Really, all that I really want...is just a good one.
I don't need any presents underneath the Christmas tree, so long as I know there are people around me that I love. They are gifts enough.
I don't need the heat of a fire or the warmth in my tummy from hot cocoa. My heart will be warm enough, kindled by the fire of a thousand kindred spirits around the world and right here, feeling exactly the way I feel right now.
I don't need the decorations. Christmas spirit lingers in the air, in the eyes of people that truly know the Reason for the season.
I don't need all the food. My spirit will be full enough, hearing the low hum of hearts rejoicing, seeing more smiles on people's faces...
I don't need all the people, the parties...even though that would be great. 'Cause I finally know the deep, deep love of Jesus; to rest in the arms of His mercy.
26 days till the dawn of Grace.
Really...I just want a good Christmas, whatever that means.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Kazz the 5yr old Spaz.
Kaz is the bomb. Period.
We have a sliding glass door in one of our rooms, and it looks out onto the backyard. Our dog, George, will only go to the backyard if there is someone there. This morning, my mom was in that room like she usually is, and when Kaz woke up, he went straight there. He opened up the glass door and started to play with George. He was petting him and stuff, then right out of the blue, he says to my mother, "George has a wish. He wants to be a people. So that when he grows up he can be my brother." Needless to say, my mom was laughing so hard. :)
Another time, he and George were playing in our garage. Kaz LOVES to talk to George. Last week, they were playing while my dad was clearing up the garage, and Kaz asks George, "Georgie, how old are you?" My dad tells Kaz George is only 3 years old. Kaz then replies, "Oh! That means he needs to be in Mrs. Ignacio's class! And when he's 5, he can be with me in Mrs. Schallhorn's class!!!" He's an awesome kid.
One morning, my mom and I were having breakfast in the dining room. Kaz is bouncing around on our couches while Mom and I were talking. All of a sudden, he stops, looks at me, and asks, "Ruthie, do you cry when you're alone?" And I told him I did. He then responds, "Ok, I'll stay with you, so you won't cry. I don't like it when you cry." Then my mom and I proceeded to bust out laughing, because truly it's Kaz who cries when he is left alone. We thought it was funny that he shifted the need of another person to me....cute kid.
Today we went to PIC to swim. We were playing on the animal slide thingies. Kaz stops to fix his hair and then goes down the slide. Afterward, he fixes his hair again. I accidentally pull him under the water, and he starts freaking out. He looks at me and says, "I just fixed my hair! Now I won't look handsome anymore!" It was so funny.
Some of my favorite things that Kaz does are: whenever I get left alone ('cause I'm delaying and everyone else is ahead) he will ask everyone to stop and wait for me. And how he always sticks up for me. And backs me up. And thinks I'm the coolest, most beautiful ME in the world. And how he always, always, always, without fail makes sure I'm ok, and does whatever he can possible to make sure I'm ok. He'll make me laugh when I'm sad. He'll start crying when I'm crying. He'll get mad at something/someone that has hurt me. He'll do kung fu to George to make sure I can get into the house safely. Kaz is so caring; I love him. He's the best.
All to say, I think it runs in our blood. ;)
We have a sliding glass door in one of our rooms, and it looks out onto the backyard. Our dog, George, will only go to the backyard if there is someone there. This morning, my mom was in that room like she usually is, and when Kaz woke up, he went straight there. He opened up the glass door and started to play with George. He was petting him and stuff, then right out of the blue, he says to my mother, "George has a wish. He wants to be a people. So that when he grows up he can be my brother." Needless to say, my mom was laughing so hard. :)
Another time, he and George were playing in our garage. Kaz LOVES to talk to George. Last week, they were playing while my dad was clearing up the garage, and Kaz asks George, "Georgie, how old are you?" My dad tells Kaz George is only 3 years old. Kaz then replies, "Oh! That means he needs to be in Mrs. Ignacio's class! And when he's 5, he can be with me in Mrs. Schallhorn's class!!!" He's an awesome kid.
One morning, my mom and I were having breakfast in the dining room. Kaz is bouncing around on our couches while Mom and I were talking. All of a sudden, he stops, looks at me, and asks, "Ruthie, do you cry when you're alone?" And I told him I did. He then responds, "Ok, I'll stay with you, so you won't cry. I don't like it when you cry." Then my mom and I proceeded to bust out laughing, because truly it's Kaz who cries when he is left alone. We thought it was funny that he shifted the need of another person to me....cute kid.
Today we went to PIC to swim. We were playing on the animal slide thingies. Kaz stops to fix his hair and then goes down the slide. Afterward, he fixes his hair again. I accidentally pull him under the water, and he starts freaking out. He looks at me and says, "I just fixed my hair! Now I won't look handsome anymore!" It was so funny.
Some of my favorite things that Kaz does are: whenever I get left alone ('cause I'm delaying and everyone else is ahead) he will ask everyone to stop and wait for me. And how he always sticks up for me. And backs me up. And thinks I'm the coolest, most beautiful ME in the world. And how he always, always, always, without fail makes sure I'm ok, and does whatever he can possible to make sure I'm ok. He'll make me laugh when I'm sad. He'll start crying when I'm crying. He'll get mad at something/someone that has hurt me. He'll do kung fu to George to make sure I can get into the house safely. Kaz is so caring; I love him. He's the best.
All to say, I think it runs in our blood. ;)
Your Love Keeps Lifting Me Higher
"Lord, I'm all in. Let's do this. I don't want control over my life. All that I have, all that I am, it's all Yours.
Take the sin that makes me human, and purify it. Cleanse me. I want to be right with You. All the bitterness and hatred, it's Yours to cover with Your healing. All the lying and unkind words, it's Yours to cover with Your gentleness. All the pride and self-righteousness, it's Yours to cover with Your humility. All the shame and the guilt, it's Yours to cover with Your acceptance. I don't want to live in sin. I want my heart to beat like Yours and be with Yours.
Take my life and use it however You please. I will go to the ends of the earth, the depths of the sea, the heights of the mountains...what ever it takes. I want You to use my life in a way that will show the world how much I love You and the awe-striking glory that You are. I want to be known as a consecrated, committed child of God.
Take my heart that longs for fulfillment aside from you. Bind it to Your heart. I want to feel the warmth of Your everlasting love. I want to be so lost in the vast oceans of Your mercies. Keep my heart in Yours. I want You to have my whole heart, not the bits and pieces. I want to have a heart after Your heart. Lord, what breaks Your heart, I want it to break mine; what angers Your heart, I want it to anger mine; what delights Your heart, I want my heart to be overflowing with joy.
Heart and soul, I'm Yours."
God came down and walked beside me. God came down to remind me...this is what it feels like to be loved.
Take the sin that makes me human, and purify it. Cleanse me. I want to be right with You. All the bitterness and hatred, it's Yours to cover with Your healing. All the lying and unkind words, it's Yours to cover with Your gentleness. All the pride and self-righteousness, it's Yours to cover with Your humility. All the shame and the guilt, it's Yours to cover with Your acceptance. I don't want to live in sin. I want my heart to beat like Yours and be with Yours.
Take my life and use it however You please. I will go to the ends of the earth, the depths of the sea, the heights of the mountains...what ever it takes. I want You to use my life in a way that will show the world how much I love You and the awe-striking glory that You are. I want to be known as a consecrated, committed child of God.
Take my heart that longs for fulfillment aside from you. Bind it to Your heart. I want to feel the warmth of Your everlasting love. I want to be so lost in the vast oceans of Your mercies. Keep my heart in Yours. I want You to have my whole heart, not the bits and pieces. I want to have a heart after Your heart. Lord, what breaks Your heart, I want it to break mine; what angers Your heart, I want it to anger mine; what delights Your heart, I want my heart to be overflowing with joy.
Heart and soul, I'm Yours."
God came down and walked beside me. God came down to remind me...this is what it feels like to be loved.
Conversations
--I am sitting on the lanai of the Family Life Center, sick as can be. The sky is a blazing pink and orange slowly fading up to a deep blue yonder. Thoughts swirling through my head at dizzying speeds. Fatigue crawling through my skin. A faint rustling sound is heard in the still, solemn silence of the wind. I look into the depths of the sunset......
My stomach drops. I feel sick. Slowly, I ease myself down so that I am looking straight up into the starlit sky. A peace falls over me. The thoughts come to a halt. I hear a still, small voice...
"Ruthie, what is it that you really want?"
-To be loved, Lord. That's what I really want.
"Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us, and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins." (1 John 4:10)
"What else, Ruthie? I know there's more."
-To be accepted, Father, I want to be accepted.
"...Wherein He hath made us accepted in the beloved..." (Ephesians 1:6)
"Am I enough for you?"
-You are my Shepherd. I shall not want. (Ps 23:1)
"Can you live this life without Me?"
-My flesh and my heart faileth, but You are the strength of my heart and my portion forever. (Ps 73:26)
"Do people mean more to you than I do, Ruthie?"
-...Whom have I in heaven but Thee? There is none upon the earth that I desire beside Thee. (Ps 73:25)
"Where is your heart?"
-Far away from the shores of Your heart, Father.
"Ruthie, where is your heart?"
-No longer lost in the vast oceans of Your mercies.
"Where should your heart be?"
-In Your presence is fulness of joy. (Ps 16:11)
My stomach drops. I feel sick. Slowly, I ease myself down so that I am looking straight up into the starlit sky. A peace falls over me. The thoughts come to a halt. I hear a still, small voice...
"Ruthie, what is it that you really want?"
-To be loved, Lord. That's what I really want.
"Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us, and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins." (1 John 4:10)
"What else, Ruthie? I know there's more."
-To be accepted, Father, I want to be accepted.
"...Wherein He hath made us accepted in the beloved..." (Ephesians 1:6)
"Am I enough for you?"
-You are my Shepherd. I shall not want. (Ps 23:1)
"Can you live this life without Me?"
-My flesh and my heart faileth, but You are the strength of my heart and my portion forever. (Ps 73:26)
"Do people mean more to you than I do, Ruthie?"
-...Whom have I in heaven but Thee? There is none upon the earth that I desire beside Thee. (Ps 73:25)
"Where is your heart?"
-Far away from the shores of Your heart, Father.
"Ruthie, where is your heart?"
-No longer lost in the vast oceans of Your mercies.
"Where should your heart be?"
-In Your presence is fulness of joy. (Ps 16:11)
Sunday, October 3, 2010
This is pathetic.
You know what is sad? The fact that the last time I blogged was in AUGUST! What happened to when I used to blog at least once a day. Now we're lucky if I even think about blogging! Well, I have thought about it, but...I've never got around to it ok? (Haha, Nacho Libre reference)
Notes:
1. Anyway, I really don't have Graphic Design during my eighth hour; I was able to get into Internship, which I enjoy lots!
2. I'm sorry that Twitter keeps asking my visitors to sign in. I decided, for privacy issues, to put my tweets on private.
3. I know I am acting as if the whole world reads my blogs, so please forgive me if I am overstating my following. :)
What's new?
Academically
I have never been busier during a school year than I have been this year! It's insane! I have projects and papers and book reports due left and right, and many times I have no idea where to start! But God gives so much grace! My one academic goal that I had to start off the year was that I was going to turn in all of my assignments in on time. I have now expanded my one goal into THREE!
1. Turn in all assignments in on time.
So far so good.
2. Make wise use of my time (i.e. work ahead)
3. Aim for the Principal's list award (e.g. a 97% or above average in every class)
We will see. Report cards come out in three weeks, I think?
I had a spiritual update to add to this....but there is no resolution at the end, and I can't bear posting something with no resolving ending.
Notes:
1. Anyway, I really don't have Graphic Design during my eighth hour; I was able to get into Internship, which I enjoy lots!
2. I'm sorry that Twitter keeps asking my visitors to sign in. I decided, for privacy issues, to put my tweets on private.
3. I know I am acting as if the whole world reads my blogs, so please forgive me if I am overstating my following. :)
What's new?
Academically
I have never been busier during a school year than I have been this year! It's insane! I have projects and papers and book reports due left and right, and many times I have no idea where to start! But God gives so much grace! My one academic goal that I had to start off the year was that I was going to turn in all of my assignments in on time. I have now expanded my one goal into THREE!
1. Turn in all assignments in on time.
So far so good.
2. Make wise use of my time (i.e. work ahead)
3. Aim for the Principal's list award (e.g. a 97% or above average in every class)
We will see. Report cards come out in three weeks, I think?
I had a spiritual update to add to this....but there is no resolution at the end, and I can't bear posting something with no resolving ending.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Favorite FB statuses ever.
July 20, 2010
"I love my job!!! Other people may think differently, but...I have been secretly wanting to work housekeeping at Harvest since I was 7! :D Oh, I finished the book, Bryce Collier. Percy and Annabeth!!! At the end!!! Eeeee!!! :D"
June 26, 2010
"I am amazed at some people's incapability to spell. One day, I will teach spelling class."
June 16, 2010
"Does it bother anyone else when people try to share their thoughts on Facebook through notes, but they completely fail grammatically? It totally distracts me, and I can't refocus to read their message. D: I feel bad...:)"
June 5, 2010
"Does anyone else get scared that the person is offended (angry or upset) when they use ellipses too much?"
May 28, 2010
"Ok, I love how there are many sides of summer. Today was the play in the water, laugh as much as possible, watch other people slather on tons of sunscreen (because I don't wear sunscreen ;D), and slide down the humongous water slide till your skin is wrinkly kind of day!!!!"
May 20, 2010
"So, Asia Elaine Oshiro and I were trying to cook corned beef for breakfast. You'd think that since we're part of the generation that's known to be "tech-savvy," we'd be able to open the can of corned beef. Wrong. Wrong wrong wrong wrong WRONG. We totally FAILED and ended up having to scoop most of it through the little slit we opened...:("
April 19, 2010
"It really irks me when people are incapable of original thought and continuously quote other people. Usually my first reaction, whether right or wrong, is to wonder whether they take the time to read books that aren't watered down to help "my generation" understand English. Ridiculous."
March 28, 2010
"Even though my hair looks wild, I praise God for all the baby hairs that have been growing!!! I feel so blessed to have gone through losing my hair and having it grow back! God has taught be a lot about trusting in Him and acceptance in Him. It is so easy to feel insecure when your hair is falling out! :)"
January 30, 2010
"I was at Ross the other day, and I noticed this empty cabinet. I thought it was completely made of glass. I thought that I saw this girl looking at me through the cabinet. I tried not to make eye contact with her, 'cause I didn't want to be rude. Then I realized that the cabinet is actually made out of mirrors! The girl I was trying to avoid eye contact with was me. I felt embarrassed for myself. It was pretty funny."
January 27, 2010
"Miss French says I am a good example of the word "demonstrative." Meaning: "characterized by or given to open exhibition or expression of one's emotions, attitudes, etc., esp. of love or affection." I think this is true. :D That word, and sentimentality."
October 23, 2009
""Just suppose, Could it be? Dear God, is Magnolia Alexander the answer to the countless prayers I've prayed under the prairie stars?" I love this book! :D"
October 18, 2009
"Thank you to everyone who prayed for me!! I don't have lupus, diabetes or leukemia! I have healthy red blood cells, enough white blood cells and correct levels of vitamins and sugar!! I am just lacking in vitamin D, which can be fixed by more time in Guam's hot hot sun! :D Eeee! I'm so happy. :D Thank you, Lord!!"
September 22, 2009
"Ok, I'm reading the fourth book in the Percy Jackson and The Olympians series, and in each book I've read, I've found at least one spelling error, grammar mistake, or word swap. This is nuts!"
September 1, 2009
"I think God chose it to be "Make Ruthie Cry Because She's Absolutely in Awe of Me" day today for Himself, because today was totally a I feel like crying because I'm so in awe of God kind of day"
August 22, 2009
"I added Photo Booth to my dock on my Macbook...it's really bugging my OCD, because everything else on my dock is in the color scheme of blue, white and silver. This red and black thing is totally clashing. D:"
Ok, I'm kinda tired of scrolling through old stuff. :D Hope you laughed. :D
"just for kicks and giggles!" haha
"I love my job!!! Other people may think differently, but...I have been secretly wanting to work housekeeping at Harvest since I was 7! :D Oh, I finished the book, Bryce Collier. Percy and Annabeth!!! At the end!!! Eeeee!!! :D"
June 26, 2010
"I am amazed at some people's incapability to spell. One day, I will teach spelling class."
June 16, 2010
"Does it bother anyone else when people try to share their thoughts on Facebook through notes, but they completely fail grammatically? It totally distracts me, and I can't refocus to read their message. D: I feel bad...:)"
June 5, 2010
"Does anyone else get scared that the person is offended (angry or upset) when they use ellipses too much?"
May 28, 2010
"Ok, I love how there are many sides of summer. Today was the play in the water, laugh as much as possible, watch other people slather on tons of sunscreen (because I don't wear sunscreen ;D), and slide down the humongous water slide till your skin is wrinkly kind of day!!!!"
May 20, 2010
"So, Asia Elaine Oshiro and I were trying to cook corned beef for breakfast. You'd think that since we're part of the generation that's known to be "tech-savvy," we'd be able to open the can of corned beef. Wrong. Wrong wrong wrong wrong WRONG. We totally FAILED and ended up having to scoop most of it through the little slit we opened...:("
April 19, 2010
"It really irks me when people are incapable of original thought and continuously quote other people. Usually my first reaction, whether right or wrong, is to wonder whether they take the time to read books that aren't watered down to help "my generation" understand English. Ridiculous."
March 28, 2010
"Even though my hair looks wild, I praise God for all the baby hairs that have been growing!!! I feel so blessed to have gone through losing my hair and having it grow back! God has taught be a lot about trusting in Him and acceptance in Him. It is so easy to feel insecure when your hair is falling out! :)"
January 30, 2010
"I was at Ross the other day, and I noticed this empty cabinet. I thought it was completely made of glass. I thought that I saw this girl looking at me through the cabinet. I tried not to make eye contact with her, 'cause I didn't want to be rude. Then I realized that the cabinet is actually made out of mirrors! The girl I was trying to avoid eye contact with was me. I felt embarrassed for myself. It was pretty funny."
January 27, 2010
"Miss French says I am a good example of the word "demonstrative." Meaning: "characterized by or given to open exhibition or expression of one's emotions, attitudes, etc., esp. of love or affection." I think this is true. :D That word, and sentimentality."
October 23, 2009
""Just suppose, Could it be? Dear God, is Magnolia Alexander the answer to the countless prayers I've prayed under the prairie stars?" I love this book! :D"
October 18, 2009
"Thank you to everyone who prayed for me!! I don't have lupus, diabetes or leukemia! I have healthy red blood cells, enough white blood cells and correct levels of vitamins and sugar!! I am just lacking in vitamin D, which can be fixed by more time in Guam's hot hot sun! :D Eeee! I'm so happy. :D Thank you, Lord!!"
September 22, 2009
"Ok, I'm reading the fourth book in the Percy Jackson and The Olympians series, and in each book I've read, I've found at least one spelling error, grammar mistake, or word swap. This is nuts!"
September 1, 2009
"I think God chose it to be "Make Ruthie Cry Because She's Absolutely in Awe of Me" day today for Himself, because today was totally a I feel like crying because I'm so in awe of God kind of day"
August 22, 2009
"I added Photo Booth to my dock on my Macbook...it's really bugging my OCD, because everything else on my dock is in the color scheme of blue, white and silver. This red and black thing is totally clashing. D:"
Ok, I'm kinda tired of scrolling through old stuff. :D Hope you laughed. :D
"just for kicks and giggles!" haha
Thursday, August 5, 2010
And so it is.
As far as I know, I will be staying home till school starts. This whole summer that hasn't happened! I've spent 11 weeks at Harvest, either helping at Cool School or working Housekeeping. And I have loved every second of it.
*sigh* Here's my schedule!
1-Psychology/speech
2-MWF: Modern Literature/TTH: Guam History
3-
4-World Literature
5-
6-Lunch
7-
8-Graphic Design
Um, I really can't remember the blank spots, but I am also taking Honors English, Government and Economics, and Life Skills. I just don't remember what time those classes are :D
What I'm really excited about is that the book I decided to read "for fun" on Monday turns out to be the first book we'll be reading in World Literature. Something else that is exciting is that I found out today that I've already read most of the books we're going to be reading in Modern Literature. Whoo-hoo! I'm honestly really ecstatic!
OH! :D And guess what! I was asked to work extended care for the the preschoolers this year! :D I'm happy!!! I was praying that I would be able to work extended care this year! I used to work with those kids during my sophomore year, but for some reason, none of the high schoolers were able to work this past year...which is why I'm very thankful I can work this year! :D And I'll be working every afternoon except for Thursdays because....
I'll be in the play this fall! We're doing a production of Hillbilly Wedding, which is actually very funny. :D I'm the mama :D
If anyone was wondering why I never really include other people's names on my blog, it's more for their privacy. I wouldn't feel comfortable about someone talking about me on his/her blog without my permission. Just saying. :D
I'm thrilled that school is starting up soon! :D
I have just ONE academic goal this year. I WILL TURN IN EVERYTHING ON TIME. :D
*sigh* Here's my schedule!
1-Psychology/speech
2-MWF: Modern Literature/TTH: Guam History
3-
4-World Literature
5-
6-Lunch
7-
8-Graphic Design
Um, I really can't remember the blank spots, but I am also taking Honors English, Government and Economics, and Life Skills. I just don't remember what time those classes are :D
What I'm really excited about is that the book I decided to read "for fun" on Monday turns out to be the first book we'll be reading in World Literature. Something else that is exciting is that I found out today that I've already read most of the books we're going to be reading in Modern Literature. Whoo-hoo! I'm honestly really ecstatic!
OH! :D And guess what! I was asked to work extended care for the the preschoolers this year! :D I'm happy!!! I was praying that I would be able to work extended care this year! I used to work with those kids during my sophomore year, but for some reason, none of the high schoolers were able to work this past year...which is why I'm very thankful I can work this year! :D And I'll be working every afternoon except for Thursdays because....
I'll be in the play this fall! We're doing a production of Hillbilly Wedding, which is actually very funny. :D I'm the mama :D
If anyone was wondering why I never really include other people's names on my blog, it's more for their privacy. I wouldn't feel comfortable about someone talking about me on his/her blog without my permission. Just saying. :D
I'm thrilled that school is starting up soon! :D
I have just ONE academic goal this year. I WILL TURN IN EVERYTHING ON TIME. :D
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
God is here.
As I was cleaning the refridgerator for Mom this afternoon, I was listening to some music. Lady Antebellum's "I Was Here" played. That song and "American Honey" are the only songs by that group that I liked. While it played, I was thinking back to the first time I had ever heard it. Last summer this song popped up on one of my Pandora stations. Immediately, I loved it. If anyone of you know me, I don't like leaving things at status quo. I don't like to settle for mediocre. When I really thought through the words, I realized something. There was so much of the word "I." The song is full of the attitude that "I can do anything without anyone's help; I will do it all, and everyone better remember me for it." The sentiment of that song is still something I could relate to, especially with my last year of high school coming up. It is in everyone's nature to want to be remembered, to leave some kind of legacy, to make a difference. I know it's in mine.
I've been thinking a lot about this coming school year. God is going to do great things. I am so sure of it. In all honesty, I have unshakeable faith that God is going to work in the hearts and lives of the students at Harvest like we have never seen Him work before. All of those amazing things don't just happen by accident with His children just standing around doing nothing. I am also absolutely certain that this year is going to come with gigantic challenges to those who profess to be Christians. I'm counting myself in that one. When God works, Satan is also working to discourage believers, sabatoge God's work and deceive even more unsaved people. God can do AMAZiNG things, and it really is my heart's desire to witness Him work!!! It's my prayer that we (I'm referring to other students at Harvest who are Christians) stand united as Christ's body in our school and make a difference in the lives of those around us. I'm really tired of seeing passive rebellion, hypocrites, and cowards all around me. What we need as a school, as a church, and, on an even greater scale, as an island is revival; but that first starts in your own personal life. Revival in your own heart first.
God has been teaching me that this year I need to stand for Him, no matter what it takes. I'm laying all on the line. My soul cries out to Him to change our school, our island: that all would come to repentance. But I know if I want to see change, I need to lead by example. Whatever it takes, Lord, I'm willing to do. Even if I stand alone.
This year, my senior year, will be different. It doesn't matter if nobody remembers Ruth Anne Natividad. So long as they know who Jesus Christ is...that's all that matters. I am nothing. Christ is everything.
I Was Here by Lady Antebellum
"You will notice me
I'll be leaving my mark like initials carved
In an old oak tree, you wait and see
Maybe I'll write like Twain wrote
Maybe I'll paint like Van Gogh
Cure the common cold, I don't know
But I'm ready start 'cause I know in my heart
I wanna do something that matters, say something different
Something that sets the whole world on its ear
I wanna do something better with the time I've been given
I wanna try to touch a few hearts in this life
Leave nothing less than something that says "I was here"
I will prove you wrong
If you think I'm all talk, you're in for a shock
'Cause this dream's too strong and before too long
Maybe I'll compose symphonies
Maybe I'll fight for world peace
'Cause I know it's my destiny
To leave more than a trace of myself in this place!
I wanna do something that matters, say something different
Something that sets the whole world on its ear
I wanna do something better with the time I've been given
I wanna try to touch a few hearts in this life
And leave nothing less than something that says "I was here"
And I know that I, I will do more than just pass through this life
I'll leave nothing less than something that says "I was here"
I was here."
I do want to do something that matters: live for God. At the end of this year, I want nothing more than people to look back and say, "God is here."
I've been thinking a lot about this coming school year. God is going to do great things. I am so sure of it. In all honesty, I have unshakeable faith that God is going to work in the hearts and lives of the students at Harvest like we have never seen Him work before. All of those amazing things don't just happen by accident with His children just standing around doing nothing. I am also absolutely certain that this year is going to come with gigantic challenges to those who profess to be Christians. I'm counting myself in that one. When God works, Satan is also working to discourage believers, sabatoge God's work and deceive even more unsaved people. God can do AMAZiNG things, and it really is my heart's desire to witness Him work!!! It's my prayer that we (I'm referring to other students at Harvest who are Christians) stand united as Christ's body in our school and make a difference in the lives of those around us. I'm really tired of seeing passive rebellion, hypocrites, and cowards all around me. What we need as a school, as a church, and, on an even greater scale, as an island is revival; but that first starts in your own personal life. Revival in your own heart first.
God has been teaching me that this year I need to stand for Him, no matter what it takes. I'm laying all on the line. My soul cries out to Him to change our school, our island: that all would come to repentance. But I know if I want to see change, I need to lead by example. Whatever it takes, Lord, I'm willing to do. Even if I stand alone.
This year, my senior year, will be different. It doesn't matter if nobody remembers Ruth Anne Natividad. So long as they know who Jesus Christ is...that's all that matters. I am nothing. Christ is everything.
I Was Here by Lady Antebellum
"You will notice me
I'll be leaving my mark like initials carved
In an old oak tree, you wait and see
Maybe I'll write like Twain wrote
Maybe I'll paint like Van Gogh
Cure the common cold, I don't know
But I'm ready start 'cause I know in my heart
I wanna do something that matters, say something different
Something that sets the whole world on its ear
I wanna do something better with the time I've been given
I wanna try to touch a few hearts in this life
Leave nothing less than something that says "I was here"
I will prove you wrong
If you think I'm all talk, you're in for a shock
'Cause this dream's too strong and before too long
Maybe I'll compose symphonies
Maybe I'll fight for world peace
'Cause I know it's my destiny
To leave more than a trace of myself in this place!
I wanna do something that matters, say something different
Something that sets the whole world on its ear
I wanna do something better with the time I've been given
I wanna try to touch a few hearts in this life
And leave nothing less than something that says "I was here"
And I know that I, I will do more than just pass through this life
I'll leave nothing less than something that says "I was here"
I was here."
I do want to do something that matters: live for God. At the end of this year, I want nothing more than people to look back and say, "God is here."
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Because it was annoying the guts out of me...
I found my favorite poem....EVER!! :D
Dream in Color by Adi Rudik
She dreams in color
Of fields of splendor
Of old and new
Of memories past and future longings
She says she dreams in color, of me
I dream in one shade
Flickers of images
Snaps of life
Glimpses of reality and nothing
She dreams in color
A clear picture in her mind
A life outside of life
A real within the unreal
She dreams in color, of me
I envy her dream and vision
Her mind's fine eye
I dream in one color
The color of her eyes.
Dream in Color by Adi Rudik
She dreams in color
Of fields of splendor
Of old and new
Of memories past and future longings
She says she dreams in color, of me
I dream in one shade
Flickers of images
Snaps of life
Glimpses of reality and nothing
She dreams in color
A clear picture in her mind
A life outside of life
A real within the unreal
She dreams in color, of me
I envy her dream and vision
Her mind's fine eye
I dream in one color
The color of her eyes.
Monday, June 21, 2010
I mourn.
So all I can say today is that you cannot expect from people what they do not have.
I cannot expect social graces from people who have grown up with no need for them.
I cannot expect respect from people who have not yet learned humility.
I cannot expect joy from people who have heavy hearts.
Today I learned that sometimes people don't get enthralled, ravished, and thrilled about learning and knowing new things about God. Maybe I can say that's a shame. It is a shame that you don't want to take a step of faith away from mediocre, comfortable Christianity.
I cannot expect social graces from people who have grown up with no need for them.
I cannot expect respect from people who have not yet learned humility.
I cannot expect joy from people who have heavy hearts.
Today I learned that sometimes people don't get enthralled, ravished, and thrilled about learning and knowing new things about God. Maybe I can say that's a shame. It is a shame that you don't want to take a step of faith away from mediocre, comfortable Christianity.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
My dad.
You know, I think I've been to the moon and back with adventures with my dad. We've crossed oceans, cities and streets to be with each other, literally and figuratively.
Dad,
I love you so much.
You've sacrificed for me.
You've taken care of me.
You've loved me beyond comprehension.
I respect you so much.
You've taught me how to
Work dilgently,
Love unconditionally,
Serve humbly,
Live honestly.
I don't think I could ask for any better dad. Sure we've had our ups and downs, but time and time again, you've shown me your love so faithfully. I could never doubt your love...ever. Your love for Mom and our family is the truest kind.
I'll always be your little girl. And you'll always be my greatest hero.
I love you, Dad. Happy Father's Day.
Dad,
I love you so much.
You've sacrificed for me.
You've taken care of me.
You've loved me beyond comprehension.
I respect you so much.
You've taught me how to
Work dilgently,
Love unconditionally,
Serve humbly,
Live honestly.
I don't think I could ask for any better dad. Sure we've had our ups and downs, but time and time again, you've shown me your love so faithfully. I could never doubt your love...ever. Your love for Mom and our family is the truest kind.
I'll always be your little girl. And you'll always be my greatest hero.
I love you, Dad. Happy Father's Day.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Memorial Day.
Today is Memorial Day. As much as I am thankful for those who have died for my freedom, and as much as I specifically love American history...
Honestly, it is hard to understand and personalize the gravity of the death of many brave men and women-when I am an American whose "fathers" did not die in American wars. It's an ambiguous and abstract feeling.
Nonetheless, I am forever grateful. Whether I realize the depth of their sacrifice or not, there are countless lives that have been spent so that I can be where I am today.
This day is a human reflection of the Ultimate Sacrifice Christ was for us. Jesus demonstrated His love for us, while we were yet sinners. He put His life on the line. For us. To give us the freedom from sin.
Maybe you can personalize this kind of sacrifice more than I can. Just remember. Today's a day we look back at our history: personally, nationally, and universally and remember. Don't let the heroes of our past become unsung.
Honestly, it is hard to understand and personalize the gravity of the death of many brave men and women-when I am an American whose "fathers" did not die in American wars. It's an ambiguous and abstract feeling.
Nonetheless, I am forever grateful. Whether I realize the depth of their sacrifice or not, there are countless lives that have been spent so that I can be where I am today.
This day is a human reflection of the Ultimate Sacrifice Christ was for us. Jesus demonstrated His love for us, while we were yet sinners. He put His life on the line. For us. To give us the freedom from sin.
Maybe you can personalize this kind of sacrifice more than I can. Just remember. Today's a day we look back at our history: personally, nationally, and universally and remember. Don't let the heroes of our past become unsung.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Love Lead Me On.
"Someday I'm gonna go out to the country
I'll drive til the highway ends
Chasing after picture perfect sunsets
To take away my breath
I'm tired of living in the city
The world's got me tied on a string
Wanderlust has overcome me
Like Lewis and Clark I'll dream
There's a million different ways to go
Only God can know where I will call my home
Love lead me on
Where no one else has gone
Faith keep me strong
Love lead me on
The open road can be so lonely
I'm longing for someone to love
If only I could share my new surroundings
Open the doors above
There's a million different ways to go
Only God can know where I will call my home
Love lead me on
Where no one else has gone
Faith keep me strong
Love lead me on
Faith keep me strong
Love lead me home"
By the Afters.
I'll drive til the highway ends
Chasing after picture perfect sunsets
To take away my breath
I'm tired of living in the city
The world's got me tied on a string
Wanderlust has overcome me
Like Lewis and Clark I'll dream
There's a million different ways to go
Only God can know where I will call my home
Love lead me on
Where no one else has gone
Faith keep me strong
Love lead me on
The open road can be so lonely
I'm longing for someone to love
If only I could share my new surroundings
Open the doors above
There's a million different ways to go
Only God can know where I will call my home
Love lead me on
Where no one else has gone
Faith keep me strong
Love lead me on
Faith keep me strong
Love lead me home"
By the Afters.
I love this song. I thought about today while I was basking in the sun. We had water day today, and it was an absolute BLAST!!! I am really sunkissed. I love not burning in the sun. Deepest sympathies to those who do. This summer is going to be great. I can feel it in my bones.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Good times.
Ok, so I typed this blog out earlier, and it was nice and long...but the silly computer got confused and deleted all that I wrote :D
Anyway, I'll just summarize. I love to work. I love going to sleep really tired. I don't like to sit at a computer and type all day, not that kind of work. I like to run errands and talk to people and fill up inflatable pools, crazy stuff like that.
Today in Bible study, I realized I really ought to be learning something every day. It's easy to see spiritual change after a week, or several months or several days, but God is continuously working in me and growing me that there should be a distinct, no matter how small, difference between today and yesterday. :D
I've been reading through Colossians for my Bible reading. Tonight I read about my life being hid in Christ! Isn't that amazing!!! I share the same spiritual eternal life attributes that God has! I have eternal life that unbelievers don't understand the depth or width of how AWESOME that is! No one and nothing can take that life away from me! It's been really good. Really really good.
I'm so excited to grow this summer! It's already exponentially better than last summer. Not as many tears. ;)
Anyway, I'll just summarize. I love to work. I love going to sleep really tired. I don't like to sit at a computer and type all day, not that kind of work. I like to run errands and talk to people and fill up inflatable pools, crazy stuff like that.
Today in Bible study, I realized I really ought to be learning something every day. It's easy to see spiritual change after a week, or several months or several days, but God is continuously working in me and growing me that there should be a distinct, no matter how small, difference between today and yesterday. :D
I've been reading through Colossians for my Bible reading. Tonight I read about my life being hid in Christ! Isn't that amazing!!! I share the same spiritual eternal life attributes that God has! I have eternal life that unbelievers don't understand the depth or width of how AWESOME that is! No one and nothing can take that life away from me! It's been really good. Really really good.
I'm so excited to grow this summer! It's already exponentially better than last summer. Not as many tears. ;)
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Bliss.
I think I've mentioned it on my Twitter before, but these past few weeks I have been so unbelievably happy. Like really, truly, deeply happy. It's not the kind of happiness that comes in wisps. It's this substantial kind of joy (I guess would be the right word.)
God has done miracles in my family. I stand astounded, awed, and astonished at the power of my Lord. There is a sweetness in the relationships I have at home. I am so so so thankful.
I feel
Safe.
Loved.
Accepted.
I am so grateful to know that I have such cherished memories with Mom and Dad. Sometimes I am reduced to tears because of the goodness of God overflowing into my life from theirs. God is so good. I can't even say that enough. My family is a testimony of God's continual pursuit of His children. Eeee!!! Oh I am just GUSHING!
My heart is so full of joy.
I have so much to be thankful.
God has shown me through this that I can't give up praying...ever.
He holds all things in His hands, and He will allow His will to come to pass in His time.
He only asks that I trust Him, obey His voice, and let Him be God.
And let me tell you, He does a mighty fine job at being God!
He is God. and He really is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.
Oh I am just so happy. What more can I say?
Friday, May 7, 2010
My Life Skills Class.
Maybe I've posted about this subject before, but I can't remember.
For those of you who don't know, our Bible class this year is all the Junior girls combined. With Miss Choi teaching us, it has been such a growing experience! At the beginning of the year, many girls went up to the front of our class and shared what God's done in their lives. Miss Choi has over and over again shared what God had been laying on her heart to share with us. Throughout the year, we have continued to challenge one another with the things God has been teaching us in our own personal lives. It's been really great. Honestly.
Miss Choi said today that every person has their story. Some girls have shared part of their stories with our class. It has provided a sense of openness in our class. God is so good. Yes, we have all gone through pain. But through that pain, we grow. Growth does not come without pain. It has been such a blessing being able to share with each other the pains of this life and see how God has shown Himself strong through that.
I shared with someone today that if there is anything I've learned in Bible class this year, it is that my God is Sovereign. There is a specific reason why all of us were put in that class. There is a reason why we all decided to put ourselves at risk of being rejected and exposed our pain to other people. Whatever that reason is, I know that it has helped me heal. There has been a lot of pain, no doubt. But I have also had the privilege of seeing great healing. To be together, to hurt together, to heal together, and to grow together. That's what I've seen this year.
And through it all, God is growing each and every girl in that class to become the young lady He wants us to be. He is taking our past hurts and teaching us to let go of anger and bitterness, give it up to Him, and learn to truly love. He is taking our ashes and making it something beautiful.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Days like today.
Before I get uninspired and totally distracted, I need to tell you guys about TODAY!
So I woke up with a crazy headache that I had for no apparent reason. I got up and started getting ready for school, but then I got really nauseous and weak, so I went to go tell my mom. I didn't want to just stay home because I had a dress rehearsal for choir and I couldn't miss that. My stomach and head hurt so badly that I was rolling around on my bed and crying. Well, long story short, Mom thought it was an attack from the enemy because of all the work God has been doing through our family these past couple of days, so she and my sister prayed over me....and then I fell back asleep for another two hours. The last thing running through my mind, "God promises that He will lay His healing hands upon the sick and they will be healed." SIGH.
Two hours of sleep later. I am better. :D So I go to school. And yes. Of my own volition.
Fast forward two hours. Alice and I randomly end up getting the opportunity to speak in Miss Choi's 10th grade girls' Life Skils class (Bible class). Alice shared a testimony of what God has been doing in her life the past couple of days, and she challenged the girls about how freeing it is to confess sin, make things right with God and others, and accept the consequences maturely. And she was so right on when she said: the scariest place to be is when you are a Christian and you have unconfessed sin against God, but the BEST place to be is when you know you are in a right standing with Him. So true. Wise words there, girl. :D
I also spoke, very extemporaneously. Miss Choi just asked right before that class if I could speak, and I couldn't turn her down. It was something that I had been wanting to do for ages, and here was an opportunity being given to me.
I can't remember word for word what I had said, but it was along the lines of:
As a Christian, there will be a time in your life where you will have to decide whether you really believe in God, whether you are going to take a step of faith and take God for His Word, whether you will believe that the Bible is the absolute authority. I shared about the time when Mom got sick and was in and out of the hospital for a couple of weeks. I told those girls that it was then that I really got serious about God. It was then when I was pushed to the end of myself and I had to ask myself if I really believe God is truthful when He promises to me in His Word that if my mother and father forsake me, He will lift me up. I had to ask if I really believed that all things work together for good and that He is the Father of all Comfort.
I told them that we can go to Harvest since we were in kindergarten and learn all these facts about God and the Bible, but if we don't live out what we learn, all we're doing is learning how to be really good liars. When will we take the mask off? When will we stop kidding ourselves and get honest with God about sin and who we really are?
If you don't go to Harvest, then you probably don't realize this, but the difference between this year's junior class and the other high school classes is a huge chasm. Aside from all biases, there is something different about my class. I know that those sophomore girls knew that, because I have talked to many of them. Some of them have even asked me why things are so different with us. You may be asking the same question. God's grace is what makes us different. Yeah, we are TOTALLY not perfect, but because there were a few of us our freshman year who took God seriously, God took us seriously. Because of His grace, He has really brought our class close together.
I took that illustration and brought it to the point of: Take God seriously, and He will take your seriousness seriously. I told them they can mock me and even think I'm foolish for giving my all for the Gospel, but I also told them that if they do, I know something they don't. I know how real, how good, and how awesome JEHOVAH God is! I told them that my life is a picture of God's grace. Honestly. There have been so many things that my family and I have gone through that we never could have survived without God. I shared with them specific things in my family that I have seen God do.
I told them that if they are challenged by what was said and finally decide to take the next step in their Christian walk, I'm not going to mock them. There are people that are going to support them, not ridicule them for standing up for Christ. I told them that even the reason I was speaking in their class was to support Alice, my sister in Christ. And if they ever wanted to talk, they can come to us...and other Christian girls. I challenged them to be that girl who people can point at and say, "Yeah, that girl is God's girl. She's not perfect, but she knows exactly who she is in Christ."
In all seriousness, I praise God for that opportunity. I praise God for the fact that my life is a picture of His grace and sovereignty. I praise God for all the things that He has brought me through. Even for just one person I touch....each hardship is worth it.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Dinner Special.
I'm super excited because for the past week or so, my cousin and I have been planning on making dinner together for our families. Her family is going to come over to our house this afternoon, and after lunch, we're going to go grocery shopping for missing ingredients, and then we are going to cook!! :D I'm really excited.
Mama says that she doesn't mind us cooking, because we are never going to learn how to cook.
We're going to make chicken parmigiana. And....I will get back to you on the dessert. :D
Black Saturday.
In Holy Week terminology, today is Black Saturday. It is the in-between day that Jesus was neither on the cross nor raised from the dead yet.
I am struggling coming up with something to say. So here. Something to think about. It is because of the cross that we declared righteous before a just God. It is because of the cross that we are able to have eternal life with the Father who loves us beyond measure.
Beneath the Cross of Jesus
Beneath the cross of Jesus
I find a place to stand,
And wonder at such mercy
That calls me as I am;
For hands that should discard me
Hold wounds which tell me, "Come."
Beneath the cross of Jesus
My unworthy soul is won.
Beneath the cross of Jesus
His family is my own—
Once strangers chasing selfish dreams,
Now one through grace alone.
How could I now dishonor
The ones that You have loved?
Beneath the cross of Jesus
See the children called by God.
Beneath the cross of Jesus—
The path before the crown—
We follow in His footsteps
Where promised hope is found.
How great the joy before us
To be His perfect bride;
Beneath the cross of Jesus
We will gladly live our lives.
I find a place to stand,
And wonder at such mercy
That calls me as I am;
For hands that should discard me
Hold wounds which tell me, "Come."
Beneath the cross of Jesus
My unworthy soul is won.
Beneath the cross of Jesus
His family is my own—
Once strangers chasing selfish dreams,
Now one through grace alone.
How could I now dishonor
The ones that You have loved?
Beneath the cross of Jesus
See the children called by God.
Beneath the cross of Jesus—
The path before the crown—
We follow in His footsteps
Where promised hope is found.
How great the joy before us
To be His perfect bride;
Beneath the cross of Jesus
We will gladly live our lives.
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