First Day.

Around this time of year, I get all these weird, jittery feelings about the first day of school. And I get this knowing feeling that I will be exactly the way I've always been on that day. For those of you who have had me in some of your classes, you know. I get really teacher's pet-like. I do all the errands, all the time, for every little thing. I raise my hand for everything. I volunteer for everything. I answer all the questions. Everything. At least for the first couple of months. 

I don't know why I get like that, but I know I do. I even get jealous when the teacher starts picking someone else other than me. And I hold these mini-grudges. It gets pretty ridiculous. I show up on the first day, and purposely seem intimidating, like I know exactly who I am and what I want and I am going to do exactly what it takes to get what I want. This is the bratty Ruthie. It is! I'm not even lying!!  

I used to do it for ACB too! When I was in jr high, I was like one of the only girls on my ACB team. I would go and like be the ditziest one there. I would say these really off the wall things. It was actually really funny to think about. Then when we would sit down and actually challenge each other. I would say my name like I meant business, and then totally own the other team. My favorite part was afterward, we would stand up and shake hands, and I loved seeing the look on the other team's faces after our team beat theirs. They would be so shocked!! Especially because a lot of times, I answered a lot of the questions in the round! Oh it was such a good feeling. :) 

So that is Ruthie being a brat. :D 

Something I don't hear anymore.

I love you too.

Wow, I miss it.

I feel like...nobody tells me that anymore.

I say I love you, but whoever I say that to is so quick to leave that they don't even hear it...

So I never am told I am loved too.

It kinda makes me want to cry.

Like right now.

I kinda want to cry.

Missing out.

I was just looking through people's pictures of this summer on Facebook...I'm in some of them, but I don't remember. I know I was there, but why doesn't it feel like it?

I feel like I've missed out on this whole summer. Like I was there in body, but neither in heart nor spirit. I don't know why. This has only occurred to me now. 

I realized that I barely know the camp team this year. I don't have many memories of either Cool School or Camp. I'm not in on any of the new inside jokes. I wasn't there for any of the interesting things that happened this summer. It's weird. I've always had these things--known the camp team, been at Cool School and Camp, had inside jokes, and have been there for all and any of the interesting things that happen during the summertime at Harvest. 

So I wonder...

Where have I been?

I figured it out.

I didn't want to talk, because people got fed up with me talking. I was frustrated because now that I really rather would not talk, people want me to talk. And honestly, I don't think that I have to, unless it concerns them or if I really wanted to. Force isn't an option.

These past couple of weeks all I really wanted was someone just to listen. But what I'm asking for, I know that it sounds selfish, is someone to just listen and not say anything. I don't want their opinion or their advice or even anything good they have to say. I just want someone to hear me out until I'm done saying all that I have to say. That's when I'll talk. 

For me, I know what the right thing to do is. Sometimes I do need to be reminded.

Other times?

I just want someone to listen.

And for a lot of other people, I'm sure this holds true.

Wish list.

I had to add this in before I went to bed, because I'm a brat that likes to announce to the world everything she wants. :D

1. Wild Honeysuckle body cream. I will run out before mom goes back to the States in a couple of months.

2. I think I had more. But my mind just went totally blank. I must be tired. More later on this one too.

Hey y'all. ;)

Well, I just wanted to let everyone know that my fever has pretty much subsided. Headache is gone! Appetite is back...relatively. I can eat like a cup of food, but that's kind of already pushing it. I still cough like something fierce. Make me laugh, and you'll help me out. Seriously. :) My lips are chapped so bad, because I can't breathe through my nose, but I don't want to use any of my chap stick for fear of infecting it. My nose still runs (my feet don't smell). :D So that's all good.

I tried to take the medicinal taste off of my tongue, but I think I tried to hard, because sometimes I can't feel my tongue. I'm taking like children's medicine, and it's like the kind that makes you sleepy. It does make me sleepy, but it's super weak, and it gives me weird dreams. I'll have to tell that story another time. 

Oh yeah. Did I tell you guys that I like got super sick when I was Vegas? Well, it was bad. It's kind of a graphic story, but you know, I'm almost pretty sure I could have died. Thank the Lord for gag reflexes. Alrighty. I'm off to bed. I'm super tired. 

I'm going to go dream about my ladybug sister and my castle infected with an illness. :)

More later. :D Hope you guys are doing good. 

Hey. New question.

What's God doing in your life? Tell me. Tell me. I want to know. 

Poor, ungrateful child.

That is me. It is. 

I'm cleaning my room right now. 

And...

I have enough clothes in my wardrobe to dress 5 girls, like they can share my wardrobe, and we would still have plenty of options. Perks of being an only child? I guess. I don't get hand-me downs. What I do get:

TONS.

AND 

TONS.

OF LAUNDRY.

Which I do myself.

And the ironing.

SO maybe I'm not ungrateful. 

just spoiled, unintentionally.