I am tired of being sorry. I'm tired of doing things to be sorry for. I've hurt a lot of people I love in the past couple of weeks, and it hurts me too. I want out. But that's the thing, I can't run away from this. I can't run away from the hurt I've caused. I can't run away from my problems.
I have to face them. Head on.
One of my favorite quotes is, "Don't grow a wishbone where your backbone should be." I can't wish my way out of here. It's hard to put effort into relationships, but the people I've hurt mean too much to me to just leave our friendship they way it is--hurting and empty.
I am sorry. And I wish I knew how to prove it.
I am so sick of myself and that I keep disappointing people. I don't meet their expectations. I got like super upset today because I was so tired of people wanting things from me, but I am only human. I can't give everyone what they want. I don't have to. I don't. It's not worth it. I don't exist to please people. I exist to glorify God, and really, that's all that matters. But even more than being sick of myself, I am sick of feeling sorry for myself.
Tonight. That's going to change.
Tonight. I'm going to fix things.
Tonight. God will show Himself strong...
In a friendship that I thought was stronger than squabbles like this. I've always, always believed that our friendship was stronger than this, but that doesn't mean that we don't have to go through trying times; it only means we can get out of them. Together.
God uses broken people. God doesn't use strong people.
And I feel everything but strong.
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