Confessions of a Sh.

I'm sitting here on this bed at like 3 in the morning. I watched Confessions of a Shopaholic like just now, er I just finished watching it. I liked it. Only one person will understand why I didn't finish the title. :D

It made me think of how every girl has insecurities like Rebecca in the movie. I tried to think of how the movie was relevant to me, but I couldn't think of anything as specific as being a shopaholic. But a lot of things she said about shopping, I know that there is something to every girl that's like that. How we keep going back to something because it makes our "world brighter." Well, I can totally verify that statement. 

It's like this. In every girl's heart there's a little spot that we try to fill up. For some girls, they fill it up with a boy's attention. Or shopping. Or chowing down seriously on food. Or hurting themselves. Or self-expression i.e. writing, playing songs, art, etc. There are many, many ways to do this. All I know is that this emptiness is all rooted from the same thing. Insecurity. How do you win a girl's heart? You make her feel loved, beautiful, wanted and accepted. (I've heard the guy version of this is respecting him, submitting, I dunno! I'm not a boy! hah) 

Anyway, this is why a lot of girls hurt. This is why a lot of girls go crazy, and I mean cuh-razy. You've seen it. I'm sure. I don't even have to explain myself. Don't understand? Go rent some chick flick in the video store. There is going to be a really obsessed girl who will do anything in her power to get exactly what she wants, no matter the sacrifice. I guarantee you. It hurts my heart seeing girls like that. Why? Because I know exactly what she wants. Like I said, every girl wants to be loved. That's why we spend hours getting dressed, putting on make-up, and fixing our hair. We do things so totally out of the way to get people's attention. It's true. One way or another, it is. 

So when we do get something that fills up that hole in our hearts, as temporary as it may be, it gives us a rush. The world does seem brighter. Really. It does. I know it. I've seen it. I've experienced it. Your dreams are sweeter. Your outlook on life is more beautiful. Depending on what your hole-filler is, this feeling lasts for awhile. But at the end of the day, when your head hits your pillow, there it is. The aching empty feeling. It's a feeling that overwhelms any and all of the "bright" feelings you may have had that day. You lay there empty. And once again, you cry yourself to sleep hoping that tomorrow will come sooner and that there will be another "next big thing" to fill the hole in your heart.

BUT

I don't go to sleep like that anymore. Not in a very, very long time. Why? Because I've learned what fills that hole in my heart. I've learned what fits exactly in that place. And I've also learned what to call that hole. It's a part of me, a part of my heart that is my God-shaped hole. I'm sure if you've been reading my blog long enough, you've heard me say that before, but I'm going to explain it now. 

My God-Shaped Hole

I've filled that hole, with...you guessed it, God. Sound cheesy? Maybe to you. 

Stop. 

Listen. 

Do you hear it? It doesn't sound cheesy to me at all. It's called: Unconditional love. Can't hear it? That's probably because you've never met Love. I've met Love, and I've been changed ever since. God is Love. (1 John 4:8) 

My God makes me whole. 

"God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain. But He did promise strength for the day, comfort for tears, and light for the way."

That's what my day looks like. Overflowing with God's grace. 

I don't need a bright day.

I just need Jesus. 

Eternity is brighter with a life like mine.