Last Thanksgiving.

I write a lot of notes about last year, especially about events that happened at this time 'cause for me, those were huge milestones in my life. They were things that still hurt my heart today, but it was through those things that God proved Himself real to me, even though God never has to prove anything. 

Mom and I were talking last night about the things that happened last December and what we were doing last Thanksgiving break. It's so easy to talk about it now, so easy to laugh, but I was telling her that, man, if we were talking about this only 10 months ago, I would have started crying 3 minutes BEFORE we even began talking about it.

Now, I talk about last year as if it's common knowledge as to what happened. Last December our family went on a 5 week vacation to the PI for a family reunion type thing. Sounds good, eh? The first hour we were there, I couldn't stop crying 'cause I could already feel in my bones that life was about to take a huge plunge into OW. Not even two weeks into the thing, we find out my mom has to have surgery, not a big deal, but hey, it's still surgery. I can't be with mom and dad in the city 'cause there's no where for me to stay in the hospital, so I stick around with my extended family (all of whom I am VERY thankful for!!!) without my parents. This was super hard for me, 'cause if it's not obvious, my parents and I are SUPER close, and it was hard not to be able to talk to them everyday (for some reason, cell phones wack out when I use them). The day after mom and dad come back from the city, we get a phone call from the doctor...mom needs to go back into surgery, and this time, it's serious. 

Man, I remember that night so clearly. Broke my stinkin' heart. I remember crying so hard wondering why God had to do this now. It was supposed to be a time spent with family! We had planned for this vacation for a WHOLE year, and one phone call could change that?! I was so upset. God gave mom and dad so much grace that time when I was throwing a huge teenage tantrum. Mom gave me Max Lucado's It's Not About Meto read, and I sat in a stupid plastic lawn chair in the middle of the living room till the wee hours of the morning till I read it, all of it; with every stinking word, tears ran down my face. God really used that night as a turning point in my life...

So. Mom and Dad had to stay in the city, while I was by myself--with family, yeah, but honestly, I didn't even know them. About 2-3 weeks. We moved from city to city everyday, constantly moving. Oh my word, I am so thankful for the people God brought into my life those couple weeks. It hurt a lot, knowing Mom was hurting. Blah! And one of the hardest things, besides my parents not being there, was that I couldn't go to church and half the time I didn't have my Bible. But God still spoke to me. Mom had a full hysterectomy, which doesn't sound like a big deal, 'cause I realize a lot of women get those, but for some reason, God chose to make everything extreme...

Christmas Eve and Christmas, I was throwing up. The only thing I ate on Christmas was half a cup of veggies, and that didn't stay down either. Dad could only leave mom in the hospital for a few hours, so I only saw Dad for like 2 hours and Mom not at all on Christmas...

Idk. Everything was so traumatizing for me, and God took away all the people I thought would comfort me. But I think it had to take that to show me that it's just God. It really "forced" me to rely on God. I remember one specific instance, I was laying on the bed thinking if the Hope that I still cling to was real. If I should let myself continue to believe in Jesus, 'cause life hurt so much. I thought back to what God has done thus far...I couldn't bring myself to unbelief. I don't even know what it is, but God did a miracle last Christmas. Wow, I've never even thought about this until now. It was a miracle. Like all of this doesn't sound like a big deal, but it's one of those things that only you and God know for real. That's kind of why I like to listen really closely when people give testimonies. It's sounds so easy to say, but their heart must be hurting ten times major. 

God really showed me His sovereignty last Christmas, and continually, up till now, He's showing me how only He can heal hurts...

Last Thanksgiving, we were packing clothes for our trip, but in another sense, it was like we were packing up all of our hopes, longings, expectations, worldly comforts, etc...only to abandon them and let Jesus be our only Hope. If that makes sense...