Snapshots of Life.

Walk with me.
Don't worry about the clothes you're wearing, what your hair looks like, if you've got the right shoes on, or if you're even clean or not.
The people we'll meet, they won't care.
I don't.
Neither should you.

Smell the air.
It's intoxicating.
How can something be so sweet,
Yet it cannot be held or tasted?
I know. Four letters.
They change everything.
I smell the sunshine. I feel the breeze.
I hear the crunching sound of gravel beneath my feet.
Look over the horizon.
The sun is peeking over the hills, the ocean, the world.

Paint me a picture of the sky.
With your words.
Let me try.
I see a glowing ball of fire,
Burning up the heavens with the same intensity that loving hearts burn.
Does it match yours?
Hints of pink and purple kiss the blazing orange.
Tops of trees, peaks of faraway mountains dress the view like no other.

Take me there.
I'm tired of walking. Too slow.
I'll race you.
Right into the sun.
Leave the car. The bike.
Whatever you used to get here.
Ditch it.
And run.
With all you've got.
As if your life depended on it.

Watch the people.
As they watch us.
They look in wonder.
Tell me. Do you feel it?
Do you feel their gazes slide off you?
That, love, is what you call acceptance.

Breathe it in.
One more time.
Even deeper.
Is that possible?
To breathe acceptance in,
While we're going faster than the scenery?

Slow down.
Do you hear it?
I do.
It's the sound of night falling.
The sound of my heart beating.
The sound of a river bubbling nearby.
Are you listening?

Look at the stars.
It's dark.
I see their reflection in your eyes.
Tell me.
What do you see?

Philippians.

May 24, 2009 Intro
Background

• To Philippi on Paul's 2nd missionary journey
  -Philippi a prominent city; Roman colony
  -beginning of Philippian church: Lydia and prison guard
• Wrote Philippians in 2nd Roman imprisonment

Author: Paul
Audience: Christians in Philippi
Date: AD60
Theme: "joyfully suffering" Joy occurs 16 times.

5 purposes

1. Paul wanted the church to know how things were going for him and his plans. (1:12-26, 2:23-24)
2. Paul encouraged humility with a view of unity. (2:1-18, 4:2-3)
3. Paul wanted to caution the church about negative teaching and consequences of false teachers. (3:2-3ff)
4. Paul wanted to commend Timothy to the church and give reports of Epaphroditus. (2:19-30)
5. Paul wanted to thank the church for their concern and their gifts. (4:10-20)

Ok, I think that's all pretty self-explanatory. I found it very helpful to read Philippians a chapter at a time, and then two chapters at a time. I read 1 and 2 together, 2 and 3 together, and then finally 3 and 4 together. Then I read all 4 together. Now, I'm reading the chapters in sections along with my MacArthur study Bible. It helps see the bigger picture and see Paul's intentions in the letter.

May 31, 2009 Choose JOY
Philippians 1:1-11
What do I put my joy in?
-Temporal circumstances or eternal truth?
5 things to put my joy in

1. The Joy of Recollection v. 3
   -Remember what God has done
   -God saved Lydia, the prison guard and his family (Acts 16)
   -Phil 4:15-16
2. The Joy of Intercession v. 4, 9-11
   -Even in painful circumstances: rejoice
   
   • False teachers were spreading contentions about Paul because he was in jail, but he praised God because the Gospel was being spread through his imprisonment.
   • Euodia and Syntyche (4:2)
     -How should I pray for people? (Phil 1:9-11) Grow in:
     
     • Love
     • Excellence
     • Integrity
     • Good Works
     • Glorifying God
3. The Joy of Participation (fellowship) v. 5
   -2 Cor. 13:14
   
   • "communion of the Holy Ghost"
   • It is the because of the Holy Ghost that we are bonded together with people we don't even know! That's the bond with believers! :)
   -God made us to fellowship with each other
4. The Joy of Anticipation v. 6
5. The Joy of Affection v. 7
   Focused on eternal TRUTH, not temporal circumstances
   
   

Any questions? Please ask! :)

Five in the sleepless morning.

I love this.
I'm sitting on my bed, and it's FREEZING.
Well, freezing for Guam. ;)
I'm under my blankets all nice and warm.
My reading light on my headboard bookshelf thingy is on.
Great ambiance lighting.
Soft, acoustic-y music is playing.
"Could the Maker of the stars hear the sound of my breaking heart? One light, that's all I am. Right now I can barely stand. If You're everything You say You are, won't You come close and hold my heart."
It's inspiring.
I look out my window, and it's still dark.
The world, at least my side of the world, is still asleep.
I am not.
I am wide awake. :)

Someday I'm gonna go out to the country
I'll drive til the highway ends
Chasing after picture perfect sunsets
To take away my breath
I'm tired of living in the city
The world's got me tied on a string
Wanderlust has overcome me
Like Louis and Clark I'll dream
There's a million different ways to go
Only God can know where I will call my home

Love lead me on
Where no one else has gone.
Faith keep me strong.
Love lead me on.

I am unbelieveably blessed.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I used to think, "God didn't give me a whole lot of great memories, just a lot of experiences to learn from." That's sort of true. Looking back, I really do have a plethora of once in a lifetime memories, some of 'em not everyone can say they've experienced. The latter half of that statement still rests true. I have had a lot of experiences to learn from.

I'm not saying this so everyone who reads my blog could be like, "Oh poor Ruthie!" or "Whoa! Ruthie's so awesome!" No, not at all. Just the facts, love. Just the facts.

One of the things that irritate me when I deal with other people is when they underestimate me. I am not just another fifteen year old girl who can't think for herself. I am not just another young person who makes heaps of stupid mistakes because she doesn't learn from them. I am not just another statistic on a chart saying that society hinders me from what I want to do, just because of my skin color, where I live, what I believe. No. That's not who I am.

This is me. I'm a sinner saved by grace by an almighty, loving Savior, Jesus Christ. I've got an amazing family. Yeah, we may be a bunch of broken people who struggle to love each other like Jesus loves, but we're strong. Our bonds are strengthened by the fact that it's God who keeps us together. It's His love that ties our heartstrings and keeps us a family. My friends are amazing. My best friend, Asia, and I have known each other and been best friends since I was two and half. I have never looked back since. If wealth were measured by our friends, I would be so rich, so extravagantly rich. Take that up a notch. If wealth were measured by the quality of our friends, I would be even richer than extravagant.

I've been put through a whole lot of junk in my life. I won't sugar coat that. I've got extended family problems up the wall. Their drama beats the tar out of the drama on TV. I've had friends take advantage of my emotions, take my heart and throw it back in my face. I've been manipulated into thinking that I was the most important person in a friend's life, only to be treated like the person she most hates. I've had so many breakdowns that I've lost count. I don't remember a day in the past 5 years that I haven't cried. I don't know how many times I've shared my heart with someone, gotten to the point of being the most vulnerable, only to have them walk all over me. I don't remember how many times I've had someone say "I love you" to me and tell me that I mean the world to them, only to have them break my heart time and time again. There have been times where I've come home shaking 'cause I can't stop crying, throwing up because I hurt so much, screaming 'cause I want the hurt to stop.

And the thing that bites the most, is that I kept going back. I can't give up on people that I love. Call it a character flaw, call it self-sacrificial love. I know my heart will get hurt going into friendships, relationships like that, but more importantly, I know the Healer of Hearts. The people that I've dealt with that have broken me to pieces, they don't know the Love that I know. That's why I keep coming back. I want them to have the Love that I have. I want them to know the healing that comes when resting in the fact that I can never do anything to change how much God loves me.

If there's anything in this life that I've learned that I can apply to my life on an everyday basis, is I know what love is, what loving someone to the point that it hurts means. So when I say I love you. I mean it. From the overflowing depths of my heart.

And so...

continues the tale of my amazing life. :)

I feel so alive, so strong, so real...and so, so tired!
This is one of my favorite feelings.
Feeling accomplished because I've done hard work.
It's empowering! I feel useful!
It makes me happy. :)

I love the sun, and the sun loves me. I am loved by the sun so much that I am rosy all over.
I am sun kissed. :)

Hmmm, what else? Oh, song for today. We played it a ton when we were coloring....I mean, building character. We got owned today by Mr. Keith for slacking off. Well, I know that he wasn't talking to me, because when everyone got in trouble for sleeping yesterday (I was sleeping too), he said I could go back to sleep 'cause I told him I wasn't feeling well. I love being dependable. AND THEN, Miss Geiman got on to us about coloring, of all things. That lecture wasn't for me either, 'cause I was never assigned to any coloring job. It was kind of scary seeing her annoyed, because Miss Geiman is very hard to annoy to the point of being lectured. She doesn't even talk to us like that at drama when she's stressed. I guess we did a cruddy job of coloring. SO we had to color like A SHRILLION papers for like 2 hours this morning. I wasn't complaining. I love to color. Ok, we have found out that coloring with other people is super good bonding time! Seriously! Stacy on the camp team last year said that couples at Northland color for dates, and lemme tell ya! I see why! It was just us girls coloring, but it was a RIOT! I haven't laughed like I have today in a really long time. It was so good. I'm so thankful to be alive. My life...is amazing.

Today's Song:
Out of My League
Look it up.
It's cute. Mariah likes the piano.

Today's quote:
Heather: I'm Vermontese! And we talk like this in Vermont, "Hey you wanna go CHILL?!"
Tammy: What's "chill?"
Heather: Like you know, "We're chillin! Let's go chill!"
Tammy: You wanna go to Chili's???
Heather: Yeah! I love Italian food!
Jessa: It's Mexican!
Ai adai. Tammy is this awesome girl in the 5th-7th grade class. She's SUPER funny. Is Chili's Mexican? It seemed likely...and unlikely at the same time. Whatever.

Bahahahaha! I love chilling with the girls on the cool school team. They're the BOMB!
Heather is crazy! We listened to Can I Have This Dance and The Greatest Story Ever Told. Honestly, it is super de-duper fun listening to sweet music with my girls. It's either supreme concentration to learn the song or ridiculous apathy when singing the song at the top of our lungs. Good stuff. This is gonna be a great summer. And I love it! LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!

First party-Harrison's going away thingy.

This is Luke's picture. I'd like to say that right at the beginning so he doesn't get upset...
I hope we have more parties. Summer is not summer without the shindigs. I like this picture. :)

I am so tired.

I don't remember what happened yesterday anymore. I'm sorry.
And quite frankly, I don't remember what happened today either...well, sort of.

This is all I can remember.
I remember sleeping anywhere I liked, which was a lot of places.
It really feels like summer. The sun is getting to me. I love just laying in the sun.
It's so nice to be able to just chill whenever and wherever.
I think the only thing I don't like about Harvest during the summer is that the classrooms are so bare...other than that, being at Harvest during the summer is the BOMB!

I'm so tired. I went all-out pushing the kids on the swing today. I'm sore. I don't know how I can end up sore from pushing kids on the swing. I played basketball this morning...just played Knockout. I kept running around the place. I had so much energy.

I love this feeling. Waking up in the mornings super energized. and going to bed exhausted.
More another time.

First day of Cool School, a wedding and a party

Ok, so I didn't go to the wedding, but it just made my day sound busier. :)

Cool School
TOTALLY not as bad as I was expecting it to be. Gahhh, I need to dash my own expectations to the point where I do not have any anymore. They are either not met, and I am disappointed, or circumstances exceed my expectations, which makes me happy, but results in higher expectations for "next time." Oh, back to what I was talking about.

Josh, the camp team intern, is leading our Bible study this summer. We're going to be studying prayer, and it's gonna be hardcore. Seriously. We're gonna be setting aside time to pray, by ourselves and in groups. We're gonna be learning about fasting and how seriously God takes prayer. It's gonna be SO good. I'll try to remember to post up main ideas and things that stuck out to me on here, 'cause I am certain that it'll be beneficial for all parties involved.

Joey, Jer, Min Shik and I are in a group, and we get to help out with 1st grade. I love this age group. Most of the kids in the 1st grade class I've been able to work with in extended care during the school year, so it was really helpful that I've already established a "teacher"-student relationship with them, you know? And as an added blessing, they're a GREAT group of kids! Seriously! I don't know if it's because they had first-day anxiety that they were so well-behaved, but I know those kids well enough to know that they are in general very mellow. I love it! Min Shik didn't really work with us in the morning, because he was with the K-4, K-5 class. There was this little Korean boy that kept crying, but Min Shik was able to make him stop, and now they're buddies! It is the cutest thing!!!

Wedding
I didn't go to the wedding today, but I have random stuff to say about it. I was helping Heather direct traffic during carline this afternoon, and I was able to see the bride and groom as they crossed the street to the reception in the FLC, and it was so precious. I love weddings, and I love how the newlyweds look right after the ceremony is over. They are just glowing, and I think that's got to be on my "favorite looks" list. That and the face of the groom as the bride walks in the church. Oh, and the Dad's face when he gives his daughter away. It makes me want to cry. Oh, another one would be the look of a mother when she gets to see her baby for the first time after giving birth, especially when it's her first child. Oh that reminds me. It was so cute...Asia told me that when her grandma's firstborn child was born, Asia's grandpa bought her flowers. He did that for every single child that was born, and when Asia's uncle (their last) was born, Asia's grandpa still bought flowers, and one of the nurses asked Asia's grandpa if that was their first child. He answered and said, "Oh no. That one's our 8th." So precious...Wow, that was definitely a rabbit trail. Maybe it could be a duck trail because we all know where rabbit trails lead so it would be kind of expected, but then if you watch Micah's episode of OTB about rabbit trails and duck trails, then you would expect it to be a duck trail. Maybe it could be a...skunk trail. Yeahh, maybe it could be a skunk trail because we would be so off-subject that the skunk would get mad and then he would be like all stinky and then we would smell it and want to leave the skunk trail and get back to the main subject.

WOW. I really cannot focus. Oh more about weddings! I was at the Jodi's (hah) going away party tonight, and it was at the Penas', and I got to see their wedding pictures, and my my my they're adorable!! I love wedding pictures. Yeah, random stuff. :) I love looking at wedding pictures, even when I don't know the people in the pictures. I don't remember which wedding I was at, but there was this neat-o wedding that I went to and at the reception there were disposable cameras at each of the tables for the guests to take their own pictures of everything. I suppose that would work if the kiddos didn't steal the cameras or people didn't take dumb pictures. OK, maybe that idea has quite a few flaws.

Party
SO. We had a party without lemons or Harrison's party shirt, so I guess it wasn't really a party, which may be why the party ended so quickly. It probably was the fastest party I've ever been to. Most of the guests were gone by 8, and we started at 6:30. Ai adai...that's so not an island thing. Hmmm, we ate Spanish food and it was DELICIOUS! Oh and we went around saying nice stuff about her, and I had said that I'm going to miss going to her when I would spontaneously start crying in class and I told her that I love her hugs! Right after I was done, Mr. Babin was like, "I'll be the new go-to hugger." It was so weird! Everyone started laughing and I was so embarrassed. I was blushing so much. Yes, I am brown, and yes, I can blush. I think Asia and I are the only brown kiddos that I know that can blush and you can SO tell. I was sitting next to Pastor and when he needed to go, he gave Mr. Babin a hug..and it was the funniest thing. :)

Now.
I'm so tired. I can't focus if this blog doesn't make it obvious enough.
I'm gonna crash. post later.

Outrigger.

My mom came in my room this morning and told me we were going to the Outrigger hotel to shoot a commercial for her Sustantia coalition thingy. Anyway, she said I was just tagging along. I didn't have to do anything. I could even bring my laptop and use her anywhere-internet thing.

So. I'm sitting here at the beach shack area by the beach at the Outrigger. Funny, when this hotel first opened and Dad first started working at UWW, I used to swim at this beach all the time. I was here the day the sand collapsed and there was this HUGE hole in the sand, and it was full of sand eels. It was wayyyy cool. You know me..well, I mean, if you DO know me, then you know that I LOVE the sea. I love everything about it, so the fact that I was there when something like THAT happened makes me gush. 

ANYWAY, I was just sitting at the beach shack thing when the camera lady comes over to me and hands me sheets of paper. Mom tells me that I have to memorize these lines and that I'm going to be in the shot real soon. Crazy stuff. I had to say, "Getting out and playing in the sunshine is a lot of fun, but did you know that it's great for you too? Getting at least 60 minutes of physical activity everyday helps: Strengthen bones, Reduce blood pressure, (something) stress, Increase self-esteem, and helps you stay fit. So get out, get fit, and have fun!" 

Can you find all the grammatical errors in those sentences??

It was so annoying, but I had to read it like the script...Argh.. Well, then, Kaz is like on my back, and I'm walking and talking, and lemme tell ya, rattling off lines on stage is way different than doing it in front of a camera. On stage I don't have to feel bad that I'm wasting film...

So whatever. I'm still sitting at this beach shack thing sipping a Pink Elephant from the Hava Java Cafe in the lobby, listening to 80s music that this place is playing, and smelling the salty ocean air. I love it.

I'm realizing more and more than I can never live in a city. I will always have to live near the ocean, in the mountains, in the country, in the woods, in the middle of nowhere...just not a city. I will suffocate. I think I could stand living in London only because I was too young to have opinions like that. :) One of these days I'll try to put to words all those England memories. They're way cool. 

I just remembered.

I'm listening to Dr. Horn preaching on the radio...and he said something about finding a good church...

I think I've mentioned it before, but one of the reasons we didn't stay in England when we lived there was that there wasn't a good church...I don't have very many details, but all I can say is that I'm so thankful that my parents chose to move back to Guam, because I have seen what I could have become, and it is a very scary sight. 

Thank You, Jesus! I'm glad I'm here. (and thankful)

Memory Unload.

This was my favorite house that we stayed in while we were in the Philippines for Christmas. This was where I stayed the first night I was away from my parents. This was where Mom told me that she and Dad needed to go back into the city for surgery. This was the only house that our family was able to spend good, quality time together. We stayed here for a week. We being Mom, Dad, Frances, Kaz, and I. Just us. It's really my grandma's house. Well, at least for a little while it was. It wasn't very big. We only used the bottom floor, but it's built at the top of a hill and my, my, my it's gorgeous in the morning. There's a balcony out back right outside the kitchen. This is in Baguio (I think that's how you spell it), and it's in the mountains so it's nice and chilly. Mom and I would sit on the balcony in the morning and just keep each other company. It was...wonderful.

Ok, this house is in Subic where the old American military base used to be, I think. I don't know, but I'm pretty sure it was. The house that this neighborhood is in looks very American, and it was comforting. This is the first house we stayed at after we got out of Manila. This is where I spent Christmas. This is where I really became close with my grandma before she passed away. She took care of me the whole time I was sick. The night before Christmas eve, I got really sick. Mom had just gotten out of surgery, so she and Dad were still at the hospital. Everyone else in my family were too busy to really take care of me because it was so close to Christmas, but Lola (that's what I call my grandma) took care of me. She even gave me her bed next to the bathroom, because I was throwing up so much. On Christmas Eve, I started getting really shivery (not the happy, excited kind). My bones ached so much, and I kept having to get out of bed to throw up. I hated it. Yes, I did use the word hate. I cried most of the whole time I was sick. I wanted out. I wanted Mom. I wanted home. It was wretched. But Lola took care of me. Even though she was so old and needed her rest, she still made sure I always had water to drink and anything else I needed. She would sit at the foot of my bed and tell me stories-of her life during the war (like WWII), my grandpa, Dad when he was little, her memories of me while we lived in England, things she's learned over the years. It was so special. I think that was one of the biggest reasons that I was so bummed when I found out that Lola had cancer, she was in the ICU...and then she passed away. Broke my heart. I love my grandma. I LOVE my grandma. I'm just so very thankful I can say I'll see her again one day in Heaven. Woot! :)

It's a two-story, obviously, and at the top of the stairs, Tita Vicky (I'm told I look a lot like her, because she and I look very Natividad-like. I don't think I look like her) had a couch in the "hallway" between the bedrooms. I think I read about 20 books on that couch. I don't know what was wrong with me, but I passed up several opportunities to go to the beach and go jet skiing just to read. Wait a minute. I think that's because I LIVE at the beach! Right across from the couch at the top of the stairs was a huge window, and right outside that window was a very large tree. I say it was a very Ruthie house. I loved it. 

This is another house that we stayed in while we were in Baguio. Oh it was the coolest house we stayed in. "Cool" as in awesome, and "cool" as in VERY cold, especially for an island girl like me. I was so cold! But what made up for the chilly temperature was the view! I don't know how we manage to get all these crazy nice houses, but this one was again built on a hill. Actually come to think of it, Baguio is a hill...mountain really, which would explain why everything is on a hill....maybe. Anyway! It's another two-story, and the whole top floor is divided up into two spaces. One side are smaller rooms with doors, and then the rest of the space is one HUGE room with gigantic windows on two sides. The floors were made of wood and everything was lit by natural light. It was so beautiful to look at! And Baguio is famous for their strawberries, so every morning I would go downstairs and see a breathtaking view while eating the sweetest strawberries ever. It was such a neat experience!

Dilemma.

I'm getting really sick of picking at my food.

It's like I don't want to eat.

It's not that I'm not hungry, because I most definitely AM.

But I just can't eat. It makes me sad!!!

I had a scoop of ice cream yesterday and just like 3 Swedish fish...and my stomach started hurting so badly. It wasn't even a ton of food. I don't know. That's been happening a lot lately. I'm eating this burrito thing right now. At least, I'm trying. Hopefully, my stomach will finally make up its mind and choose to settle.

I WANT TO WANT TO EAT.

Well, isn't that just ironic?

I had a friend once who HATED eating and it ruined her.

I WANT to eat but...I just can't. 

This is silly. 

Books I want list.

Hattie Big Sky by Kirby Larson

-This is probably one of the best books I've ever read. Ok, that may be a little exaggerated. But it is so unique. I read it at the beginning of the school year. It was so good, I read it one sitting. It's about this 16 year old orphan girl that moves to her late uncle's homestead cabin in Montana, and basically the book's about how she has to prove up the cabin and learn how to live out there. It's a cute story. Shoot. I wanna read it again...It's super good. I think it made me cry. 

Passion and Purity by Elizabeth Elliot

-I've already read this book and ironically I have it's sequel, but I do not have this book. D: But it is definitely a good one. 

I can't think of any more, because all that I can think about now is how I really want to be able to somehow find Hattie Big Sky...ugh. Hah. I make myself laugh.

My Bookshelf.

I was rearranging my bookshelf yesterday, and I noticed something...Something I knew already, but it was something that made me stop and think.

I come from a very well-read family. Think I'm a bookworm? You should meet Dad. He reads all the time. My sister's room has books stacked up in almost every space available. My grandfather was a brilliant man. He, just as I, had an incredible love for books. I have proof of such love for the written word. 

In my room, I have a bookshelf that is roughly 6 1/2 feet high and almost 5 1/2 feet wide. I just approximated those measurements. All to say, it's a large bookshelf. Contained on its shelves are parts of book collections from 3 generations of my family. Ok, I make that sound like I have a lot of old books. No, most of them are fairly new. I suppose I mean that the books on my shelf prove that a love for books often gets passed down from one family member to another. I love it. There are so many different kinds of books on my bookshelf. If I decided to read (or reread) all the books on my shelf, I could probably be the most well-rounded, well-read person I know. I may already be that...I don't know. :) 

I have books like:

The Oxford Companion to World War II

The Good Housekeeping Illustrated Microwave Cookbook (I think this one is funny)

Understanding Children

The Works of Maupassant

From Sea to Shining Sea: A Treasury of American Folklore and Folk Songs

Five-Minute Mysteries

The Seven Wonders of the World

Institutes in Basic Life Principles

Oh the Thinks You Can Think! (Dr. Seuss. Probably one of my very first books)

A Woman and Her God

The Essential Aromatherapy Book

Uncle Tom's Cabin

America's Hidden Treasures

The Complete Chess Guide (I used to play chess. Imagine that! I failed, however)

Walden (or Life in the Woods)

Apples for Teachers

The Unabridged Works of William Shakespeare

And that...that is only from one of my bookshelves. And only...only just a smidgen (yes, this is a real word) of the amount that I truly own. Yes, I own them all. When my grandfather passed away, he gave all his books to me. :) I don't know if that's down in paper somewhere legally, but I do know that he always appreciated my love for books and always continued to give me more books to devour. 

On my personal bookshelves, I have:

The Penderwicks (I love this book!) by Jeanne Birdsall

Life on the Edge by James Dobson

Voices of the Faithful by Beth Moore and friends

Trusting God by Jerry Bridges

Crazy English by Richard Lederer (Good book for word lovers! hah)

Hawthorne's Short Stories by Nathaniel Hawthorne

Amazing Grace by Megan Shull (this is like...the epitome of girl thinking. It's hilarious)

7 Kinds of Smart by Thomas Armstrong Ph.D (Apparently, I'm extremely word smart. Surprise surprise)

Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris (aka Kevin jk)

Beautiful in God's Eyes by Elizabeth George

Twelve Extraordinary Women by John MacArthur 

Gossamer by Lois Lowry

Keeper of the Night by Kimberly Willis Holt

Sleeping Freshman Never Lie by David Lubar (LOVE this book)

The Power of a Praying Woman by Stormie Omartian

Swear to Howdy by Wendelin Van Draanen

Tangerine by Edward Bloor (phenomenal. one of my favorites)

Ok, I don't know why I needed to make a list of random books on my shelf. I thought it was fun, but it may not be just as fun to read the titles of books of mine. Silly Ruthie. Oh well. 

I love books. And in case anybody decided that they wanted to too, I have millions and millions of books on my list of recommendations. :) Ok, maybe not millions. 

This Side of Heaven.

This Side of Heaven

The rain fell torrentially today. I love the feeling of rain. A cold, rainy day in the city excites me like no other kind of day. Today I took pictures in the park of the fountains. There was this couple that look like Mom and Dad, and it made me miss them.

It’s almost Christmas. The traditional tree in the park is a constant reminder of that fact. I can’t bear this. I used to really love Christmas, but after Mom and Dad died, I just can’t take it. It hurts to be alone in the world this young. Sometimes their death doesn’t even faze me anymore, but it’s days like this that scream memories. I think that’s why I prefer these days; they force me to remember.

I miss them. Fifteen is not a good age for a boy to lose his parents.

I’m supposed to take pictures of some young couple’s wedding this afternoon. I hate weddings, but I need the money. I’m a freelance photographer, and this lady hired me to take pictures of her wedding. I’m not the best photographer, but she thought I was good enough.

Nobody really knows what exactly happened to Mom and Dad, which kills me. Whatever it is that happened, I was supposed to be with them. I was supposed to die that day too. It’s scary stuff to think about, so that’s why every day that I am alive, I thank God that for some reason, I’m still living.

I got dressed up for the wedding. Ok, I know there are loads of guys that hate dressing up, but I like it. It reminds me of the time Mom and Dad brought me to Aunt Jill and Uncle George’s wedding. For this wedding, however, I got a cheap, vintage suit-type thing at a thrift store on the way home. I don’t think I look so bad in it…

Ok, remember how I mentioned before that I hate weddings and once went to Uncle George and Aunt Jill’s wedding? Yeah, that wedding was a disaster—fluffy pink dresses and dyed poodles. I don’t know what they were thinking. Gross. I think weddings are gross; I don’t know why, but they are. Anyway, this wedding is ok. Outdoors. Sunset. White lights. It seems strange in the middle of winter thought. An outdoor wedding in December? Lovely.

Whoa. There’s this girl down front that looks so familiar. What’s her name? I can’t remember…Dawn Berkley! She used to be live next door to our family back in our old neighborhood when I was about five or six. She and I used to play outside together all the time. I remember she had this crazy notion that she would grow up to be the librarian in the world’s largest collection of books. I haven’t seen her in ages! We used to be best friends. I wondered how she’s been, so I went up to her and talked. Easier said than done.

“Hey, Dawn?” I asked nervously. She turned around and looked at me. Oh my word, she looked like she was going to pass out or throw up or cry out of shock. I didn’t know what to do, and I felt stupid…what if she didn’t want to talk to me? Or didn’t remember me?

“Addison Hawthorne. It’s been a long time.” Oh, then she smiled! My heart returned to its place, far from the depths of my stomach like I felt it had been.

“How have you been? Why are you at this wedding anyway?” I tried small talk.

“Hah! My cousin is the bride, and she’s a little offbeat, which explains why this wedding seems so eccentric. Imagine that. Outdoor wedding in the snow. Lovely. My life’s been pretty sane. We moved out of the house next to yours shortly after your family did. I miss it though. Remember when I would come over, and we would bake cookies with your mom? How are your parents anyway?” she pleasantly replied to my feeble attempts at conversation.

I didn’t know how to tell her. My parents might as well have been her parents too. Dawn came over all the time. Her parents were out of town a lot, so she basically lived at our house. “Uhh…well, it’s a very complicated story. Do you have time?” I asked. She said she did, and we went for a walk.

Dawn took it a lot better than I thought she was going to. I was half-expecting her to completely bawl her eyes out, but then again, Dawn never was one of those girls who cried about every little thing. She has always been pretty cool like that.

“Hey, the wedding’s about to start. I think we oughta get going. I’ll meet you at the reception. Will you still be here?” Dawn asked hopefully.

I went to my spot to take pictures. It was kind of a drag compared to talking with Dawn. I took some really nice pictures, so the bride was satisfied. She was gushing so much that she said she didn’t mind if I didn’t take reception pictures. I didn’t mind either. I made my way toward the food line, but I somehow ended up looking at the bride’s pictures. It was eerie. There were a few pictures of her in her late teen years that had my parents in them. I’m guessing that she knew my parents. Man, every time that I think I’ve gotten to the point where nothing will remind me of them, echoes of their past come back to haunt me.

“Addison?” Dawn called, startling me back to the present. “Where have you been?”
My mind reeled. “Oh, sorry, Dawn. These pictures…why are my parents in them? How do they know your cousin? What’s her name?” I frantically replied.

“Well, I don’t know why your parents are in them, and I don’t know how they know Abigail—yes, that’s her name, Abigail,” she answered.

“Weird.” It was getting late, and I thought I should probably be getting home. Home…”Hey, Dawn, I think I should be getting home now. I’ll catch up with you again another time.” I hoped she would want to too.

“Yeah! No problem. Mom and Dad say that you can stop by the house anytime.” She handed me her dad’s cell phone number and directions to her house. Funny. She’s still the same Dawn Berkley that I knew growing up. At least some things don’t change.

I left the wedding and boarded the subway. When the train stopped by the park, I couldn’t resist taking a walk through it. That’s totally not safe this late at night, but…it’s a risk that I feel that I have to take. There is an unusual amount of people in the park at this time. It sounds as if it’s poetry night. There’s a girl, a young-looking one, reciting something she’s written. I have no idea if it’s a real poem or not…

“The sun rises on a new day, signifying a clean slate. Beginnings. Life. To start anew is something that everybody longs for…but what happens at sunset? What happens at endings? What happens? Death happens. Hearts hurt. And tears are shed. There is another place where sunsets do not exist, but that’s heaven. Then we ask, ‘What about now? What about this side of heaven?” she cried out. It wasn’t well-written, and it didn’t really flow, but it made me think.

I stopped and listened. I didn’t know what to think. My stomach dropped, and my throat was dry. My bones ached. I missed my mom. I missed dad. I missed how they used to come into my room before bedtime and pray with me, even though I was far too old to be tucked in. Look at me. I’m bawling my eyes out like a little kid. I missed Mom’s hugs and Dad’s words of wisdom. I feel so vulnerable without them. And it hurts so much that I don’t even know what happened to them! This feels so surreal. I want to know what happened.

I went to bed that night in a flurry of thoughts and emotions. Slowly drifting to sleep, I decided that I would find out who this Abigail person is. The next morning I woke up to the faint smells of sugary cinnamon wafting up into the attic. I got up from bed, looked through my closet for some clean clothes. A picture fell from the top shelf, up in a place I don’t ever look. It was a picture of me as a baby in my mother’s arms. You can’t see Mom, but I know that the baby is me. I had that stomach dropping sick feeling again. Why is there a picture of me in someone else’s closet? Why are the remnants of my past still lingering? This is too much.

I pulled up a stool and saw shoeboxes full of my parents’ old stuff. I began to realize that there is more to my parents’ death than I know. I just don’t understand why I don’t know. I’m their kid! I’m supposed to know these things! I grabbed one of Dad’s old record books and took it down to the kitchen to read through while I ate my breakfast. I was sitting there, flipping through the book, when I came across a page with the date “November 5, 1992.” Um, creepy much! That’s the day I was born! Under the date, a paragraph in man’s writing read, “Today marks a milestone in Judy and my life. Today, we have remained unsuspected for three years. Adding to that, today God has blessed Judy and I with a beautiful baby boy—Addison Scott Hawthorne. I can’t begin to fathom how much God has blessed us with him. He is a bundle of joy to both his mother and me. Closing remarks: One day, people will realize our family doesn’t belong here, and one day, I realize that our past will catch up to us…and I don’t know what will happen to Addison, but I know things will always be ok.—Benjamin Hawthorne”

That entry I had found was completely mind-boggling. My parents’ names aren’t Ben or Judy. My parents’ names are Elaine and John. I flipped over to another page. My mind was reeling. Finally, everything came together. I had found this hastily scribbled note stuffed in the old ledger. I don’t remember what it said, and I don’t have it anymore, but what it said…on that piece of paper completely changed my life. Apparently, these Benjamin and Judy characters are my real parents. They were underground missionaries to who knows where (still haven’t figured that much out yet), but I can tell that wherever we were, the people there didn’t want us to be there. My parents had decided to go out on a three week vacation, and they left me in the care of my aunt and uncle, Elaine and John—the people I thought were my parents. It was John and Elaine who had mysteriously passed away last Christmas. Mom and Dad had been caught some kind of hold-up in the hotel they were staying in. The gunman had shot my parents because they had boldly admitted to believing in God when the rebels had questioned them about their faith. Tears started falling down my face…I guess these guys couldn’t threaten my parents with heaven. Though my heart was torn as I faced the reality of the end of my real parents’ death, I was proud. Proud that they died for something they believed in. They died for Someone worthy.

Since John and Elaine were relatives, I suppose I was allowed to stay with them…I found out later that they grew up with Abigail, which explains how they’re in pictures of when she was growing up. It’s so strange how we’re all connected like that. It’s still anyone’s guess as to what happened to them last December.

Yet for some reason, I don’t feel so melancholy anymore, knowing that they weren’t even my real parents to begin with. It’s interesting how things worked out. If my parents weren’t afraid of dying, then I can’t see why I should be afraid of it either—or just scared about it.
I think Dad is right. Things will always be ok. God is in control.


Um, after rereading this baby...uh, I'm actually not very proud of it. Ironically. It's really choppy, and I'm really bad at pretending I'm a boy. Uh..I repeat myself a lot. And uh..it's so cliche. And guess what? If you do the math for his birth year and the age he gives at the beginning of the story, he's really 16. Whatever. It's not like I'm good at math. Oh well. I have next year to steal the show. ;D

First day of SUMMER.

Yep. So today was not as bad as I thought it was going to be. :)

I woke up at around 9am. Rolled around in bed until I felt sick of being lazy. Around 10ish, I started laundry. I cleaned the kitchen, rearranged my bookshelves, vacuumed my room, and "studied" for the exam. I didn't really study, only because I found my notes about an hour prior to leaving the house. Silly Ruthie.

I took my Life Skills exam today, and it was super easy!!! I like how Bella said it. All you need is, "CCS-Christian common sense." Just like I thought it was going to be, the exam mainly covered stuff that I've been learning since elementary Sunday school. Yeah, I'm definitely a church kid. :) Gotta love it.

After the exam, I hung out with Luke for like...10 seconds. (Ok, not really. More like 10 minutes) Then Jeremy, Kayla, Luke and I all decide to walk to the Filipiaks' house (Kayla's old crib). We don't even get out of the parking lot when Mr Abels says he'll give us a ride in the back of his truck. I love trucks. I love riding in the back of trucks. It totally reminds me of when I was little-driving to the beaches down South in the back of Dad's truck. Love it! Anyway, the bed of his truck was all wet...don't know why, but that meant we couldn't sit on it. Kayla sat on...I don't know what it's called. hah. And Jer sat on "Luke's" skateboard. Luke and I sat on the sides...wall thingies...I don't know what they're called either. Ok, I'm a dork. I just tried to google whatever they're called, but I failed. I don't know why I did that. ANYWAY, we drove on the road past Harvest, and I have got to say, that that's one of my favorite roads in all of central Guam. Yes, I did have to be specific, because most of my favorite roads to drive down are down South.

I can't say for sure why I love that road so much. Maybe it's because it reminds me of my childhood, riding down the small roads of Guam. The greenery is so beautiful. The way the sun hits the trees and forms shadows ignites this warmth in me, and a sense of awe overcomes me. The road is narrower than most. It curves and winds with the land. It doesn't cut straight through. The essence of "the village" surges in the ocean of old times. I don't know if that will make sense to anyone but me. Still. I love that road. I cannot wait till I'm finally able to drive down that road myself. I think I will cry. :)

All to say, we went over to the Filipiaks' house. It was so strange walking through the front door knowing that Kayla doesn't live there anymore. It was awkward to think that I had come there so many times in the past. I used to come over a ton to spend the night and hang out with Kayla. Now...I don't go over to do that, 'cause Kayla doesn't live there anymore. Luke showed us his room. It made me want to fall asleep! He painted it almost the same colors as the Lewises' living room colors. His bed is almost as big as mine, and it looked super comfortable. I had this preconception that his bed would be as soft as mine or Asia's, so I jumped on it. And I hurt my face! It was a really firm bed, which I don't have a problem with...it's just I was not expecting it to be like that! I thought it was funny...

Kayla had to leave. Jer, Luke and I just hung out. I'm beginning to realize that the years I grew up like an only child have paid off! I no longer am able to be bored! I think I've come up with so many ways to entertain myself that I can be without the internet or TV for awhile without being bored out of my mind! I love it! Anyway, fast forward to Awards Chapel.

In short phrases:
-Kayla AND Jer won Bible Character award. I was so SO proud of them. <3
-Asia, Ryan, Josh, Mariah, and Bella won Bible Character award too.
-Luke got some really rad yearbook award.
-And I...well, want a list?? hah!
Bible Character
A/B Honor Roll
YOUNG AUTHORS COMPETITION!!!!
Dramatic Servanthood
Student Life Council
2nd place for ACB
1st place for Dramatic Interp in NFL

The only award I wanted was A/B Honor Roll, because if I didn't get it, I basically wouldn't have a life this summer...
The only one I wasn't expecting was the award for having the winning story for 10th grade for YAC. I wrote a story about this 15 year old boy who lost his parents. I'll post it in another blog.

:D :D :D :D
I was so proud to be my parents' daughter. :)
I can now add to my collection 3 trophies, a ribbon, and a pin.
Bahahaha! We ate at Tony Roma's to celebrate. We hardly ever eat there...but we were celebrating, and I ordered this spinach chicken thing with broccoli and rice pilaf. Delicious!!! GRADUATION is tomorrow. And so is Relay for Life. Score. :

Relay for Life.

Friday night to Saturday morning is Relay for Life.
Our family is planning to go.

Relay for Life is like this marathon thing. It's at the GW track, and tons of people come. Companies and families reserve spots by the track. There's usually a stage with entertainment happening on it. There are booths all over the place. Some sell food. It lasts from 7pm on Friday to 7am on Saturday. But why do they do all of this?

Like I said, it's kinda like a marathon thing. People run (or walk) around the track for 12 hours (sometimes less) to raise money for cancer...Fail. Let me just tell you what the website says. (Note the improper citations...hah)

According to the Relay for Life's website,
"Relay For Life is the American Cancer Society’s signature activity. It offers everyone in a community an opportunity to participate in the fight against cancer. Teams of people camp out at a local high school, park, or fairground and take turns walking or running around a track or path. Each team is asked to have a representative on the track at all times during the event. Relays are an overnight event, up to 24 hours in length.

Teams of people from all walks of life have fun while raising much-needed funds to fight cancer and raise awareness of cancer prevention and treatment."

What's it for?
"Relay For Life is a life-changing event that brings together more than 3.5 million people to:

• Celebrate the lives of those who have battled cancer. The strength of survivors inspires others to continue to fight.
• Remember loved ones lost to the disease. At Relay, people who have walked alongside people battling cancer can grieve and find healing.
• Fight Back. We Relay because we have been touched by cancer and desperately want to put an end to the disease."

Why do people do it?

"Relay For Life is more than just a fundraiser. It’s a life-changing experience. At Relay, every person in the community has a chance to celebrate, remember, and fight back. And every person who participates joins others around the globe as part of this worldwide movement to end cancer.

Everyone's reason to Relay is as unique as their own personal story. At Relay, you can find healing, comfort, and support from others who have faced cancer or who have lost a loved one to the disease. You have a chance to meet people in the community who are equally as passionate about finding an end to cancer in our lifetime. You can thank all the people who have done so much to support you through your personal cancer experience. And you can gather together with friends, family, and colleagues to laugh, cry, and create lasting memories.

No matter why you take part in Relay, however, one thing is clear: with every step you take, you are helping the American Cancer Society save lives. With your help, we aren’t just fighting one type of cancer – we’re fighting for every birthday threatened by every cancer in every community. Each person who shares the Relay experience can take pride in knowing that they are working to create a world where this disease will no longer threaten the lives of our loved ones or claim another year of anyone’s life. "

I do have to say that it is a neat experience. Two years ago, when I went for the first time, they had this candle lighting area in the center of the track. People who come bring pictures of their loved ones who have been affected by cancer, and they put the pics on these white paper bags that are there. Sometime before it gets too late in the night, there's this whole ceremony where everyone who has a bag in the lighting area gets a lit candle and they put it inside the bag. Usually they do this for those who have died because of cancer. I know it sounds weird, but really, it's heartwarming. I remember crying a lot.

I relay, not just because it's a good time of fellowship and food and memories, but because it's something bigger than me. I have had so many loved ones affected by cancer, and it does hurt. Things like this help others see hope. I know that this isn't some Christian organization where they'll be telling people that Jesus is the Healer, but I know that I'll be there to tell 'em. Our family is gonna be there. Both my grandmas had cancer, and my mom's mom passed away in 2005 because of it. Asia's family is gonna be there. Her auntie passed away from cancer two summers ago. I don't know how to end this...

Christmas.

12/25/08
"Dearest Jesus,
Today we celebrate that day 2000 years ago that You stepped down from Heaven to be born as a lowly baby. So delicate, so needful. All of Your glory held in a gentle baby's body. No, You didn't just come to earth as a grown man. You were born and grew up just like us. You were put in Mary's womb supernaturally! Yet you still grew a heart, eyes, and fingernails the same way You had designed us to be formed. You put Your own feet on the same earth that You in all Your glory created.

That amazes me every single time I think about it. Why did You do that? Why did You leave Your place in perfection and holiness with the Father to stoop down to earth with such as me? Why? Why did You do that...to be born to die? What kind of God does that?

A God that loves, that's what. "For God so loved the world that He sent His only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish but have everlasting life."-John 3:16. Thank You, Jesus, for loving such a sinful world so much that You would come down to earth to be born to die..to SAVE us. Thank You, Jesus, for such a gift. Thank You, Jesus, for being born...because of You, there is no greater joy.

This Christmas, I give You the only gift I know to give. Jesus, You can have my heart, my life, and soul. Everything I have is Yours. May You be glorified in everything I do.

Love,
Me.

Today darkness fell in the dawn of Love's light. Today was the day Jesus was born so that we could be saved from hell and eternal death. Today we celebrate the birth of Jesus--love with skin on. He was born because He loves us. He not only said "I love you." He lived "I love you." Happy birthday, Jesus. You're the best. (and that's an understatement)"

I love Christmas. I was really thankful that this past Christmas (2008) totally made up for the really BAD Christmas our family had in 2007. God is good.

December notes.

Wow. I was rereading some of the stuff I wrote December 2008, and if I decided to write out all that I feel right now, I would have written the same thing twice.

12/6/08
"I hear we'll get our fair share of this in college. Who's to know?

Anyway...right now, God has been showing me a lot of things in my life that He needs to work on. I do believe it's growing time again. My heart feels like it has drifted from the shores of my Savior's own heart. There's this feeling of emptiness in me that doesn't seem to go away, and the saddest part is, I know how to fill it up, yet I keep trying to use other things to fill up that empty space--my God shaped hole.

God has been really rebuking me lately about my expectations. I set up such high expectations for people and myself, so when they or I don't fulfill them, I get really disappointed and my heart feels heavy. The crazy thing is, it's not even their fault. They don't even know that they've "hurt" me. It's just me...hurting...me. Silly, innit? Yet I know a lot of people do this. I think that's kind of the main reason I've been feeling discouraged.

God has also been showing me that I've put His love aside, and I'm settling for less than the best. I've put a higher place for people's love, affection, and approval before His. I've made "good things" idols and have set them on a high place. It hurts insanely, even just admitting it. It's like...if so-and-so doesn't talk to me, laugh at my jokes, spend time with me, or is nice to me, they don't love me. Therefore, I should go find someplace dark and cry and pout about it. Then I realize that it's all about me again...

And it hurts my heart so badly. I've been feeling so down and out lately. Ironic a bit, don't you think? Happy, perky Ruthie...discouraged? It's possible. Happy doesn't equal joyful. Joy isn't based on circumstances. I let my feelings govern what God's truth says.

"O give thanks unto the Lord; for He is good: because His mercy endureth forever....I called upon the Lord in distress : the Lord answered me, and set me in a large place. The Lord is on my side; I will not fear: what can man do unto me?....It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man....The Lord is my strength and song, and is become my salvation....I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord. This is the day that the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it....Thou art my God, and I will praise thee; thou art my God, I will exalt Thee. O give thanks unto the Lord; for He is good: for His mercy endureth forever."


I don't want to fail...God is good, all the time, even when I am not."

Good stuff. I really needed to hear this. Ironic that it's something that I wrote like...6 months ago.

Because I feel like remembering.

These are my two favorite pieces of work by...less known people? That's not the right word

Dream in Color by Adi Rudik [<--I have no clue who that is, btw]
She dreams in color
Of fields of splendor
Of old and new
Of memories past and future longings
She says she dreams in color, of me

I dream in one shade
Flickers of images
Snaps of life
Glimpses of reality and nothing

She dreams in color
A clear picture in her mind
A life outside of life
A real within the unreal
She dreams in color, of me

I envy her dream and vision
Her mind's fine eye
I dream in one color
The color of her eyes.

[This is a poem. Asia and I LOVE this poem.]

Days Like This by Asia Oshiro
somedays i just feel like skipping
skipping down those cobblestone path where the sunflowers grow long the sides of it
somedays i just feel like humming
humming a little tune that i just made up in my head just now

and somedays i feel like flying ten feet off the ground
and reality is the only thing holding me down
now i know we should praise god for the trials that we face
but it think we should thank god for days like this

somedays i just feel like taking
taking your hand so you and i can take this walk together
somedays i can't help but smile
the thought of you here with me strikes mines of joy and jubilee

and i know we won't always feel like laughing
and i know that we live in this world and sadness will take its toll
but i know that God will carry us through the trials and sometimes he gives us days like this

[So. She wrote this about her two best friends. Guess which one's you, Luke! gross.]

Excerpts from my journal. September.

9/3/08
"Joy isn't based on circumstances. It's based on Jesus and who He is and how much He loves me. In knowing that He and His love are unshakeable, joy in Jesus is unshakeable."

9/4/08
"I personally think I'm only a morning person because I do my devos at night. I can't focus when I read in the morning, which is kind of ironic. Lord, may I be so hungry for Your Word that I can't make up my mind when to read it because no time is ever enough! Lord, I want to know You, and now, I see how much faith it's going to take and how much the growing pains are going to hurt, but, Lord, I still ask that You show me Your glory and that I see who You truly are in all Your holiness. You are my helper, and I shall not fear what man will do unto me. Thank You, Jesus!"

9/5/08
"If only one could know the things that go on in silence, I think we would speak a lot less. We would learn to communicate nonverbally and that kind of communication speaks much louder than words ever could.
Sometimes you just gotta cry it all out. Let the hurt out and give it up to Jesus. Pray, love, pray. There are so many people hurting. I wish that it could all go away, but that's not the case. It never will be the case, not until Jesus comes back. But God is faithful. He will use that brokenness for His glory, and He will heal those hurts. He will make you, grow you more like His Son."

9/6/08
"This past Spirit Week, God has been showing me that everything He's done this week is all Him. It's God. He's so powerful. He's like a fire, melting hearts of stone. There were so many prayers answered during the course of the week relating to salvation. Many of the people that were specifically named in prayers, God spoke specifically to. It was amazing. It wasn't what anyone said or did. It wasn't Jeremy Frazor's cool stories or messages. It was God. It was the Gospel-that radical life changing reality, not just a story."

9/9/08
"I was reading Life on the Edge this weekend. It said something that made me laugh. A man will marry the woman that can ask questions he can answer brilliantly."

9/11/08
LUKE, IF YOU'RE READING THIS, I'M PUTTING THIS IN HERE FOR YOU!!! IT'S MONUMENTAL!
"Yesterday I talked to Luke at drama, and we were just talking about dumb stuff at first. But then the conversation turned to deeper things, which actually surprised me, truly. He was like, 'I miss a certain someone...' [I'm not putting up the rest of the convo, but I do have it, in case you want to read it sometime!] Then he said more things, but I kind of don't really remember exactly what he said....It really did make me happy, just as long as people rest in Jesus and continue to understand that growing UP in Jesus is more important than 'growing together.'" Luke, the things I do for you! Oh and this was the same day that you called me a prayer warrior!

9/14/08
This one's completely random, but I wrote in Sunday school.
"Lord, thank You that I am totally not one of those girls that are drop-dead gorgeous. I don't know why, but I think it makes life easier." I love being me! I make myself laugh. "I would so want to become famous one day, but I want to be famous posthumously, for fame comes with too high a price to be alive for....Pastor is wearing a Quicksilver shirt. I think that's cool."

9/15/08
"KJV is my favorite version of the Bible. It flows. The words are so poetic, and the wording is so beautiful. Maybe that's the romantic, overdramatic self in me, but it's classic." --
"Mariah: Tell me why...
Class: Ain't nothing but a heartache.
Mariah: Tell me why...
Philip: Ain't nothing but a fruitcake." Is that Backstreet Boys? Or N'sync? Gross, either way.

9/15/08
"Last night, there was a full moon in the sky, so I decided to open my curtains because the moon would shine right on my pillow. I fell asleep watching the moon. It was mystical." I miss doing this! That silly cactus blocks my window, so I can't watch the moon anymore. On the bright side, I sleep in better because it blocks the sun in the morning!

Random good writing/reading quotes:
-I take my notebook everywhere, in case of spontaneous inspiration.
-If I stare at you, it's not because you look good; it's because you just helped me figure out how to off my villain.
-Scribbling my poetry, as if art could save a wretch like me.
-"I write for the same reason I breathe, because if I didn't, I would die." Isaac Asimon
-Every time I read something you write, I fall in love with you, letter by letter.
-"Feel," said my muse, "Look in thy heart and write."
-"I write to find out what I'm thinking. I write to find out who I am. I write to understand things." Julia Alvarez
-A room without 3 full bookshelves is not fully furnished. [I have 4.]
-Wicked people never have time to read. It is the reason for their wickedness. (not really, but it's funny)

9/21/08
This was the Sunday that Pastor preached about having childlike humility. I remember crying. And I remember crying even harder when Auntie Marie...and others sand I Surrender All in the evening service. I think I cried in the evening service too.

9/22/08
"I think Mr Kannon is a romantic. I noticed that, but not in a...weird...way. Most people that prefer the KJV are romantics. Not necessarily mushy-gushy romantic. (I think the right word would be "sentimental," that kind of romantic), but the same kind of romantic that the Bendo's backyard is. Let me explain. The rain had just come down, so there was this cold breeze, and raindrops were everywhere. the water glistened under the moonlight. There were some tiki torches lit in places around the yard. Greenery was everywhere. They had this little nook that was like a room, but it had no roof. There were white wrought iron chairs with a table between them against the wall. I believe there was a cute little plant on the table, and in the corner was a toilet (which you would think would ruin the aesthetic value of the space) and they planted plants in it. It was so cute!"

9/25/08
"I need to write this down while I still remember. I was talking to Jeremy and Jon after school, and we were sadly discussing the lack of rain on this present day. Suddenly, it began to pour down torrentially!! Oh my. First, it was just drizzling, so Jeremy and I ran into the parking lot and starting freaking out 'cause we both thought it wasn't going to rain. Then! It started raining really hard!!! But then Jeremy had to leave, and Jon and I were so amazed that it was raining. I almost started crying. It was beautiful. I know it doesn't sound like a big deal in retrospect, but while it was happening, it was heartwarming."

I love to remember!

Monday

I'm typing this up on Tuesday morning, but whatever..

Yesterday, my exams were...ok. I was able to finish the math exam before the testing period was over, which definitely was a blessing!! I didn't study for the English exam, which totally sounds bad, but it was cake. Honestly, I was so surprised how easy it was. There was one essay question, but it was about haste and tragedy in Romeo and Juliet, and...well, it was really easy.

I went over to Kayla's house afterwards. It was really nice. I'm so gonna miss Kayla when they have to go at the end of this summer. Why is everyone moving around? It's like no one can keep still. I realize that it's not my friends' choices that make them move around, but I don't know...I like staying right where I am. SO, we just lay on her bed for the longest time just being lazy. I love spending time with Kayla. We don't really do anything. We mostly just relax and catch up, but I love it!

We were reading through some of her old journals. When we came across her journal from last summer, she and I couldn't stop sniffing it!! Last summer, she took some cologne (I don't remember if it was her grandpa's or Lewis') and drenched an index card with Curve. She and I both agree that every boy should smell like that. hah! Ok, no, I don't think every boy should smell like that, because then I would get sick. I don't know, maybe Kayla wouldn't. :) I love Kayla. She makes me smile! She was joking that she would spray my current journal with that stuff, but she couldn't find her bottle of cologne. That makes me laugh! No, she doesn't have her own...nevermind.

ANYWAY, Kaz's graduation is tonight. I think I'm excited. I know I'll cry. I can't believe Kaz is old enough to graduate from kindergarten. I STILL remember the first time I held him when he was born. Precious. I guess that's all. Nothing else too exciting happened. Oh, the camp team gets in today, I hear. Crazy.

I still can't believe it's almost summer.

Break...

Sunday's morning service was...well, I learned a lot.
Pastor preached about Jesus saying "I am the door."
-Jesus Christ, as the door, provides our salvation. (John 10:5,9)
-Jesus Christ, as the door, provides our security. (John 10:8-10)

Christians in fear put their confidence and trust in things that can be taken away.

Pastor made a flow chart showing the differences between secure and insecure people. I am a word person, so I put the chart to paragraph form. Hopefully, it makes sense anyway.

Insecure people find approval from others through friends, position and wealth. All of this leads to guilt and soon to depression, which ultimately results in a negative self-view. They are discouraged and erratic, cannot trust others, and often have thoughts of suicide. This is where we find so many Christians...unfortunately.

Secure people put their confidence in the person of Jesus Christ. Now they live secure in only Him; there is no need for looking for love and acceptance in people. Rather, friends are developed because of the overflow of love from their relationships with God. This security shows up in joy and peace and ends in a right view of self, because they realize God doesn't expect them to be perfect, just to be obedient.

There are two fears you can have:
Fear of Man, which brings instability. OR
Fear of God, which brings peace.
"I don't need to be accepted by people. I just need God's forgiveness."

good stuff. I love learning new things like this.

Something is going on. I don't know what it is, but I know something is going on. Things that never happen to me are happening, and it all just seems so iffy.

1. I've been waking up in the middle of the night for no apparent reason, and then once I'm awake, I'm not able to go back to sleep for awhile. Take right now, for example. It's 5 minutes after 3 in the morning. I don't know why I'm awake, but I do know that I can't go to sleep.
2. I've been unusually tired lately. I mean, I'll just be lying on my bed thinking, really thinking, and praying, and then I'll fall asleep and end up taking one of my notorious three hour naps. (I was going to type notoriously famous, but then I realized that that's redundant. I needed to say that, because this is my mini English lesson in my blog. hah!) I'll be deep in thought one minute, and then, out of the blue, I'll be dreaming 'cause I fell asleep! I don't even realize that I fell asleep most times.
3. I've been surprisingly disoriented. Honestly, I barely even know what day it really is. No joke. I thought Friday was Monday, and I thought Saturday was a school day. I even got ready for school! I was so mad when I realized that it was Saturday! And today, I think, is Sunday. I know that much...I just checked my calendar. But for the most part, I hardly know what's going on!
4. I've been really spacey, like people will be talking to me, and I'll be looking at them and listening like I'm supposed to, but soon, I find myself just staring at them because I forget that they're talking to me. Or I'll be standing around and someone will be trying to get my attention by calling my name, but I won't respond, not because I'm trying to be a jerk. It just doesn't click that they're calling my name. I don't know. I'll be talking with someone and then totally blank out on what we were talking about, like mid-sentence. It's so weird.
5. I've been having peculiar dreams. I don't remember them specifically, but I'll wake up wanting to cry, but I don't know if I want to cry because my dreams are sad...or not. I just don't know.
6. I've just been generally a lot quieter, not like I'm being anti-social or that I don't say anything at all. It's just...I like to listen to people more, y'know? I don't know how to explain it, but the more I evaluate what's going on in my life, I realize the need to let other people talk. I'm the kind of person that HAS to tell someone exactly what I'm going through, what God's doing in my life, etc...and if I'm that kind of person and I still keep a lot inside, I can only wonder what people who don't like to talk about everything like I do are thinking and feeling. Ya digg?

It's weird and unexplainable, not bad, because I'm not complaining, but the feeling that it's growing time again is coming over me in torrents. I am getting that weird "I can feel it in my bones" thing again where I know that something is going to happen, and I'm either going to be really really excited and happy about it through the whole process or I'm going to cry SO MUCH through it but then learn a lot at the end of whatever's going to happen. Mark my words. Within the next week, I'm going to blog again but the event that I'm predicting. :) Jesus, bring on the rain.

Friday afternoon thoughts.

In my devos lately, I've been reading through 1 Timothy in my MacArthur Study Bible. Now, normally I don't like to use any other Bible other than my old, blue one, but...this is different. Anyway, I'm reading through the book a little section at a time, because I know if I read chapters it would get too overwhelming. Last night I finished up reading chapter 3, but for some reason, this verse caught my eye.

"Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity. 1 Timothy 4:12

I don't know how my brain made this connection, but it did! And it was really good. I was actually surprised to have come up with such a thought! Ok, on my 15th birthday, Mom and Dad bought me a promise ring. Since I was in middle school, I've always wanted one, but I just never really got around to actually getting one. Ok, for those of you don't know, promise rings are also called purity rings, but for me, I choose to call mine a promise ring. Why? Well, I'll tell you why.

Paul wrote this book to Timothy, obviously. (Note the name of the book) Timothy, it says, is still under 40 at this point, and in Greek culture, that's still "young." Ok, so we have that part down.

Timothy was young. So am I.

Paul told Timothy to "be an example of the believers" for his church. Ok, Timothy is supposed to be like a pastor or something. I am not a pastor of anything. :) I can still apply what Paul has to say to Timothy, however. Ever since I was a little girl, I've always looked up to the older girls in my church. I used to take note of everything they did-the way the dressed, the way they talked, who they hung out with, things like that. I looked up to them. They were never aware of that, but I did, nonetheless. Anyway, as I got older, I just felt very burdened to be a good example for the girls in our church, younger and maybe even older at times.

Timothy was to be an example among the believers. So should I.

"In word" Word. Speech.
"In conversation" Lifestyle. In the way I live.
"In charity" Love. Or as MacArthur so eloquently put it "self-sacrificial service for others.
"In faith" Commitment.
"In purity" Mind, Body, and Heart.

("In spirit" isn't included in the description thingies, and I don't really know what it means anyway)

Back to what I was talking about earlier about my promise ring. I had a ring, and I had a promise....I just didn't know what it was exactly. I know that sounds totally ridiculous, but it's true. I mean, I knew what my intentions were by having a promise ring, but I didn't really think through what I was promising or who I was promising to. You know?

I was lying in my bed about 4 hours ago, just thinking. I was thinking about the verse in 1 Timothy, and when I think or get really nervous (but I wasn't nervous then), I start to play with my ring...and that's when it clicked!!!

I don't just promise to remain pure for my future husband.
I promise to God, my parents, my future husband, my future kids, and myself that...
I would watch what I say-that I would have the discernment to know what to say and when to say it; that my words would build people up, not tear them down; that God's Word, His works, and His praise would be constantly flow from me; that I wouldn't lie or manipulate with my words or tempt others to do wrong; and that I would show others who God truly is through my words, written or spoken. My life should be a genuine representation of what God's doing in my heart. I wouldn't try to be someone I'm not. I'm not perfect, and I will make mistakes, but I won't deny God working. I promise, by God's grace, to live a life above this world's standard and according to the truth in God's Word. I promise to love like Jesus loves. Granted, I'm not ever going to perfect that, but if I am filled with His love, the overflow of His love for me would enable me to love others like He does. I promise to live a life of service like Jesus did. I'm not on this earth, I don't have this life to be served but to serve. I serve others because God has done so much for me, the least I could do is live my life for Him and His work. I promise to be faithful-in my relationship with God, in my relationships with others, and in my "relationship" with my future husband (Lord willing...hah!). By God's grace, I promise to stay deeply rooted in God's word and to make my relationship with Him the most important thing in my life. I promise to remain loyal to the Truth that I believe in, even if that means being persecuted for it. I promise to cherish and develop my relationships with others and to make sure Christ is the center of my relationships (friendships, etc). I promise to stay committed to keeping myself pure-in heart, body, and mind. I think this goes without explanation, but in every way, I promise to honor God's sanctity of marriage and to obey His Word on what it has to say about staying pure. I promise to walk down the aisle on my wedding day and truly symbolize what the white dress I'd be wearing means.

It's more than just being pure. It's a whole lifestyle focused and centered on God, His Word, and His will. My prayer is that God would continually give me grace and the strength to keep these promises, not on my own, but through Him. I pray that His light would shine bright in this little life that I have.

That is most of what I've been thinking, but some, I just don't know how to put into words. Still, this post seems kind of...weird and irrelevant and choppy. It's not my best piece of work, but hey, it's not about me anyway.

Summer List

I made one last for last summer, so I thought I should make another one for this summer. I might repeat things on my list from last summer, because I might not have ever done it last summer. Ya digg?

1. Go camping with a bunch of friends.
2. Have a Sophomore party at the beach.
3. Ride on a boat and go dolphin watching.
4. Crash a fiesta.
5. Take a trip around the island.
6. Go airsofting with the guys, at least once. (and not cry!!!)
7. Have a chick flick marathon at either Mariah's house or Asia's. :D
-Win a Date with Tad Hamilton (for tradition's sake)
-Pride and Prejudice (for me)
-Becoming Jane (for Mariah)
-Sense and Sensibility (just 'cause)
-Cinderella Story (for Asia)
-Nacho Libre (I know this isn't a chick flick, but it's hilarious!!!)
8. Walk around Tumon with the camp team, like we did THE summer.
9. Chill at Chamorro Village on a Wednesday night.
10. Challenge Heather and Joey to a chili pepper eating contest...again. (And beat my record of three...D:)
11. Make some insanely wonderful friends!
12. Get to know the one's I've got even better!
13. Sing a special in church with Mariah. (For the Beauty of the Earth, I think. or Knowing You)
14. Cocos Island!! hah!
15. Go snorkeling.
16. Try to get my divers thingy!!!
17. Yard sale!
18. Read 1387423847398473 pages of stuff. (Books? :D)
19. Watch the new HP movie in the cinema with Mariah.
20. Go to one of Asia's swim meets.
21. Join a basketball team.
22. Finish memorizing James!!!
23. Get plugged in a Bible study.
24. BUY ROLLERSKATES.
25. And wear them everywhere. :D!!!
26. CAR WASHES after Cool School, like Luke and I did THE summer.
27. Learn how to knit! I want a sweater!!
28. Lose my Harvest tan! ;) Ya digg? I miss having tan feet and tan arms...This sounds totally silly 'cause I'm brown, but still..
29. Have a sleepover with Kayla!!
30. BBQ at someone's house.
31. Climb as high as Jeremy in the mango tree that we used to climb.
32. Ask if I can plant flowers on campus this summer! THAT'D BE SWEET!
33. Start and finish the Left Behind series.
34. Write snail-mail letters! To people anywhere, here or not! I choose to support the postal service now!
35. Make a video...doing something cool.

Stream of Consciousness

This is going to be my first attempt at getting everything on my mind into words, so forgive me if it doesn't flow.

I'm sitting in my room.
I have been all day. Well, I've ben alternating lying on my bed (I checked, it should be "lying," not "laying." Random shout-out to whoever fixed up the dictionary on Macs) and sitting on it.
I didn't go to school today. I'm not sick or tired.
Just overwhelmed, but not in a bad way.
'Tis possible to be positively overwhelmed, which is what I am.
I'm planning on going to the volleyball game tonight.
I wasn't going to...but then Josh called me up and asked if I wanted to go. So I said yes.

It's been a quiet day.
I've been doing a lot of thinking.
I don't really know what to say. I was gonna say a lot, but then I got lazy all of a sudden.
Whatever.

I'm so ready for summer. School is getting old.

Just a thought running through my head...

This is another thing Kayla and I were talking about this morning.
What makes a person beautiful?
I told her that I see all these celebrities that the world deems beautiful...
But I don't see it. They're "good looks" seem so unreal, so fake...

There are people all around me that I see everyday,
And some of those people are the most beautiful people I've ever met.
I don't know how to describe it or how they are beautiful.
There's just this aura about them that radiates beauty.
What makes a person beautiful?

Is the color of their eyes? The style of their hair?
The clothes they wear? The words they say?
I have no idea.
Is it what's inside? Like their personality?
I don't even know what I think...
Is it how real someone is?
Oh well...what do you think?

I am so spoiled.

I was thinking about this last night.
I am so spoiled, in almost every way.

Come on. I'm my parents' only child to support. I'm Daddy's little girl. I'm his only one. My sister already has a job and does her own thing. I've grown up most of my life like I were an only child. I got pretty much everything I ever wanted. I get to do basically whatever I want. I can only remember one instance where Dad said no--I couldn't go over to the Filipiak's for a movie party the Saturday before my birthday. Dad doesn't even remember. Seriously. I am super spoiled. Come to think of it, I'm actually more surprised that I'm not a complete BRAT and that I actually have friends and people that like me! It's not like Mom and Dad purposely did this...it's kind of inevitable with the way I've grown up, you know?

Another thing, I go to probably the best Christian school/church in the nation. I cannot think of any spiritual ways Harvest could improve. The only thing where we can "grow" is probably just with our facilities. I have an amazing Pastor. He is super laid-back and loves Jesus more than anything. There are so many people at our church who are really on fire for God, and they live it out. I am so spoiled. My school...where to begin? I've been going there since I was two and a half, which makes this school year my 13th year at Harvest, just in the school! I've had the privilege of going to a school where the teachers truly care and want the best for us. A school that has its heart in the right place with the right priorities.

I have genuine Christian friends. Did you catch that? Friends. Meaning more than one. Meaning plural. Meaning not just me. I am blessed with so many peers that desire to do right and to live for God...genuinely. They encourage me to make right choices and not give into the world's pressure. Iron truly sharpens iron. Both my parents and my sister were all saved before I was born. They've been going to Harvest before I was born too...so I grew up in a strong, Christian home.

I don't even remember where I was going with this, but Luke and I were talking some nights ago...and Kayla and I were talking about this on Wednesday afternoon...and I've just been thinking about this a lot. I have so much to be thankful for. It scares me little bit...you know, knowing that eventually I'll have to leave my spoiled, comfortable life and go out into the "real world."
But I know that whatever happens, if I keep my heart in God's hands and my mind in His Word, then I know He'll take me where I need to be and take care of me. You know? I love that. I don't need to be afraid. Just thankful. And tender.

I am my mother's daughter-A tribute to my mom.

Rarely am I told that I look like my mom. People say I look like my dad. I don't know what to think. There is something that I get told quite a bit, however, and it is that I am just like my mom. In the big things. In the little things. It's kinda nice.

Mom and I both like a lot of the same things, do a lot of the same things, and think a lot of the same things. My mom and I looooove bright colors and decorating the house and other various things pretty. She and I are very adamant about keeping the house clean with extremely high standards. We both LOVE, absolutely LOVE, writing. She has 21 years worth of journals. We both write about little things that we see God in. We like to talk a lot. And pray. I love to pray with my mom...

And that's why I say. If there's anyone I would like to be like (other than Jesus), it would be my mother. She has seen God work in her life through and through. She's been a witness to some amazing things happen, and most of them are things she has prayed for. My mom is a prayer WARRIOR, like I'm not even kidding you. My mom is probably the hardest working person I know, and she does her job effectively and efficiently, but the thing that I love best about my mom, is that she loves Jesus with her whole heart, soul, and mind--with every ounce of her being. She knows she can't live this life without Him. He is her first resort. God has blessed our family with so much, and she acknowledges that.

I know my mom is human and has flaws, but God has given her grace. I have learned what true joy is from her. There have been tough things in her life, but she always says God is good, and maybe there are those times where she doesn't say it, but I know deep down she knows it. My mom prays about everything. Everything is good from the hands of the Father in her eyes, whether or not we see it as good. :) I don't mind being just like my mother, if that means that God is real to me, just like He's soooooo real to her.

Pride and Prejudice

I'm watching my favorite move right now.
Pride and Prejudice. The new, shorter one.
Mr. Darcy is so handsome. :)
I love this movie!!!
And the book. The book's probably my favorite.
Jane Austen is a genius.

Just a random Friday night thought.

This is an awesome song.

From glass alabaster she poured out
The depths of her soul
Oh, foot of Christ would You wait?
If her harlotry's known?

Falls a tear to darken the dirt
Of humblest offerings to forgive the hurt
She is strong enough to stand in Your love
I can hear her say

I am weak. I am poor.
I'm broken, Lord, but I'm Yours.
Hold me now. Hold me now.

Let he without sin
Cast the first stone if you will
To say that my bride isn't worth half the blood that I've spilled

Point your finder and laugh if you choose to say
My beloved is borrowed and used
She is strong enough to stand in My love
I can hear her say

I am weak. I am poor.
I'm broken, Lord, but I'm Yours.
Hold me now. Hold me now.

SO.

It's official.
I'm getting really sick of high school.
I wish people would just GROW UP.
There are specific people that I am thinking of right now...
and they are making ridiculous choices.
It's sickening. D:
And it makes me heart sad.......

What I once thought was a reality
turned out to be a stained-glass facade.
Underneath it all,
what I did find...
was plain, simple, nothing-out-of-the-ordinary...
hypocrisy. No.
Too much.
Just...I didn't like what I found.
And I was disappointed.

Stream of Consciousness

Ok, I know there are a few people that will laugh really hard when they read what I will type in the near future.
Currently
-I'm listening to My Wish by Rascal Flatts and oh it totally sums up how I feel right now.
-I'm studying for the super huge MONDO crazy WWII test for history tomorrow. Thompson says it's the hardest test of the year...and yet look at me, I'm procrastinating!! Well...I do better with distractions.
-Speaking of distractions, it's RAINING! Really hard. (I want it to thunder so badly!!)

*sigh* Today was an excellent day.
Random conclusions I've come up with:
-God is good.
-Boys are ridiculous.
-Girls are confusing.
-Math is complicated.
-Girls soccer is annoying.
-Guys volleyball is exciting.
-I've realized why I like this kind of music so much. It didn't click until yesterday. When I was growing up, Dad and I would listen to the radio in his truck on the way home from work at night (when I would stay up with him at the aquarium), and the radio would play this kind of music at that time...It's comforting. :)

That's all. I'm too...anti-procrastination all of a sudden. Off to "study."
Oh another random conclusion!!! Or fact...not conclusion.
I've never studied all through elementary and jr high.
I've only had to study this year...and I don't know how!!! That's why I get distracted. D:

Memories.

1. I think I've become very good at Spanish because when I was little and my sister was in high school, she would let me come into her room while she would do school work. My sister is amazing; she really is. My sister...well, she and I definitely have the same blood running through us. We are definitely like our mother. All to say, true to form, she's a little offbeat. She would turn her radio on, take me by the hand, and we would dance to Latin American music. We would also drive around in her car listening to the vivacious sounds of merengues and sambas and other music of the like. Oh it was so fun! Great memories. Even to this day, we will be driving down the road with the windows rolled down, and just like it was when I was growing up, and her playlist would have all this Hispanic music. I don't know how to explain it. My sister is...awesome.

2. Not only has my sister influenced me with music like the kinds mentioned above, but she is just generally drawn to underground music, movies, newspapers, ideas, etc. Oh! My sister makes me smile! She is so into foreign music!! It's so cute! Oh I love her! One night we'll be listening to some amazing a cappella in Spanish, and the next night we'll be listening to some really peppy girly music...in SWEDISH! Oh it's hilarious! Ok, I think I've just turned this into a blog about my sister and how hilarious I think her taste in music is...

3. This list actually serves no purpose. But anyway!! Wow, I just realized something. I don't call my sister by a name. That is the sole reason her name comes off so awkwardly when I say it. I never call her Frances. I never call her Michie like the rest of our family. Come to think of it, I don't know what I call her!!! Never mind.

Oh I love my sister.

4. Tonight. Tonight was healing. Tonight was amazing.
Our family sat around our dinner table. Something we haven't done in the longest time.
Kaz was so excited to have Mom home, so he was just a bundle of giggles.
We were eating mangos, and all of a sudden, he says, "How did God make this?! Why is there a stone in the mango!! There aren't supposed to be stones in food?!?!" Then. Then we burst out laughing for a good five minutes. It wasn't even really that funny...but it was good.
That hasn't happened in far too long.

This is another pointless blog. But...it's mostly word vomit. Bleh that's an icky mental picture, but it sums this up pretty well.