BLUE MOON.

On December 2nd, we observed our first full moon of the month. Most likely, tomorrow night will be a full moon again, and if we use the most popular definition of a "blue moon," tomorrow's full moon will be a blue moon!!! Isn't that cool? Right on New Year's Eve too.

Just a random piece of trivia. :D

To Kill A Mockingbird.

Ok, now it's time for me to go on and on about another favorite book of mine. To Kill a Mockingbird is totally a book worth reading.

Ever since I was Mrs. Keller in The Miracle Worker production, I have this sub-conscious idea that I grew up in the South. Like really. Like I'm not even joking. My character and I really connected, I guess you could say. Well, anyway, I love TKAM because I feel like I am Scout. I feel like I am a rowdy little girl who runs around in overalls and follows her big brother everywhere. I get to see Maycomb from her shoes. It's way cool.

I love the style of the book. It's very personal. I don't know!!! I love the small town feel of the book and just. I don't know. I'm really bad about writing reviews about books. My opinions on books don't really make sense unless you actually hear me talk about it. :D

I'm rereading this book. :) Second time. I just finished Part 1, but if anyone wants to borrow it, PLEASE DO! :D It's really good.

Merry Christmas.

Eeeee!!! I totally didn't have time to update on Christmas. :)

Merry Christmas!!!! :D

My favorite Christmas memory this year: I took a blanket and some pillows and fell asleep in the bed of my uncle's truck when our family went out at like 2am! :)

The dawn of grace.

Home.

I was just listening to a Lady A song called Home is Where the Heart Is. For her, home is "just south of the Mason-Dixon line."

Home. Home is just north of the equator. :)

Actually, home is a lot of places for me. :D It's where the people I love are.

One week.

I've been home for about a week now. :) It's kind of nice. I've been able to do LOTS of cleaning, and I sure feel accomplished! It feels good making mama happy by cleaning the house. :)

I've finally been able to dust all of my books too! So I was really happy about that! I hadn't had time in a long while...it takes like forever dusting the books! I usually take each book individually and wipe 'em down. And then I dust the shelf and then stack the books back up on the shelf nicely. :D I have books lined up like a normal bookshelf and then I have books in stacks on top of a shelf. :) I have too many to line them up normally. :)

Hmm, what's been on my heart? God's been really teaching me a lot in the week that I've been home. It feels weird not having anybody to talk to, so God's been showing me that a lot of times, I still live for people. I think God made me to be a naturally sociable person, but this week has been a reminder that though it's nice to have other people to talk to, I don't live off their acceptance. You know? That's what I've been learning. :D

I'm eating some mint chocolate chip ice cream. YUM YUM YUM!!!! What else was I going to say? Oh yeah, tonight's the Heart for Christ Christmas party. :) Those are fun. My first HFC Christmas party, we had a white elephant gift exchange. I started out with Almond Roca chocolates, but then a senior stole it from me so I ended up with some BBQ sauce from McDonald's. It was pretty weird. And then last Christmas Asia and I spent most of the night running away from someone. And Kayla spent the night avoiding a scary boy. :D That was lots of fun. :D Oh, I miss Kayla so much.

I started working on building the helicopter that I got for my birthday. I got up to step 4 the day I was given that present, and now I'm on step 6. :) I'm kind of stuck on a part because I can't get one of the little bolt type things to screw into a nut. :( It's at a funny angle, so I can't really reach it. :)

I've started reading Where the Red Fern Grows again today. That was the first book that ever made me cry. I remember. I got a free copy from school (they were getting rid of old editions and giving out the old copies to students for free) and I read when I was about 11. I remember I was sitting on the couch in my sister's old office. After I finished it, I lied on the couch for like 20 minutes and cried the whole time. It made me so sad...and yet happy. :) Like a bittersweet feeling. I love that book. It makes me want a coon hound. :D And to save my money and buy two coon hounds and go hunting with them and whatnot. It's a good story.

OED updated.

Ok, like seriously. The Professor and the Madman is genious. There are just some parts that are "too much information." Just thought I'd throw that out there, so you aren't surprised like I was when (more like IF) you ever decide to pick said book up to read it.

Anyway, we watched Avatar in 3D this morning, and it was super cool! Mom liked it...I didn't really understand it but the overall movie was interesting. :) I just liked the 3D thingies. :D

I spent the afternoon curling my cousin's hair. Today has been a really relaxing Saturday. :D

9.

OED updated.

Ok, like seriously. The Professor and the Madman is genious. There are just some parts that are "too much information." Just thought I'd throw that out there, so you aren't surprised like I was when (more like IF) you ever decide to pick said book up to read it.

Anyway, we watched Avatar in 3D this morning, and it was super cool! Mom liked it...I didn't really understand it but the overall movie was interesting. :) I just liked the 3D thingies. :D

I spent the afternoon curling my cousin's hair. Today has been a really relaxing Saturday. :D

9.

The Professor and the Madman.

I've been reading a book about the Oxford English Dictionary. It is seriously way cool. Did you know that the Oxford English Dictionary uses quotations from super old books to trace the development of a word over time. It also uses quotations to show the varying shades of meaning a word has...and this dictionary supposedly has all the words in the English language.

It is an incredible lexicographical feat! Ok, I know you must think me an English freak to think that's amazing, but really, think about it, where would our language be without dictionaries? Ok, ok, ok. I know that in the big scheme of things it really isn't a big deal, but here's one perspective. We often view science as a picture of how great and wise our God truly is. For me, words are another picture of Him. The complexity and ingenuity of language can only be fathomed by an incredibly intelligent God. I think it is so super cool that God enabled us to figure out our language like that. :)

Anyway, I'll see how the book ends. :) It's like one of my favorite's now. :D

Early Christmas Break. :)

I've been sick the past couple of days, so I missed my last three days of the first semester. I'm pretty ok with that. I'm going to see if I can take the 5 exams that I missed next week. :)

I'm standing in our living/dining room. We got a fresh Christmas tree today. We had a fake Christmas tree up, but I don't think that Mom or Dad really like it. The Christmas tree that our family has had since I was 5 was accidentally thrown away two years ago, so we got this new replacement one...and it looks too much like the trees in a department store. Our fresh tree this year is BEAUTIFUL. Mom decorated it with clear lights and bundles of ornaments that are green, red and silver. It's gorgeous.

I bought an ornament today. :D I'm going to start a collection. From this Christmas on, I'm going to buy one ornament that reminds me of something that happened this year, and when I grow up and have my own Christmas tree, I'm going to have memorable ornaments. :) I love that! We have ornaments that I made when I was a little girl, and it is just so precious to see them hanging on the tree. :D

For this year, I bought a hedgehog. :) But only some people will know why. :D It's really cute. :D It was orignially $10, but I thought that was too much to spend on an ornament, and besides, I didn't have that much money on me. But then I saw that the ornaments were 40% off, so it was only $6. Still a little pricey, but I still saved...and I was only buying one. :D

Anyway, that's all for now. :)

Just a challenge. :)

Love.

Once again, I've been thinking about this, but more in a worldly sense and how it contrasts with the Bible's definition of love.

While working on my research paper, I've come across places where biographers have stated that Shelley "falls in love," several times, even. The way the sentences are phrased and how it is used so loosely in the context of his life, I've grown to strongly dislike that phrase. To fall in love sounds like a wretched thing. If it's love I'm after, I don't want to accidentally stumble upon it one day and use it as an excuse for unwise behavior. If it's love I'm after, I really shouldn't be the one looking for it. If it's love I'm after, I want to know Jesus' love first and love people like He did, and then He can bring around more love.

Falling in love sounds like an accident, a feeling that comes and goes. The Bible doesn't talk about love like that. Love is not a feeling or an accident. Love is a decision and a choice. Falling in love actually sounds scary, but in 1 John 4 it says that perfect love casts out fear.

I think the way the world views love is depressing, and it doesn't even sound like the love I want at all. It's like the love the world has to offer whets your heart's appetite with a hunger that can never be satisfied, always longing, never full. I don't ever want to know that kind of gnawing emotion. I want to know full sure that God's love is enough, through and through. and I do know that. In 1 John 4:8, it gives me the reason why this world doesn't know how to love, "He that loveth knoweth God; for God is love.


In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him. Herein is love not that we loved God, but that He loved us, and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.--1 John 4:9-10

The Bible never clearly defines exactly what love is word for word, but it definitely clearly illustrates what love is through Jesus' life. In a way, that in itself is loosely and indirectly a definition.

Love is not made of words, but rather, love is made of the actions behind the words.

My incredibly early Christmas entry.

Dearest Jesus,
Today we celebrate that day 2000 years ago that You stepped down from Heaven to be born as a lowly baby. So delicate, so needful. All of Your glory held in a gentle baby's body. No, You didn't just come to earth as a grown man. You were born and grew up just like us. You were put in Mary's womb supernaturally! Yet you still grew a heart, eyes, and fingernails the same way You had designed us to be formed. You put Your own feet on the same earth that You in all Your glory created.

That amazes me every single time I think about it. Why did You do that? Why did You leave Your place in perfection and holiness with the Father to stoop down to earth with such as I? Why? Why did You do that...to be born to die? What kind of God does that?

A God that loves, that's what. "For God so loved the world that He sent His only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish but have everlasting life."-John 3:16. Thank You, Jesus, for loving such a sinful world so much that You would even bother coming down to earth to be born to die..to SAVE us. Thank You, Jesus, for such a gift. Thank You, Jesus, for being born...because of You, there is no greater joy.

This Christmas, I give You the only gift I know to give. Jesus, You can have my heart, my life, and soul. Everything I have is Yours. May You be glorified in everything I do.

Love,
Me.

Today darkness fell in the dawn of Love's light. Today was the day Jesus was born so that we could be saved from hell and eternal death. Today we celebrate the birth of Jesus--love with skin on. He was born because He loves us. He not only said "I love you." He lived "I love you." Happy birthday, Jesus. You're the best. (and that's an understatement)

I don't have my laptop anymore. That's why I haven't been blogging. :( Sorry, guys. Hope you like this one though. :D

*sigh*

I have not blogged in over a month. I feel so terrible.

But it's alright. :) I miss this so much! I've been really bad at journaling too. Tonight's Watchcare Meetings again. It's at the Babins' house, I think. :D I'm excited. The last time I was at the Babins' was in February. We always play basketball at the Babins' house. Hmm, story time! :D

The last time I was at the Babins', a bunch of guys and I were playing basketball. They had their hoop on their driveway, and on either side of their driveway are two areas of grass. Well, one time the ball somehow went past the hoop and into the area of grass behind the hoop. I sprinted to grab the ball before someone on the other team grabbed it. C.J. ran to go get the ball too. The grass was slippery that night, and I totally slipped and ran straight into his shoulder. It was so painful!!!! :D I fell backwards onto the ground. I didn't even know what happened! My lip was bleeding! And later, when I looked in the mirror, one of my bottom front teeth was crooked!!! :D It was sooooo funny! Anyway, I got up from my fall and just started playing basketball again. SO much fun. :) Great memories. Even to this moment, that bottom tooth is no longer lined up with my other teeth. It's very slight, but I can tell. :D

Right now, I'm folding clothes for my dad. I oughta get back to that. :) Because I still have to iron his uniforms. :) Tim McGraw by Taylor Swift is playing on my Pandora station. :D I like the chorus. :)

Reflections of the past sixteen years.

One sentence can sum up my life:

God has been good to me. 

:) Today was real special. :D I woke up at 545 and got ready for school. Mom and Dad greeted me a happy birthday, and it was so sweet. I got to school and Eliza and Jon had got me balloons and a cool wooden turtle. I had lots of people tell me happy birthday and sing for me today. Nothing too fancy, but just enough. :D I got lots of food too! :D

After Heart for Christ, a bunch of us went out to eat at Vitale's. It made me think of Miss Harrison. :) It was a lot of fun. I just got home and I am super full!! :D Manicotti, pizza and garlic bread. YUM YUM YUM! :D

I know, these reflections are so detailed. :D

Oh yeah, I've picked up my journal and started writing again. :)

Sixteen.

I am sixteen years old today. :D

Love is a Beautiful Thing by Phil Vasaar

I love this song. Weddings are just the best. :D

Looks like everybody's here
Had to put some folding chairs in the vestibule
Yeah, it's getting full
Even old Aunt Ruby came
Her first time on an air plain, it's her sister's girl
She said she wouldn't miss it for the world

And all them kids jumpin' in the pews
Mr. Charlie in his lime green suit is a handsome man
Remarks widow Callahan
Uncle Joe and Uncle Jake
Haven't spoken since '98
Just said Hello
It's a good day to let it go

So let the angels gather, let the music play
Let the preacher get to preachin' all the do you takes
Love is a beautiful thing
Throw the rice in the air let the church bells ring
Tie the cans to the back of that limosine
Love is a beautiful thing

Daddy's waitin' with the bride
As she helps him with his tie she sees a tear
He says man it's hot in here
He hugs his little girl and asks
How did you grow up so fast, God I wish
Your momma could be here for this

Everybody stands and smiles
As she comes walking down the aisle in her momma's gown
And Daddy breaks on down
Gran and Gramps in the second row
Stood right there fifty years ago and said their vows
I guess it's workin' out

So let the angels gather, let the music play
Let the preacher get to preachin' all the do you takes
Love is a beautiful thing
Throw the rice in the air let the church bells ring
Tie the cans to the back of that limosine
Love is a beautiful thing

A little table full of gifts
Catering is coverdish and the wedding band
Well it's on her hand
Tommy's teasing Lorali
Pushed her down and made her cry
And neither one knows a day will come

When the angels gather, and the music plays
The preacher get to preachin' all the do you takes
Love is a beautiful thing
Throw the rice in the air let the church bells ring
Tie the cans to the back of that limosine
Love, two people in Love
It's a beautiful thing

eeee!!

I'm watching the A&E version of Pride and Prejudice. 

All I have to say for now, isn't it funny what love does to people? It's so precious. I love this movie!! 

Anyway, I stayed home from school today because I just wanted to rest. It was a super nice break. :D My skin feels like it's sunburned, but I didn't even step outside my house today...Oh well.

I woke up at 8:30, took a half an hour nap at 10:30, started watching this movie at noon, finished by 4, because I kept pausing it, and then took a nap until 7:30. :D I love to rest. 

one verse.

It is better to trust in the Lord, than to put confidence in man. Psalm 118:8-Dead center of the Bible. 

Disappointment...

Have you ever looked forward to something for so long and then it turns out totally not how you were expecting it to be? Have you ever been really really excited for something and then a series of events just totally ruin the event?

Honestly, I feel like that right now. My heart is hurting so badly. I keep crying and crying and crying, but I know that I'm just being selfish and ungrateful. I just felt like a day that was supposed to be celebrating me turned into a day of...uneasiness and disappointment. I feel sick right now, like there's this aching in my heart...like an emptiness that I want to make go away so badly. I feel so broken and upset...and angry. I don't even remember the last time I felt this strongly about something...

I wish I could go back in time and just live last night all over again, but with a few things changed. I wish I could change things...Maybe then I wouldn't feel as stupid as I feel right now.

Campaign for Real Beauty

I stumbled across this video and I was speechless. This is a huge reason why our perception of beauty is so distorted. 

What makes you feel beautiful? :)

I feel beautiful when I'm with people I love and laughing my heart out and telling them stories about my day. I feel beautiful when I'm all showered and clean and I'm singing on stage for church. I feel beautiful when people listen to me. I feel beautiful when I'm lying on my bed giggling out of sheer happiness. I feel beautiful when I wear my blue pajamas with fish on them that I got at Target for $8 and I played football in. :D I feel beautiful when I tell people I love them.

I was here.

I'm listening to this song by Lady Antebellum. I really like it. :) It's basically about making your life matter. I want to make my life matter. :D

Oh, this past week has been such a joy!! I've had so much fun! :D I'm also really excited for my birthday party on Saturday! :D It's going to be at the Outrigger, like right by the beach! :D Oh, I'm just so excited!! :D I will post pictures and tell you guys how everything goes! I am just praying that the weather is nice on Saturday night, because my party is outside under the open sky, and it will be totally lame if it rains. :( Actually, it won't be totally lame, but I think it would upset the adults or something like that. :D

Mondays. :D

I love Mondays. Really. I do...:) Only if I do my homework on Sunday afternoons or earlier. :) If I do my homework on Sunday night, I dislike Mondays, because I AM SUPER SUPER TIRED!! 

Today wasn't that kind of Monday. Today was a fun Monday! I was so energetic this morning, and it felt so good!! I was talking to Eliza in the cafeteria this morning. It was interesting...

I keep feeling like I'm growing up. I was sitting with some people today, and I was just so surprised at the words that were coming out of their mouth and the way they were acting. In a way, I was disappointed. They were people that I expected to be good examples, but I guess that either says something about their character or my expectations...or both? I don't know.

Watchcare meetings.

I just came back from watchcare meetings. Oh, it was so fun! I love when we break up into small groups like that! :D 

Well, random highlights: I was greeted with some interesting exclamations and questions. :D Hmm, I slipped in the mud. It was kind of funny. I was just walking along real quietly, and then all of a sudden I stepped in something squishy and then I started my descent to the ground. I think I made some kind of humorous noise, but I don't remember quite what I said, then when I finally hit the ground, all I said was "Oh!" Then all the attention was on me, and I was embarrassed. I was trying to look for a place to rinse off, but then people just started laughing. I started laughing too. It was pretty funny. I made a new friend too. :D

PRAISE GOD!!!

Guess what, guys!!! I'm OK! :D 

I went to the doctor today to hear about my blood test results. I was so nervous, because I was afraid that I either had a really rare disease or my vitamin levels were really off. Neither of those were true! Ok, well...just one was true. I'll tell you.

I'm only lacking vitamin D. The doctor said its level is like at 26, and the norm is 30-100. I have to take a vitamin D supplement and get out in the sunshine more. :) I was so happy to find out that I don't have leukemia, diabetes or lupus!! :D Not that the doctor thought I had those things, just saying!

Praise God for good health! I am so, so thankful. Not only that but I found baby hairs yesterday!! And the doctor said my hair is looking thicker than it did when I went to see him last week!! Oh, God has been so good to me!! Thank you, Lord!! :D

Prayer.

Ok, so since this thing has been going on with my hair, I've had many people come up to me and tell me that they're praying for me. Oh, it has been so encouraging! It is so hard to watch my hair go. I've already given it up to God. I told God a long time ago that He can take from me what He wants, sin I've been holding back, my life, everything.

Never did I think that He would take something from me like my hair. 

Honestly.

It's so weird having to give up something to do with my physical appearance.

But I know God has a plan for this.

It's interesting how He takes away something that I was so confident in. If you've read my blog, I've said that I'm so proud of my hair and how straight, strong and wonderful it is...

All to say, God is really showing me how I can depend on Him through this. I'm willing to give up my hair to learn what He is teaching me. I know there is a purpose. I just don't want to miss the lesson. 

My blood test results are in. I'm going to the doctor first thing tomorrow morning. 

I'm resting in the assurance that God has this all in His control. :) God is good, whether I have a full head of hair or not.

My doctor's visit.

So. I went to the doctor this morning. Finally. :)

He asked me what was going on. I told him that since last Sunday, I've been noticing that more hair has been falling out of my head than normal. I didn't really do anything about it, because I didn't think it was a big deal. I started getting a little worried on Monday, and I looked it up online and figured that since it's fall, I'm losing more hair (it said that people lose more hair in the fall). I also started trying to eat better this past week, just in case it was a nutritional thing. I know that the results aren't instantaneous, but my condition started getting worse. I switched my shampoo yesterday, and it helped a little, but going to the doctor would help my peace of mind.

Then he asked me if the hair in my eyebrows was falling out too, nope; if my skin has been unusually dry, nope. Then he checked my heart and my liver, and then decided that I should change my shampoo and eat a more balanced diet. 

I'm going to have blood drawn tomorrow at around 630, and I am quite nervous. I don't like blood or needles, but I must go through this. :) I'll be ok. They are going to check for vitamin deficiencies and see if I have a rare disease or something, like lupus. I don't think that it could be anything serious, but I still ask for prayers...especially about the procedure, because that makes me nervous...:D 

Thank you guys for your prayers!! I truly appreciate it! :)

I wrote this on Sunday. :) It's kind of late. 

I'm scared.

I've been losing hair. I've been losing a lot of hair, actually.

And it scares me. I can actually see my hair thinning out and it seriously freaks me out. 

Tons will fall out in the shower.

I am really scared.

I'm going to the doctor on Sunday...which is really soon, but still...it feels like so far away.

I think it's my shampoo.

I didn't realize how traumatizing it is to pull out lots of strands of hair at once.

This totally allows me to empathize with people that lose their hair. 

It's...discouraging.

Please pray for me. I just want my hair back...

I am getting this feeling that God is using this to have me trust in Him and not to worry about all the many things that I could worry about. I am willing to go through this and learn from it. I just want to have the faith it takes to come out strong.

I claim this verse.

Luke 12:7

"But even the very hairs on your head are numbered. Fear not therefore. Ye are of more value than many sparrows"

*sigh* :D

Today was a really super awesome day. I love Sundays. I love the smell of Sunday mornings. Clean hair, minty gum, and COFFEE!! Those are the smells of church at Harvest. 

Anyway, Sunday school was awesome! Bob Roberts is here doing the children's programs for Summit Meetings this week. He preached for Sunday school, and it was really neat. It made me look at the Gospel message in a new way, and it challenged me to be totally accurate when telling children, specifically, about salvation. It's pretty tricky yet real simple. :) I liked it.

Then Dr. Vaughn preached the message this morning. Oh buddy! It was super good! He's preaching about brokenness, and he told us about what happened to his family like so many years ago, and it so amazing to see God work!! Pastor Herron preached a message like two weeks ago, I think, and he said that: What man creates and breaks, becomes worthless, but what God creates and breaks, becomes useable. Something like that. 

Oh yeah, a bunch of us are in the skits for the children's program. It's stuff about knights and King Arthur. Jon is King Arthur. I'm Princess Gwenivere. C.J. is Sir Sagramore/the Dark Knight. Luke is Sir Benivere (something like that). Uhhh, Kyle is Merlin. I don't remember the rest, but it's a lot of fun!! :D

It's a cycle.

*sigh* Life. is. hard. 

That's the truth.

I don't know why I just feel like I want to cry for extended periods of time.

I'm going to make a list. We haven't had one in a long time. :)

1. You're like Sunday morning pleasing my eyes.

2. A midsummer dream under star-soaked skies. 

3. That peaceful easy feeling at the end of a long, long road. 

4. You're like coming home. :)

5. Yes, I do realize those are lines to a chorus of a song, but that's how I feel. :)

6. I'm super full right now. I feel like you could just roll me around places.

7. I've cried so much in this past week!

8. I like when I cry those huge teardrops...it feels cool when the roll down my face...

9. *sigh* Confrontation is like my number one fear.

10. Roaches are my number two fear. 

Ok, ignore the list. My thoughts are all discombobulated. Life's been throwing me some pretty crazy things, but I don't really know where to begin. Hah...I'm crying again. :)

Someway, somehow. I'm growing up. I can feel it.

God is good, amidst all that life throws at me. 

Contemplations.

Lord, I come humbly before You. 

My hands empty. 

My eyes brimmed with tears. 

My heart aching for Your love. 

I want to rest in Your grace, in the arms of Your healing. 

I want to be so lost in the vast oceans of Your mercies.

I want to be in awe of Your glory.

I want to fall in love with You again.

Show Yourself strong..

when I am so weak.

Texas Rose.

This is the second book in the series Texas that I'm reading. It's Kate Lowell's story after she and Travis are no longer engaged. Same setting: Dogwood, Texas. 1885.

At the beginning of the book, we see Miss Kate keeping to herself at the train station waiting for the train to take her to El Paso. She overhears a man, McCall Adams, and a woman in a heated argument. The woman is shouting and refuses to tutor McCall's son because he's half-Cherokee. Kate realizes that she has nothing left for her when she goes to El Paso. She has no

Texas Honor.

Ok, so you can totally just start laughing at me like right....now. I just finished reading this book called Texas Honor. Oh my word! It is one CRAZY book! Seriously!

So there's this girl named Rachel Isaacs. She lives with "Momma Ella," a former-slave that Rachel's father adopted into the Isaacs family. Mrs. Isaacs got run over by a bull shortly after Rachel was born, so Momma Ella has taken care of Rachel like all her life. It's early fall at the beginning of the book in the year 1885 in Dogwood, Texas. Rachel's dad passed away sometime in the summer, so Rachel is trying to prove to herself that she can manage their ranch on her own. (I love books like this! This is so Hattie Big Sky!! Except Hattie Big Sky takes place in Montana...but the time period and setting are like totally similar :D) 

Anyway, a little bit after Mr. Isaacs passes away, Rachel finds this letter that he wrote to his best friend Mr. Clayton Campbell in El Paso. Mr. Campbell has a son slightly older than Rachel, so the two fathers arrange a marriage between Rachel and Mr. Campbell's son Travis. Not only do they arrange a marriage, but Mr. Campbell promises Mr. Isaacs that Travis will come and help Rachel with the ranch, since her father is ill.

Ok, fast forward. Cows are being stolen from Rachel's fields and a part of her ranch was set on fire. That same day this guy comes to her farm and says he's Travis Campbell. Skip a lot. Rachel doesn't want him to stay because 1) she doesn't want help on her ranch, she wants to prove to herself she can do it alone 2) she is "intended" to marry Samuel and doesn't want Travis meddling with that. Travis asks if he could at least just spend the night in the barn since he is really tired from traveling on horseback from El Paso to Dogwood, something like that. The Travis Campbell meets initially ends up being some guy that faked his identity. She meets the real Travis Campbell. 

Skip a lot of little details. Rachel lets Travis stay on the ranch for "protection" from the dudes who are stealing cattle and lighting her home on fire. Samuel is not ok with this, duhhh. Momma Ella, throughout the story, contemplates her love lost. She fell in love with Lionel, the "slave" (he wasn't treated as a slave, more like part of the family) that belonged to the Campbell family, but she never knew if he still loved her or if he still remembered her. Rachel's best friend is Abby, but closer to the middle of the book, there's tension between the best friends. Rachel finds out that Travis has a girl he's going to marry back in El Paso named Kate Lowell and that Travis accidentally killed his best friend Zachary (who was Kate's fiance before Travis). SUCH DRAMA! But I'm not even done yet. 

Rachel and Travis slowly fell in love with each other, but they kept denying it because they were both supposed to marry other people, but then they each realized that they really didn't love the people they were supposed to marry. It's so ridiculous. On Rachel and Samuel's wedding day, as Abby was walking down the aisle (before the bride), Rachel noticed how Abby and Samuel look at each other and then she realized that they love each other. Samuel started to whisper something in the minister's ear...right when...DUN DUN DUN!!! Travis busted through the door yelling, "Rachel! I can't let you do this!!!!" He picked her up and stole her away from her wedding. She tried to fight it and started yelling mean things at him, and as they were escaping, Samuel caught up to them, then he and Travis got in a fight. As they were fighting, a carriage stoped right beside them, and out hopped, none other than Miss Kate Lowell herself with Lionel, Momma Ella's lover, escorting her. CRAZINESS!!

Samuel and Rachel realized they never loved each other. Samuel was fond of Abby, and only proposed to Rachel because he felt like he needed to protect her after her father died. Travis and Kate talked and they apologized for never really loving each other the way a man and wife should love each other; Travis only proposed to her because he felt like it was his duty to her since he killed her fiance. Kate only said yes because she was so overcome with grief that she needed somebody to be there for her. She split and went back to El Paso. Lionel and Ella confess that they have continued to love one another in the 20 years they've been separated. So things are all fine and dandy, except Rachel was upset that Kate was around because Rachel didn't know that Travis doesn't love Kate or whatever.

Kate was trying to leave on the morning train to get back home. Travis was going to bring her to the train station, but he stopped to get Kate's things inside the house. He tried to propose to Rachel, but because she was still angry with him, she refused. Later, the household found out that Travis got shot, so then Rachel was all frantic like and told him that she really did love him and that if he didn't die, she would marry him that same day.

Well, they get to the doctor and the doctor is all like "He won't die! Go get some other guy to get the guy who shot Travis and stole your cattle!" So Rachel went out to go get the Constable at the little general store thingy, but then she gets held at gunpoint by one of her hired hands. Ends up there's gold on her land and some guys have been trying to take it from her. So all in all, they catch all the bad guys and all the people that love each other marry the people they love. It's nuts!!!!! But a very intriguing plot, I must say. I love stories in the 1800s, especially on the American frontier or in countryside England. :D

I'm going to bed. Too much drama for 4 hours. I am overwhelmed. :)

Just a thought.

"Oh! divine Redeemer, out of whose inexhaustible fullness I would daily draw a rich supply of grace into my needy soul, be pleased to impart unto me an undivided heart; that to please You, may be my greatest happiness, and to promote Your glory my highest honor. Preserve me from false motives, from a double mind, and a divided heart. Keep me entirely to Yourself, and enable me to crucify every lust, which would tempt my heart from You. Enable me by Your grace to walk in one uniform path of holy, childlike obedience. When tempted to turn aside to the right hand or to the left, may I keep steadily Your way, until brought before Your throne, I see Your face, behold Your smile, and fall in ecstasy at Your feet, lost in wonder, love, and praise."
- Thomas Reade

:)

I know I haven't updated in like A WEEK! It's been terrible!!

You know what I think is sad sometimes? When I go into stores and I get spoken to in Tagalog, but then I speak back in perfect English, and the people that are talking to me look at me surprised. I don't know why that's sad, but it kind of makes me feel bad.

I SAW SO MANY CUTE BABIES TODAY! I love cute babies! Especially when they're chubby and have ADORABLE feet that you just want to pinch and cute faces that smile at you so happily!! Eeeeeee!! Babies are so cute. 

I'm eating leftovers tonight. YUM YUM YUM! They're actually really delicious. :)

My paper for research class.

How to Succeed in Research Class

Rebekah was sitting in her research class on a bright Tuesday morning. It was beautiful outside today, and she longed to just sit out under the sunshine, but she was stuck in research class. She knew she needed to listen to her teacher and pay attention in class; she needed to learn how to write her research papers correctly, but it was so difficult to focus when she did not know what to do or what she needed to help herself pay attention. Rebekah sat at her desk and thought about what she could do to succeed in her research class.

          The teacher, Mr. Muntz, was standing at the front of the class holding a stack of books. He announced to the students that he was passing out their handy-dandy MLA Format book. This book would save them so much time and effort; this book would be the handbook to survive this class. Rebekah made note of this on a piece of paper from her pocket: "Keep MLA Format book handy." Mr. Muntz went on this spiel about how he does not want to see papers full of slang, commonly used words or words we obviously don't know the meaning of. "Other must haves: dictionary and thesaurus," was written in underneath the last note.

  SNAP! Rebekah's pencil broke suddenly. "Aww...," she whispered under her breath as she fumbled through her backpack. There were papers, papers, papers everywhere but no pencil in sight! "Note to self, especially since I can't write this down: Keep pens and pencils handy! Oh, and another thing, get notebooks and keep loose papers in folders." Drew was sitting in the chair next to her and noticed her dilemma. He leaned over and asked Rebekah if she needed a new pencil. "Yes, please," Rebekah shyly answered. Drew just shook his head, laughed cordially and handed her a couple of pencils for, "Just in case." Rebekah knew she needed to have some way of organizing her school supplies. She couldn't get through this class with broken pencils and random scraps of paper.

            As Rebekah was scrambling to find a pencil, her desk was strewn with all the junk that formerly made up the inside of her backpack. In the mess, she spotted her library card. "Oh. It's expired," she said to herself sadly. She would need to have her library card renewed soon, because she knew that research papers need information, and even though, Rebekah knew a lot of information, she didn't know everything there is to know in the world. That sort of information would have to be found within the pages of books located in the local library, easily accessed with the possession of a valid library card. Rebekah slipped her expired library card into her pocket. 

            Mr. Muntz’s hand slammed down on Frank’s desk across the room. Poor Frank shot up from his slumber. Rebekah spotted drool dripping from his mouth. “Frank. Have you been paying attention to anything I’ve been saying?” Mr. Muntz sternly asked Frank. Frank looked up at Mr. Muntz and humbly said, “Yes, sir. I have. You told the class to write a short story that’s due at the end of class today. I wrote mine about a fifteen-year old boy who recently lost his parents. I finished ten minutes ago, and I decided to rest a little, because I was up so late last night working on vocabulary for your English class.” Mr. Muntz stood there completely frozen. “Though you exhibited symptoms of apathy and laziness, Frank, you have embodied the three main characteristics I expect from each of you in this class! You listened to my instructions, followed them with flying colors, and finished the job until it was done! Bravo!”

            The bell rang jolting Rebekah’s research class out of their little interruption. Rebekah frantically finished writing down her thoughts of exactly what she needed to be successful in her research class.

Phenomenon.

I messaged this to Asia before our first day of Freshman year. It's nice to look back and see how far we've come.

Ok, I don't really know what I'm referring to, and you can tell I'm ranting, which means I'm obviously really nervous. You know, I was thinking. Wanna go full-out God this year? Idk how to do that, but it sounds exciting. Asia, it'd be awesome if we really stood up for Him and really did what was right. Do you KNOW how much change would happen. It'd be amazing. And for some reason I am suddenly super burdened about ministering to our peers! It's so strange! Asia, I think it'd be so amazing being used by God. I know it's gonna hurt, I'm gonna make major sacrifices, and things like that, but you know as well as I do that the outcome is astounding. And we're really gonna need each other. To keep each other accountable. To pull each other up and toward Christ. Man, seriously, if we were really serious, GOD WILL REVOLUTIONIZE OUR SCHOOL. Really. And man, like even Hazel and Mariah have this new fire. A desire. A burning for Him. If we really stuck together, like they told us to in camp, MAN, GOOD NIGHT! WE'D DO A LOT FOR GOD.... WHOA I'm super on a roll. But seriously, so many people are praying for us, and that's what we learned at camp--to make a difference for God. We have His power. We have HIM on OUR SIDE. Dude, and like. I can't even begin to explain, but I'm feeling vibes that deep down you feel this way too, and you TOTALLY understand what I'm talking about. MY WORD. This is too amazing. We should discuss and pray about it tomorrow. =]

I love you!

I think it is also entertaining to count how many times I said "dude" or "man." I sound way different than I do now. :)

News.

Last night, we were making preliminary decisions about my 16th birthday party. It was fun. :) 

Mom, Dad, and I also went to Home Depot, and I helped Dad shop for PVC pipes. That was so cool. Ten 1 1/2 90 degree elbows. There was this poster in the pipe section that teaches you how to cut and glue pipes together, step by step with pictures. I pointed at the poster and told Dad that I already knew how to do that. He asked me how I knew. I told him that I've seen him do that a million bajillion times and he's even let me try. I feel proud of myself when I know how to do random things like that. :)

Today is a slooooooow Saturday. I kind of want to go watch a movie and get ice cream. :)

Spirit Week.

Well, I think I went into this week with a proud heart. Sometimes I get to thinking that "I don't need these sermons," but that's not true. I still have a lot of growing to do. This week has been pretty humbling. When I think I have it all together, that's when I fall. I can't live my life on my own strength. I need to moment by moment die to myself and let Jesus live through me. I need to live by grace and ask for mercy continually. I need to live redeemed.

My little taste of the summer I didn't have.

Labor Day Monday. :)

First day of Spirit Week.

Today was really good. I will write more about the spiritual side of Spirit Week at the end, because it will take too long. :) I feel like I'm super loud cheering and I can't hear anyone else! It is so difficult to get underclassmen to cheer! Very ironic!! It used to be the upperclassmen who wouldn't cheer.

Anyway, Rio and I were playing together in this huge afternoon game thing today, and he kept having "muscle spasms" in my direction, he was like whacking me with a pool noodle and punching me very wimpy-like. It was ridiculous. I've known that boy for most of his life...if he wasn't Asia's brother... :) Just kidding. He's an awesome kid...I guess being a freshman isn't really a kid...

I digress!! I shouted at him (because it was really loud), "STOP muscle spasming in my direction!!!" And that dark, mysterious sophomore was there, and he thought I was talking to him and he said, "[took God's name in vain]!!! YOU'RE SO MEAN!" Then I felt bad, because I didn't know if he thought I was talking to him or if he was just messing around. I probably shouldn't shout at my friends' brothers..:(

Quick little update.

Went to Bryce's party yesterday. THAT WAS SO MUCH FUN! I love parties like that. They had super good food, and I love his family! They're hilarious and really sweet.

After that, Jon, C.J., Eliza and I went to the beach. I haven't been to the beach since my post about how I felt like summer personified. :) It was fun! We swam out really far, like farther than I had ever been at Ypao beach, but the water never got deep, that was kind of lame. I love swimming in deep, deep, deep, deep water, but I had fun nonetheless!!

We played volleyball too...but hah! Eliza and I are really bad at it, and we kinda just stood there. It was so cute. :)

More later! I have to go! :D

One moment.

I'm reading this book called The Alchemyst: The Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel right now, and there was this part in the book that one of the main characters had this moment of contemplation. He realized that in that exact moment, his life would be changed forever.

I've had one of those experiences. Usually, though, it seems as if one would only realize how life changing that moment would be after time has passed. My memory is like that.

One night, so many months ago...January 21, 2009 exactly, actually.

Nellie Mae, if you're reading this, do you remember? It's the night you and I first started talking. :) I remember distinctly hearing a voice in my head tell me to get up and talk to you. I sure am glad I did. It really feels like my life did change forever. :) I love being dramatic.

But in all seriousness, it did change a lot of things. :) I miss you lots.

More.

We read the "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God" sermon by Jonathan Edwards today in English. It's so interesting that Edwards read this sermon with a monotone voice hardly looking up at the congregation

Another rainy day.

I love days like today. Growing up kind of days.

Ordinary start to my morning. Slow. Sweet.

It was picture day today.

Had some trouble in my morning classes.

I don't really want to get into that, but all is well now.

Hmm, I shared a testimony in Bible class today. It kind of had something to do with what I shared in prayer meeting last night. I will try to remember what I said.

"After sitting in so many testimonies in our class, I realized that there is one definite thing we have in common, not only with the girls in this room, but with human kind in general. It's that we all hurt; we all have hurts deep inside us, that sometimes we don't even know how to express. Before prayer meeting last night, I was reading through Romans 8, and I thought I should share this with you guys." It's hard to directly quote myself. I quit...I read verses in Romans and told the girls about how our sufferings on earth is nothing compared to the glory we will receive in Heaven, if we are children of God. (vs 18)"

"It is so comforting to know that this pain, this suffering is only temporary and that we have Heaven to look forward to, but sometimes, when we are really hurting, it's hard to grasp the reality of eternity in Heaven. I was talking to Mrs. Loker a couple of weeks ago, and she was saying that when we are in Heaven, earth will feel as faraway as Heaven does right now."

I said more stuff, but I don't quite remember anymore, but it had to do with verses 24 and 25: about hoping for something I can't see, which makes it something I hope for, if that makes sense. I asked, "Do you guys know what it's like when you're crying and crying and you really want to tell someone how you're feeling but you don't know how to put into words? You have that aching feeling in your heart and it just hurts to cry? Well, in verse 26, it says that the Holy Spirit understands those feelings that we can't put to words. He makes intercession for us. I don't have to try to tell God how I feel when my heart hurts like that. He understands anyway."

"The next verse after that is incredible. Verse 28. And when Paul says, all things, he means all things, the good and the bad. Isn't it amazing to know that all things will work together for good?" I said that God's plan for us isn't something bad, something we should be worried or afraid of, but it's GOOD.

I read the passage about God's love. And that's when I just felt so burdened. I shared with the girls how nothing, absolutely nothing, not even the Devil himself can separate us from God's love.

"God in His mercy loved us so much that He sent His perfect Son to come to this dirty, sinful world to die for us. That's humbling, but you know what, it's also really exciting. Why? Because Jesus didn't stay dead. I know you guys have heard this before, but this is what I want to share with you. You can go to Mohammed's grave or Buddha's grave, and you will see them there, dead. You can go to the grave of Jesus Christ, and there isn't anybody there. My Savior is risen. He beat death. Mrs. Loker shared in a homeroom devo last year that if John died for her, it would be honorable and she would be really thankful, but John would be dead and she would be sad. Jesus loved us more than John could ever love Mrs. Loker, and He did die for us, but my Jesus didn't stay dead. He is alive and real, and He is seated at the right hand of the Father making intercession for us. Isn't that awesome? Not only do you have Harvest teachers and fellow students praying for you, but you have Jesus praying for you. I don't know, but I find that so amazing!!"

"I love you guys so much, and it is so special the unity and openness we share in this class. I sit through your testimonies and cry, not because it makes me sad, but because it is so encouraging seeing you guys up here sharing your hearts. It's encouraging to see you grow. Really, it is."

I felt extremely inclined to pray again, so I did. I thanked God for these girls and for our class and for the sweet fellowship we share. Honestly, I really love my class. There's something so special about my class and my grade. We are family, truly.

Miss Choi added to what I said about Jesus making intercession for us. It's in John 17.

"Neither pray I for these alone (His disciples), but for them also which shall (or will) believe in me through their word. That they all may be one; as Thou, Father art in me, and I in Thee, that they also may be one in us (unity); that the world may believe that Thou hast sent me. And the glory Thou gavest me I have given them; that they may be one, even as we are one. I in them, and Thou in me, that they may be perfect in one; and that the world may know that Thou has sent me, and has loved them, as Thou hast loved me.

Jesus prayed for believers in the future too, which would be us believers today. He prayed for unity, so that the world might believe in Him. Not only that, but this passage says that God loves us as much as He loves Jesus. It's incredibly humbling. I learned a lot today.

Prayer notes for Jon.

1. Prayer is accompanied by obedience. Prayer is obedience, but it also requires obedience. If I am not obedient, then our prayers are in vain.

2. Prayer's answers involve waiting, isolation, and fasting. The most effective praying is done in secret, away from the world. We must lose sight of the world, of what steals our hearts the most. In our secret prayer life, we experience the presence of God the most. In our corporate prayer life, we experience the power of God the most.

3. Prayer is how we know God's will. God speaks to us through His Word; We talk to him through prayer.

I know it's not as detailed Pastor Joe's message, but this is what I have.

Tuesday.

Hmm, it's the first of the month, and I can use my Pandora account. Last month I used up the max of 40 hours, because I just let it play the whole day while I was home. I don't think I'll use it up all this month..:)

Anyway, today was good. They had my favorite muffin in the coffee shop this morning. Cappuccino chunk! And they have this new blended drink that I tried: Nutter Crunch, something like that. It has a scoop of peanut butter and Reese's peanut butter cup in it. It's YUM. We had the August birthday party in homeroom today. :D We had chocolate cake with Cool Whip icing and a mini quiche thing to eat. It was fun. :) I love being in Miss Choi's class. She's super sweet and I learn a lot from her. :) I am thankful.

The past couple of days in our Life Skills classes, we've had girls in my class give testimonies. Yesterday, Jenny gave hers, and it brought me to tears. She was telling us of what God's done in her life and how far she's come. She shared a little of her background and how all the things she's gone through gives her a ministry to connect with people who are going through the same thing. It's so humbling to see God working in her life, which is why I started crying. People like her are the reason why I don't give up hope on our students at Harvest. I believe..

Today, Chloe gave a testimony about when her mom got cancer when we were in 9th grade. She told us about how she felt no one could really understand all that she was going through, but then she started talking to Mr Lewis, whose mother went through the same exact thing just three times over. And you know, it got me thinking of two things.

1) Just in my life skills class alone, there are a lot of hurting hearts. I am so blessed to be with the girls in my Bible class. Their hearts are so tender, and it is so amazing to watch the Word of God speak to them. I feel like family.

2) When we go through hard times, it does give us a ministry that no one else can have. I love talking to people who know exactly what I mean, understand totally, and can relate like no other. I want to the be that kind of person to people.

I'm giving the testimony for our class on Thursday. I'm not sure about what I'm going to say yet...I have so much to say. I have no idea where to start.

In other news, I had lunch with Mrs. Loker today. Aww, I love her so much!! It was nice to just sit and talk and cry and laugh. :) Anyway, I have to go to drama rehearsal in just a little bit. It's 7pm-9pm tonight. Isn't that crazy?

More thoughts.

Wish List. Updated.

1. I'm running out of lip gloss. :) I never thought I would say that, but truly, my FOUR tubes are running low. I'm ridiculous. I've read that we actually consume most of that stuff...at least mine tastes good. :P

2. A pet duck. I really want a pet duck, so badly it's ridiculous.

3. Picnics down south! Like at the Inarajan pools! That would be so cool!

4. More time to READ! I have so many books on my Books to Be Read pile. Several!

I'm trying.

Today has been absolutely amazing!!! I don't even have words to express how much I've loved today!!! It started off pretty kick-back.

I got to school at ten after 7, like usual. Bought Kaz some fried rice, sat and watched him eat it. Bought a salmon sushi for myself. Ate it with Min Shik. Wanted coffee. Went to the coffee shop and got Hawaiian Coconut. Yum yum yum!!!

Home science was fun! We learned how to sew, thread a needle, tie a knot, and sew even stitches. I...already knew how to do that. So I merrily threaded my needle and sewed my first line of stitches. I was so excited. :D

Hmm. Chem and choir are alright. Ok choir is like TOTALLY fun. I love it! I never want it to end while I'm in it! I have no idea if I'm good at it or not but I LOVE IT!!! What else? Math is going well. I actually have an A! I just checked.

I'm tired of talking about school. I rode the bus today. Riding the bus would be fun if:

1. Your best friend rode the bus

2. You're meeting someone at Skinners

3. If you could walk around without having people stare at you like you were a chicken without a head. Something like that.

I seriously dislike walking through crowds of people from other private schools. Crude boys, snotty girls, disgusting couples. Bleh bleh bleh. I could do without those, thank you.

Oh yeah! In Chem today, all the girls sitting around me had this super long conversation about makeup! It was really funny! Bella just bought the new CoverGirl Lashblast Waterproof Mascara, but she was telling us she didn't like it. And then Chloe told us that she uses the same mascara that Rihanna uses, the Color Blast one or whatever. It was so interesting! And hilarious! We were trading stories about what we use to take off makeup and stuff. Good times. We all wanted to go makeup shopping after that. It DID fit into Chem class. Cosmetology was under the "jobs" part of why it's important to study chemistry!! :D

I can't remember anything else. BUT I TRIED TODAY!

I know. I'm lame.

I haven't blogged in such a long time.

I have nothing to say.

I'm sorry.

One of these days I'm going to make up for all this lost time.

Here's for the girls ;)

This is the first high school girls volleyball game of the season! This is also the first time we have had a VARSITY girls team for volleyball in four years! So the girls have been working hard for this season.

Sanchez always has a good amount of support for their teams, so let's crowd them out and show support for OUR team.

Wear something BLUE or YELLOW! BE CREATIVE!

If you are having trouble with the entry fee ask a friend.

I ripped this off Kyle's facebook.

Read!

I've finished two books in the last week.

The Mysterious Benedict Society.

and The Graveyard Book.

Two very excellent books.

I love books like these because they view life from a different perspective.

Neither are vile or have objectionable materials.

The Graveyard Book sounds scary but is not scary.

It's actually a really sweet story. There are a few "dark" parts, since it's in a cemetery. There are ghosts and a murder in the story, but as far as being gross or explicit, NO. It's fine. :) However, please be sure to make sure it's ok with whoever you need to check with if you read this book. I have no idea who reads this blog, and I just want to be sure I don't get anyone in trouble.

The Mysterious Benedict Society is a little bit cliche and predictable, but the end is very conclusive. It's one of those books that I don't regret reading. It's a good book. I love the plot! It's creative in a expectable way...I don't know if that really made sense. :D

I started another one right now called Here, There Be Dragons. I am not really a "fantasy" book reader and am not really fond of reading about mystical characters, but I love the writing style of the book! I don't know what it is, but it's captivating! I'll tell you more about it later.

My Day.

Today was just one of those days that I really dislike being a girl. :( For those who are not girls, on days like today, you have it so, so easy.

OTHER THAN THAT, I've had a very wonderful and productive day! In Home Science today, I got to make the teriyaki sauce, while most everyone else just had to cut a bunch of veggies! I'm realizing that, contrary to prior beliefs of mine, I do know how to cook. I just don't really know how to make anything off the top of my head. Truly. That's what my problem is, so I'm very proud of myself that I figured it out.

Speaking of being proud of myself, I have a 90 average in math class!! And I got a 96 on my math test!! I haven't gotten an A on a math test since I was in 8th grade! Soooooo happy! One of four As in the class too! I can brag...:) My blog. Besides, you're probably not even in my math class. :P

Oh yeah, have you ever stuck your head out of a window of a moving vehicle? I LOVE doing that! Especially when it's raining. It's like a rain shiatsu for your head! :D Haha...and it's super refreshing. I love it. Try it sometime...when it's SAFE! And if you do this UNSAFELY, you sure didn't hear it from me!

My hands are dry. I'm going to put to good use cocoa butter lotion. :)

RANDOM STORY:

One time in PE last year, we were doing a stretch that looked like we were bowing down and praying towards Mecca or bowing down to an idol. Well, whatever...we were prostrate on the floor, so I made a joke and pretended like I was worshipping a fake idol. But then I felt guilty like I was sinning, so I prayed and asked forgiveness from God in front of my whole class. It was so funny and not funny at the same time. Good times. :D Yes, I am awesome.

Quick.

I haven't been up to much. :)

Uhhhh, I just finished reading The Mysterious Benedict Society. Excellent book. Almost made me cry, but not quite...

Ehh. Sorry I haven't got much time to say anything!

Oh YEAH! First girls' vball game this Friday at the FLC at 5:30pm!!

Be there!

:D

I tried. :)

This is me being bored in my room and attempting to take before and after pictures of my haircut. FAIL. I got too distracted making faces. I thought they were funny and put them up anyway. Obviously, I had my hair cut again, and I was secretly very proud because the lady who cut my hair kept commenting about how healthy, shiny, and strong it is. :D 

RANDOM! I just took a little quiz on Facebook about what my eyes say about me or whatever. They are fun. :) This is what I got.

Beauty.

When people look into your eyes, they see true beauty. They can tell that you're a down-to-earth, and honest person. Your eyes make people want to get to know you. You make friends easily and aren't afraid to speak your mind, but you always make sure to be kind and polite. If you don't like something, you let people down in a subtle way. You like to make yourself known, without going overboard. You are a gifted person that has inside and outside beauty, and you always like to flaunt it!

Dear blog,

It's been a rough day, in ways. I'm realizing that when things don't go my way or I'm disappointed, I get really grumpy. This is me not trusting God. Here we go again...

Hi, my name is Ruthie.

I'm not perfect. 

My heart breaks.

I have a really deep trust problem.

Most people think that I'm open to others and open to getting myself vulnerable.

They're right. To an extent.

I am open to people.

I purposely open up myself to them.

Why?

I want them to open up to me.

Some people can't do that, because they don't trust people.

I trust people.

But you see, that's my problem.

I trust people.

Who do I really need to be trusting?

GOD.PERIOD

Deep down, I would love to stop being disappointed. 

No, not just by other people.

But mainly disappointed with myself. 

I set my expectations far too high.

Today, after crying for a long while, I quit.

I quit expecting things from myself that I don't have.

I quit thinking I'm perfect.

I quit thinking I've got everything together.

I quit thinking I don't need help.

I quit thinking I can do this by myself. 

Truth is:

I'm not perfect.

I haven't got everything together.

I do need help.

I can't do this by myself. 

I put my desires and expectations in the hands of a loving Father that has known all these truths about me all this time. He's just been waiting for me to come to this point of realization. I need to trust God. It sounds so simple, so elementary. But it's foundational. If I don't trust God, all the things I know about Him are just that: things I know about Him; facts. 

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding." Proverbs 3:5 (emphasis mine)

From my heart to yours,

Ruthie

What I really want.

Time.

I want time.

This is totally irrelevant to the title. I just didn't want to make two short updates.

I'm beginning to realize what "to each his own" means in a new sense. I don't want to take the time to explain why or how, but I think every boy has his "best girl in the world." She may or may not really be the best girl in the world, but to him, she probably is. I stumbled on the sweetest little present at school today. A girl I know has a backpack with little symbols and words written on the outside, and on the inside, was written the meanings and significance of each word or symbol. It was adorable. Sentimental. Very sentimental. That takes thought. :) I appreciate people who give presents like that. 

Lame lame lame.

I'm sorry that my blog has been somewhat abandoned these last two days. School's been going great, I guess. It's an adjustment.

Shout out.

I had a really good afternoon. :)

Hmm, I just have many abstract thoughts right now. 

My math class is a riot. It really is. We are so mathematically challenged. I am one of them, but I'm one of the more vocal mathematically challenged students. Our teacher asked us how many problems two sets of #4-28, only multiples of four is. It took us a long while to figure out we only had 14 problems to do for homework. It was pretty ridiculous. We have to keep asking the teacher to repeat what he just said. I really think he should stop teaching us consumers math and go back to the fundamentals of math. We struggle so much. I pity our class, our teacher, and myself. It's bad...it makes me want to cry because I am so bad at math. It's not funny...

I love my English class. Even though I have it at eighth hour, my teacher is AMAZING! She is so captivating and interesting! I could just sit there talking about why we study English for the whole day! I loved it! And research too...since I have the same teacher. :D

It's cute. I have two repeat teachers. I have Miss Choi for first hour and sixth hour, and I have Miss French third hour and eighth hour, on Tuesdays and Thursdays only.

I'm going to sleep. I'm really tired. Oh yeah, I mentioned my blog in the letter I had to write in research today. :D 

Last Day of Summer.

Tomorrow I start the first day of my junior year of high school. In some respect, I am excited, but in another, I really don't care. Ok, not that I don't care...it's just that this is my 14th first day of school at Harvest. I know all of the teachers there. I have like one or two new classmates; all the others I've known for most of my life. I was at Harvest pretty much my whole summer.

Tomorrow is just another day at Harvest; only, it's a different set of clothes. Seriously.

Anyway, I don't really have much to say to conclude my thoughts about this summer. It started off with a whole lot of emotions, hard to deal with emotions. The end of it all? Anticipation. 

I'd really love to see how this year turns out. By far, it has been the most surprising and unsuspecting. 

Mobile Updates!

I'm on Mom's Blackberry right now. Just chillin' at another Sustantia event. I have come to the conclusion that my mother is downright amazing. I am so proud of her and what she's accomplished. She is such an abitious and determined woman. She deserves the honor she has. I'm so proud to be her daughter. This thing also has some connection to a Rice Festival that's on-island. I would love to go there with a bunch of friends! It'll be here in Agana Shopping Center until sometime in September, so if anyone wants to plan a Saturday to the exhibit, then I'm down. ;)

Book List.

BBC believes most people will have only read 6 of the 100 books here. How do your reading habits stack up?

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen -X 
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien- X
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte - X
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling - X
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee - X
6 The Bible -X
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte - X
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell - 
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman - 
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens - X 

Sub-total: 8 (Ok, I already disproved BBC's theory.)

11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott - X
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy- 
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller -
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare - X
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier -
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien - X
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk - 
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger - 
19 The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger-
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot-

Sub-total: 3
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell -
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald- 
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens-
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy-
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams-
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh-
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky - 
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck - 
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll- X
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame -X

Sub-total: 2

31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy- 
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens-
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis -X
34 Emma-Jane Austen - X
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen-X
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - C.S. Lewis -X
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hossein - 
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres - 
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Goldenx -
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne - X

Sub-total: 5

41 Animal Farm - George Orwell - 
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown - 
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez - 
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving -
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins - 
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery -
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy- 
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood- 
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding - 
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan- 

Sub-total: 0

51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel - 
52 Dune - Frank Herbert - 
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen - X 
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth - 
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon-
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens - 
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley - 
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night - Mark Haddon- 
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez-

Sub-total: 1

61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck -
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov - 
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt- 
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold- 
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas - X
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac - 
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy-
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding-
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie- 
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville- X

Sub-total: 2

71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens - X
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker - 
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett- X
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson - 
75 Ulysses - James Joyce - 
76 The Inferno – Dante - 
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome - 
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackery -

Sub-total: 2

80 Possession - AS Byatt-
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens - X
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell - 
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker- 
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro - 
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert - 
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White - X
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom-X
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle - X
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton - 

Sub-total: 4

91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad -
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery - X
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks 
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams - 
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole -
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute - 
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas -X
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare -X
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl -X
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo - X

Subtotal: 5
Total: 31

This is ridiculous.

I've been reading through my blog posts from the past couple of days, and I sound really stupid. I sound air-headed and girly, and so not like myself. Whatever. It's not like blog posts define who I am. 

It's the last Friday of summer. I think I owe myself a few thought provoking words. 

This summer was really hard, not only on myself, but on so many people I know. It's difficult when people you love move away. There has been a lot of healing this summer. I think back to the day during Cool School that our whole team just did one-on-ones and talked, for real. It hurts, but it's what's good for us. Honesty. Ok, that wasn't as thought-provoking as I hoped.

Tonight, I was faced with some facts that I don't really know how to deal with. I like to think that I really know myself and that I know exactly who I am. I do, it's just that, I'm beginning to realize that I have so much suppressed feelings in my subconscious that I don't know how to let out. No, I'm not crazy. I think every human being is like this. We learn to deal with things. We tuck away our hurts so we no longer feel them. They are no longer part of us. We are wrong. They are part of us. We are just not aware of its presence. The hurt has made it's way deeper than we know. We shouldn't hide it away, we need to find a way to channel it out. I want to let it all out. I don't want to hurt for the rest of my life.

I want the darkness out, so that there may be room for the light. 

School.

This is the last Friday night that I have before school starts. I don't really know what to say about it. I just came home from orientation like an hour ago. This year is going to be different. I can feel it. There's just this distance-y feeling that I'm getting. It feels funny being with people that are really my age. 

Well, whatever. I'll learn to deal with it.

OH yeah, for my third year of high school, I get another dumb locker.

*sigh*

We'll see.

Hmm.

Where to begin? I have had such an exhausting day today. 

I helped out at Harvest today, specifically Mrs. Loker. Sweet fun. I love her. :) I don't really know what else to say. 

Honestly, I'm really tired. When I do feel suddenly inspired, I'll say something. I promise. I have a headache and I am just..tired. D:

Number 1 reasons.

I was thinking about these today.

Top number one reason:

Why I like country music:

It's more than just a song. It's a story.

I occasionally like staying at home:

Mom and Dad's faces when they see the house I cleaned.

I think ice cream is heavenly:

Definition of wallowing: to eat ice cream while getting over boys. 

Hah! More like getting over anything. 

I love about my Mac:

It's in to minimalism. It's simple. It's sleek. 

Girls watch chick-flicks:

We imagine we're the girl in the movie, being saved by her man. 

Subconsciously and unintentionally, but it's true.

Why I like to blog:

It's nice knowing people actually enjoy what I have to say. I like writing to an audience.

This summer has been the best I've ever had:

Simple. I've learned to wait and to be patient. 

3 months.

I've been waiting my whole summer to feel the way I do right now. And let me tell you, it's been totally worth it.

And to top that all off, 

I'm going to hang out with my best friend today. :) 

God is good. He brings healing from brokenness. 

On another note, I found a SUPER cute bag. It's reversible! On one side, it's white and pink with tons of little flowers, and the other side is grey! I love it! I also found some cute shoes at Ross yesterday. I'm actually trying to wear them in right now, so they're comfier to wear before school starts. I'm excited. I got new uniforms yesterday. I was able to find navy blue skirts with the pleats! I love them! They need to be hemmed since Harvest uniforms come ridiculously long. I was supposed to do that today, but I don't really know where any of the stuff to do that is. :( I'm going to sport the vibrant red shirts. The faded blue made me look super washed out. 

I'm going to clean the house right now. :) 

I dig this song. Happy Ending by Sugarland.

Cowboys ride into sunsets
The good guy always gets the girl
Cinderella has just fit
A glass slipper that changed her world

We all know the stories
We all know the fairy tales
We all get the glory of making it for ourselves

From the beginning
We're all looking for a happy ending
Every dream of winning
Every love we've been in
Right from the beginning
We're looking for a happy ending

We've come here with nothing
And take it with us the day we leave
The first and last breath don't matter
It's all the ones that are in-between
It's the reason for living
It's the reason the caged bird sings
It's why we see it in the movies
All the way to the closing scenes

From the beginning
We're all looking for a happy ending
Every dream of winning
Every love we've been in
Right from the beginning
We're looking for a happy ending

And all those dreamers who have come and gone
Who've reached for the stars, who've overcome
You're the hope, you're the wish, you're the truth
Baby, here's the proof

Baby's born in this ghetto
Baby's born with a silver spoon
One tells his Mama I have a dream
One tells his Mama I'll walk the moon

From the beginning
We're all looking for a happy ending
Every dream of winning
Every love we've been in
Right from the beginning
We're looking for

From the beginning
We're all looking for a happy ending
Every dream of winning
Every love we've been in
Right from the beginning
We're looking for a happy ending

I think not!

I can do something that's been said to be impossible. I put mascara on without opening my mouth!!! Hah!! I'm so proud of myself. Totally random and girly, I know. 

I'm going to buy a few school supplies tonight. :) Excited.

I love new school supplies. 

Interruption. :)

I'm doing some chores around the house right now, and usually when I do, I think a lot. These are some of the thoughts that have been rolling around in my mind. They're more serious than the last few times I've done this. :) But hey, I think it's good stuff.

Why is it that most people who come to a profound realization of what "knowing God" really means are people who have grown up in the church? Does that make sense? I think I might know. At least, what I do know holds true for my understanding of what knowing God means. I think for people who have grown up in the church, we get so used to hearing about God that eventually (sometimes also unintentionally) we get desensitized to the awesomeness (real def of awesome) of our great God. We get to know facts about God, rather than God Himself. 

Then. When it finally clicks, it's HUGE. I know. It changed my life. Your relationship with God steps from a head knowledge to a heart knowledge. The reality of who He is has moved the eighteen inches from your head to your heart. Those eighteen inches are a big deal. 

Just a thought. :) And I did check up on the whole eighteen inches thing. You think I make these things up? 

Solved.

I know what I learned this summer. I know it so well that I can say it in a sentence. I barely even need to explain it.

I've learned what it means to be strong.

Be strong for other people.

Be strong for myself. 

Something like that.

Kaz's 6th birthday party!

So I had so much fun tonight!! I love parties at our house. They are ridiculously awesome. Here are some pics. And yes, we do still have some of our Christmas decorations up. :) We're festive like that. No, just busy. :) And the pics uploaded inverted. Oh well. Just scroll down and then scroll up. :D The quality of the pics is kind of blurry and pixely. I can't figure out why. I'm too lazy to fix it. Whatever. I'll fix it when I have time. Or...when I'm not lazy.