Conversations.

--I am sitting on the lanai of the Family Life Center, sick as can be. The sky is a blazing pink and orange slowly fading up to a deep blue yonder. Thoughts swirling through my head at dizzying speeds. Fatigue crawling through my skin. A faint rustling sound is heard in the still, solemn silence of the wind. I look into the depths of the sunset......

My stomach drops. I feel sick. Slowly, I ease myself down so that I am looking straight up into the starlit sky. A peace falls over me. The thoughts come to a halt. I hear a still, small voice...

"Ruthie, what is it that you really want?"
-To be loved, Lord. That's what I really want. 
"Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us, and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins." (1 John 4:10) 

"What else, Ruthie? I know there's more."
-To be accepted, Father, I want to be accepted.
"...Wherein He hath made us accepted in the beloved..." (Ephesians 1:6) 

"Am I enough for you?"
-You are my Shepherd. I shall not want. (Ps 23:1)

"Can you live this life without Me?"
-My flesh and my heart faileth, but You are the strength of my heart and my portion forever. (Ps 73:26)

"Do people mean more to you than I do, Ruthie?"
-...Whom have I in heaven but Thee? There is none upon the earth that I desire beside Thee. (Ps 73:25)

"Where is your heart?"
-Far away from the shores of Your heart, Father.

"Ruthie, where is your heart?"
-No longer lost in the vast oceans of Your mercies.

"Where should your heart be?"
-In Your presence is fulness of joy. (Ps 16:11)