives her a ministry to connect with people who are going through the same thing. It's so humbling to see God working in her life, which is why I started crying. People like her are the reason why I don't give up hope on our students at Harvest. I believe..

Today, Chloe gave a testimony about when her mom got cancer when we were in 9th grade. She told us about how she felt no one could really understand all that she was going through, but then she started talking to Mr Lewis, whose mother went through the same exact thing just three times over. And you know, it got me thinking of two things.

1) Just in my life skills class alone, there are a lot of hurting hearts. I am so blessed to be with the girls in my Bible class. Their hearts are so tender, and it is so amazing to watch the Word of God speak to them. I feel like family.

2) When we go through hard times, it does give us a ministry that no one else can have. I love talking to people who know exactly what I mean, understand totally, and can relate like no other. I want to the be that kind of person to people.

I'm giving the testimony for our class on Thursday. I'm not sure about what I'm going to say yet...I have so much to say. I have no idea where to start.

In other news, I had lunch with Mrs. Loker today. Aww, I love her so much!! It was nice to just sit and talk and cry and laugh. :) Anyway, I have to go to drama rehearsal in just a little bit. It's 7pm-9pm tonight. Isn't that crazy?