I am unbelieveably blessed.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I used to think, "God didn't give me a whole lot of great memories, just a lot of experiences to learn from." That's sort of true. Looking back, I really do have a plethora of once in a lifetime memories, some of 'em not everyone can say they've experienced. The latter half of that statement still rests true. I have had a lot of experiences to learn from.

I'm not saying this so everyone who reads my blog could be like, "Oh poor Ruthie!" or "Whoa! Ruthie's so awesome!" No, not at all. Just the facts, love. Just the facts.

One of the things that irritate me when I deal with other people is when they underestimate me. I am not just another fifteen year old girl who can't think for herself. I am not just another young person who makes heaps of stupid mistakes because she doesn't learn from them. I am not just another statistic on a chart saying that society hinders me from what I want to do, just because of my skin color, where I live, what I believe. No. That's not who I am.

This is me. I'm a sinner saved by grace by an almighty, loving Savior, Jesus Christ. I've got an amazing family. Yeah, we may be a bunch of broken people who struggle to love each other like Jesus loves, but we're strong. Our bonds are strengthened by the fact that it's God who keeps us together. It's His love that ties our heartstrings and keeps us a family. My friends are amazing. My best friend, Asia, and I have known each other and been best friends since I was two and half. I have never looked back since. If wealth were measured by our friends, I would be so rich, so extravagantly rich. Take that up a notch. If wealth were measured by the quality of our friends, I would be even richer than extravagant.

I've been put through a whole lot of junk in my life. I won't sugar coat that. I've got extended family problems up the wall. Their drama beats the tar out of the drama on TV. I've had friends take advantage of my emotions, take my heart and throw it back in my face. I've been manipulated into thinking that I was the most important person in a friend's life, only to be treated like the person she most hates. I've had so many breakdowns that I've lost count. I don't remember a day in the past 5 years that I haven't cried. I don't know how many times I've shared my heart with someone, gotten to the point of being the most vulnerable, only to have them walk all over me. I don't remember how many times I've had someone say "I love you" to me and tell me that I mean the world to them, only to have them break my heart time and time again. There have been times where I've come home shaking 'cause I can't stop crying, throwing up because I hurt so much, screaming 'cause I want the hurt to stop.

And the thing that bites the most, is that I kept going back. I can't give up on people that I love. Call it a character flaw, call it self-sacrificial love. I know my heart will get hurt going into friendships, relationships like that, but more importantly, I know the Healer of Hearts. The people that I've dealt with that have broken me to pieces, they don't know the Love that I know. That's why I keep coming back. I want them to have the Love that I have. I want them to know the healing that comes when resting in the fact that I can never do anything to change how much God loves me.

If there's anything in this life that I've learned that I can apply to my life on an everyday basis, is I know what love is, what loving someone to the point that it hurts means. So when I say I love you. I mean it. From the overflowing depths of my heart.